i am a 14 year old frum boy... on the outside. on the inside i have an extremely big desire to look at nakedness. i can just look at a picture of a naked woman (completely) and enjoy myself but this disturbs me so much in my davening, learning etc.
noone knows and i'm not planning on telling anyone anytime soon but i'm wondering if you would be able to help ma. where does it even say in torah and halocho that you are not allowed to look at naked people, and why?

Hi,
First, that is very brave of you to speak about your struggle and i commend you for that. Coming here shows you want to change and that's the 1st step-and maybe the biggest step. GYE has many useful tools. As well, everyone here is friendly, warm, and caring. We are all willing and want to help out so don't be afraid to reach out.
As for your question: The torah says "you should not look at ערוה" which halacha defines for us as looking at immodestly dressed women. The Halacha tells us what is considered immodest dress.
If you have any other questions don't be afraid to ask them. If you want, my email is 360gye@gmail.com

moshiach now wrote on 10 Apr 2018 12:12:

There are many sources both in the pesukim, and in the Shulchan Aruch. If you’d really like, we can post them. 

But let’s get to your second question. Why? Why doesn’t Hashem want us to look at baked women if it feels so good? 

So so there are a variety of answers, but let’s keep it simple.

G-d wants us, His people, to be holy. Holy means we aren’t drawn after every physical desire that our body tells us, and are able to take our energies and direct them to focusing on a connection to Hashem and doing His will. 

Holy also means that we take the physical desires that we do have and direct them to things that will build us spiritually as well.

So imagine a person who is learning and growing, but every time he is davening or learning he is thinking about naked ladies. Or that he leaves his chavrusa in middle of learning about the Kohen Gadol on Yom Kipur and on a bathroom break goes to look at naked images on his phone. Doesn’t really work, does it?

When you meet real holy people, you see that they’re normal in the sense that they are nice and kind, but just not phased if they didn’t have delicious food, if the potatoes were missing salt, or if the material things weren’t perfect. Those things aren’t important to them.

And what about this desire we have? There is no doubt that if one keeps his eyes to himself and directs his physical desires to an emotionally and physically intimate relationship with his wife, it will be as good or better than anything he’s looking at. (And if you think that’s just “frum talk”, studies show that married couples rate their sexual experiences more positively than single ones do. And there was NYT article this week expressing a similar idea.) Studies also show that people who say they’re pretty happily married, after seeing a pornographic picture, will rate their marriage as less happy. 

As as my therapist once said, “I don’t look at women because I don’t intend to sleep with them, and if I won’t sleep with them, I’ll just be sexually frustrated.” And he said, “People don’t realize that there’s no end to sexual desire, the more you feed it, the more you need it, and Hashem has done us a tremendous favor that is GOOD FOR US by telling us not to look all over the places.”

I hope this was somewhat helpful, and would love to hear any feedback and questions.

moshiach now wrote on 10 Apr 2018 12:12:

hello tzadik! i think that its great that a boy your age ,instead of going with the flow of ta`ava to look ,your asking questions ,and THATS GREAT! i wish i was like you when i was your age. there is a great ebook on gye,free download  that discusses whats forbidden, i hope its what youre looking for                    ,make sure to delete it if you dont want your parents to see ,although it might not be a bad idea if they knew about your struggle,youre not a rasha, youre only a healthy normal boy, healthy interest, although us yidden have to fight interests that are against the Torah. the ebook looks like thisDear Bochur

• Synopsis: Written to inform and to encourage Bochurim about inyanei Kedusha, based on 40 years of experience dealing with Bochurim.
• Categories: 
  
  • Prevention
  • Teens
  • Parents & Educators
• Author: Rabbi Dovid Sapirman
• License: Free for distribution

Free 
go to the top of the page and press the button that says Ebooks
hatzlacha
p.s. there is also a great book by artscroll called POSITIVE VISION,its split up by daily reading its really great!

moshiach now wrote on 10 Apr 2018 12:12:

i dont think someone who has a desire to look ,is not frum in the inside too,you have a yetzer hara, and you have to deal with it,your mitzvos,Torah learning are STILL beloved by Hashem and you have alot of sechar waiting for you! please dont let the yetzer hara get you down and trick you into thinking that you are a faker ,im sure YOURE VERY FRUM IN  THE INSIDE! and the" frumniss" is what brought you to gye to ask your question! hatzlacha.
by the way a trick that some people use not to think of forbidden thoughts during davening IS TO LOOK IN A SIDDUR and focus on the words with meaning  dont daven by heart with your eyes closed , i think youll see a difference.

Welcome to a brave young man! Boy do i wish i would have found GYE as you did at 14. Years of agony would have been avoided...... Hang around here, keep posting, keep learning from the experts, and may Hashem give you much hatzlocha.