Hello GYE,
This is my first time posting on a public forum about this addiction that has been in my life for almost 20 years. I am married and just like I am sure a lot of people in this community, I thought that these urges would be significantly curbed once I got married. That was not the case at all. Logically, that makes sense, why would I magically not feel the urge to act out just because I am married? I am still the same person, that has not changed. Maybe, it was desperate and hopeful thinking. All it did was make me feel even more guilty and weak because before I was only ruining my life but now I am ruining someone else's as well. Even just reflecting on the number of years I have struggled with this is extremely humbling. I am not new to GYE but I am new to the forums. I have been a subscriber to the emails for quite some time now but while I have found them to be helpful I do not feel that they are enough. For one thing, often times I will not feel motivated to even read them because I have this subconscious denial in my head that I even need them or I cant find the motivation and strength to deal with it so I don't even open it. Even when I do read them, I have found that the inspiration is fleeting and I do not have enough willpower to keep the inspiration going. I have also tried filters, and accountability software but I have always found a way around them. There is always something that the filter misses and there is always a new device or method of avoiding the accountability software. There are times when I am home alone and that is when I struggle the most. I am trying to finally take the long overdue leap and start utilizing more of GYE's tools because I think the only way to beat this is to fundamentally change who I am and I think that I will need support to do that from people who have been there. Thank you GYE for this incredible tool and all of it's resources, you are saving lives.

welcome,i hope you find here what you are looking for  . a few things,
" I am married and just like I am sure a lot of people in this community, I thought that these urges would be significantly curbed once I got married. That was not the case at all. Logically, that makes sense, why would I magically not feel the urge to act out just because I am married?"
YOU ARE CORRECT, THE YETZER HARA IS STILL ALIVE EVEN AFTER MARRIAGE , BUT YOU ARE CORRECT TO HAVE THOUGHT  THAT AFTER MARRIAGE  THE TEMPTATION WOULD BE MUCH LESS SINCE NOW YOU HAVE PAS BISALO,BREAD IN THE BASKET SO TO SPEAK ,ARE YOU STILL LUSTING AS MUCH AS WHEN YOU WERE A BACHUR?
"I am still the same person, that has not changed. Maybe, it was desperate and hopeful thinking. All it did was make me feel even more guilty and weak because before I was only ruining my life but now I am ruining someone else's as well."
MAY I ASK HOW YOU ARE RUINING SOMEONE ELSES LIFE,DO YOU FEEL THIS IS HAVING AN AFFECT ON YOUR MARRIAGE?IN WHAT WAY? IM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS THE ANSWER ,BUT EVEN IF YOU ARE ACTING OUT  C"V YOU CAN STILL BE A CARING  AND LOVING HUSBAND  ,ITS SOMETHING THAT NEEDS WORK EVEN BY HUSBANDS THAT DONT ACT OUT,THERE ARE ALOT OF  GREAT SHALOM  BAYIS BOOKS OUT THERE,AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT ,WORKING ON YOUR MARRIAGE CAN AFFECT LESSENING YOUR ACTING OUT .
YOU SOUND LIKE A REALLY INSPIRED GYE`ER ,KEEP ON POSTING ,HAVE YOU TRIED OUT THE GYE HANDBOOK?ITS A GREAT TOOL TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE AS YOU MENTIONED.HATZLACHA!

Welcome to the forums. Connection with people did the trick here for many of us. Maybe post a little more so chevra here can respond. What are your triggers? Stress? Boredom? General lust? How often do you fall?  Iyh you will have hatzlocha here.

getclean wrote on 20 Apr 2018 13:48:

Welcome chaver. Thanks for writing coherently. Wishing you all the hatzlacha in the world.