Last couple of days I've had some slip ups. I need to be honest with myself here. Although I have been free from viewing explicit contents or MZ"L for many months now, there is definitely room to improve my shmiras einayim. As I have noted on Onceandforall's thread. I go to a jewish gym to workout a few days a week. The members are mostly from the frum crowd, so should be ok, right? Well, not so fast. They have TV monitors throughout the gym with various shows/movies playing. When working out, I find myself being drawn to the movies that are playing. Often times, my workout ends before the movie does. So what do I do? I google the movie to find out what happens and sometime will watch clips from the movies. Last few days what I saw was definitely not good. Deep down I know what I'm doing is not helping my battle and potentially can leads to worst. But going to the gym and working out is such an enjoyable outlet. I struggled with this quandary for a few months. Until I read Onceandforall's thread. It helps hit home. I finally decided to put gadarim in place to protect me from this. This also reminded me of what I read in the GYE handbook (page 12 ) I copied here:
If we are serious about breaking free of lust addiction, we need to try to refrain from watching TV, movies and reading secular magazines and newspapers as much as possible, since all of them are full of promiscuity. Even the most innocent-sounding children's movies today are filled with imagery which can be very triggering for a lust addict and we must therefore try to avoid them as much as we can. Let's talk about movies, for example. Movies are one of the biggest stumbling blocks to a proper healing from lust addiction, because often we find them very hard to give up. They serve as a source of entertainment for millions of people around the world, and they are often a welcome distraction from the difficult realities of life. But movies are filled to the brim with triggers to lust. And even if one is successful to find a movie with absolutely no provocatively dressed women or kissing scenes in them (almost impossible today), will there still not even be any attractive female actors in the movie at all? If we are trying to guard our eyes in the street - and we must be; how can we allow ourselves to stare at attractive women in a movie for about 2 hours straight? As lust addicts, most of us simply cannot look at attractive women - even modestly dressed - and not think or feel any undercurrent of lust. The nature of the addiction has taken this ability away from us. And we must admit this truth to ourselves; as long as we
are lusting - we are still feeding the addiction. Therefore in the GYE community, we know that if we are truly serious about breaking free from the poison of lust, we must let this be our sacrifice for Hashem's glory and give up non-Jewish movies for good. And surely this will be considered a most precious sacrifice in Hashem's eyes, a sacrifice brought on the altar of our hearts!
Please Hashem. Accept this sacrifice from me and give us the needed siyata dishmaya
Amazing post, made me rethink my hobbies/free time activity.
Please keep posting Dave, you inspire me too.
I remember when I had a larger streak and had a close call too. Hashem fills in the blanks for us. Probably as a reminder not to let the guard down as you said. But keep it up. You are a true gibbor for sacrificing movies and secular stuff. I'm sure Hashem values your sacrifice more than any korban. I hope to have the same strength as you do.
