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A struggling bochur
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TOPIC: A struggling bochur 41180 Views

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 05:50 #339845

My friend asked me this question.. Lol
I'm not sure what I am to be honest, I thought I wasn't but now I'm thinking maybe I am..

..והשאלה עדיין במקומה עומדת
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 06:08 #339846

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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Mar 2019 19:29:
Ok, told the parents info of my therapist and told them some info what I know in general about pornography.. turns out this kid was exposed at age 8!! By some cruel and mean "friend", i told them about this site...


Yikes!! They might see my forum...

I don't know the specifics of this case. But I would not describe my classmate's/ friends growing up who exposed me to shmutz as cruel. Just young and stupid. Today they are older and smarter, well respected people. 

I assume you didn't mean much when you said cruel, just wanted to point it out as there are some guys on the forum, who say in their story that for many years they where machshil others which they have now come to regret.

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 07:16 #339847

  • mikestrucking
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What exactly is recovery for an addict? If this is a life long fight, what does recovery mean exactly?

Million dollar question...

Can someone please fill me in... Shnitz is such a עם הארץ...



Many people in Alcoholics anonymous introduce  themselves "Hi my name is _______ and I'm a recovered alcoholic."
In the beginning of the big book it says "Many people have recovered...". Some AAs are very passionate about saying they recovered. They say that it's the simple truth they aren't recovering anymore. I understand that to mean that they obviously still take actions of "recovery" but it's just so they don't "relapse".

In S.A. for some reason people don't say it. But my point is that it is possible to recover. Yet, it still is a lifelong journey/work just so we don't fall into "remission".
Formerly mikestruggling I just bought a truck. l hang out in the trailer and G-d drives. 
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 14:21 #339850

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Hakolhevel wrote on 20 Mar 2019 06:08:

Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 18 Mar 2019 19:29:
Ok, told the parents info of my therapist and told them some info what I know in general about pornography.. turns out this kid was exposed at age 8!! By some cruel and mean "friend", i told them about this site...


Yikes!! They might see my forum...

I don't know the specifics of this case. But I would not describe my classmate's/ friends growing up who exposed me to shmutz as cruel. Just young and stupid. Today they are older and smarter, well respected people. 

I assume you didn't mean much when you said cruel, just wanted to point it out as there are some guys on the forum, who say in their story that for many years they where machshil others which they have now come to regret.

IT depends on the circumstances.. it could have been a cruel and sinister expsure, or could have been other kids who were just acting dumb. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 16:17 #339854

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It could have been cruel exposure by someone who was older in age, like a teen or grandparent...
it could have been exposure by a fellow 8 year old, who lacking the proper manners, exposed his friend. 
regardless of intent, the RESULT is cruel. Similar to what people say, they live in a cruel world. (Or, what they perceive to be cruel, but is really rachamim, but that is another convo.)
How is the boy and family reacting? Have they made any progress?
alas,

Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 18:32 #339859

As mentioned he was exposed at age 8, so then already he went to therapy, then I believed it stopped so the parents thought it's over..

 Unfortunately he started again now, so they've tried different therapists but nothing has helped so far, Thats why I told them, I have gone myself to a great therapist hoping they would take my suggestion and take their son to him. 

So Im really hoping and davvening that they actually contact my therapist!!

Personally since I've gone to therapy my urges have decreased by 90% bh! So anyone reading this should know, taking care of the negetive emotions inside you, is crucial to stay clean. 
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 20 Mar 2019 23:22 #339868

Day 18! Great way to enter the great day of Purim! A freilichen Purim to all!

עם ישראל חי
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 21 Mar 2019 13:09 #339876

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Well,  it makes sense. He was exposed at 8, and dealt with the issue then. Now, he's probably older and has developed a taavah for what he was revealed to, so now he has to confront the devil again, but from the perspective of a teen. (I guess)
mamesh shver.
in regards to your therapist, can you share what worked for you?
(90% is huge hatzlaxha!)
a freilichin

Re: A struggling bochur 21 Mar 2019 13:10 #339877

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Amen brother!
DDay 16 for me!

Re: A struggling bochur 21 Mar 2019 14:24 #339880

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day Purim for me.. 
  • I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
  • I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: A struggling bochur 22 Mar 2019 19:49 #339892

in regards to your therapist, can you share what worked for you?
(90% is huge hatzlaxha!)
a freilichin

My therapist's method of muscle testing and throwing away emotions got rid of most urges, before I went to therapy I would have urges daily and very strong ones, since I went and already after 1-2 sessions I felt a huge decrease in urges, and probably because I feel much better about myself and don't really have underlying issues causing me to want to act out.

The escape isn't needed as much....
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 24 Mar 2019 00:49 #339900

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Can you elaborate?
what do you mean by 1) muscle testing?
2) throwing away emotions?
thanks.

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Mar 2019 01:39 #339901

  • Hakolhevel
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Shnitzel and kugel wrote on 20 Mar 2019 05:50:
My friend asked me this question.. Lol
I'm not sure what I am to be honest, I thought I wasn't but now I'm thinking maybe I am..

..והשאלה עדיין במקומה עומדת

I couldn't tell you because I don't think I am an addict. But I'm not sure why at this point you think you may be. 

Re: A struggling bochur 24 Mar 2019 03:19 #339906

Shteigen613 wrote on 24 Mar 2019 00:49:
Can you elaborate?
what do you mean by 1) muscle testing?
2) throwing away emotions?
thanks.

I believe on page 12 from this forum I posted how it works, if you want more info I can try describing it better
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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Re: A struggling bochur 25 Mar 2019 04:44 #339940

I may be an addict cuz I can't stop acting out even when it's ruining my health but what difference does it make?
My question is whats recovery for a lusteholic? 

Recovery means gaining the original strength and coming back to the regular stage one was holding prior to the incident..

If I'm always lusting and always have to be overly careful in what I do, then that's basically walking around with crutches, not recovery...

So even for a non addict (whatever that is) if he constantly needs gye to stay sober then sorry to say, he hasn't recovered! 

recovery is someone who kept acting out and currently doesn't act out on his own without needing gye, at least according to my definition of recovery...

For example someone which was addicted to using his phone constantly like me, and got rid of his phone, doesn't feel the need to receive messages to make him feel good, and is doing fine without some program has recovered, if he still needs support constantly then he hasn't recovered. 

I get the lusting is different cuz we were born with desires and we ain't getting rid of that, so once it's out of control it might be hard to go back to normal, but i still believe recovery is possible too for me,

In that case how do I recover without needing the gye tools to keep me sober?

Anyone?
Feel free to pm me, I'm a bochur, attend weekly live "SMART recovery" meetings.

הנותן עיניו במה שאינו שלו, מה שמבקש לא נותנים לו, ומה שבידו נוטלים ממנה

(סוטה ט, עמוד א)


ולכן אל יפול לב אדם
וכו' גם אם יהיה כן כל ימיו במלחמה זו כי אולי לכך נברא וזאת עבודתו לאכפיא לס"א תמיד 
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