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TOPIC: my story 1362 Views

my story 09 Apr 2018 08:11 #329381

 I struggled from the age of 19. At first very not very often.  I didn't have my own device. After about a year I got a smartphone and started watching porm.  But I still didn't masturbate. When I was 21 yrs old I started masturbating.  When I was 22 I worked very hard to brake free and I had a few long streaks. now im 23, and recently i fell very often
Last Edit: 11 Dec 2018 00:45 by בעל תשובה תשעח. Reason: ,

Re: my story 09 Apr 2018 17:51 #329404

  • grateful4life
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Thank you for sharing your story. I certainly commend you for the courage to let it all out on this forum. 
I'm not one to diagnose and I'm certainly not convinced that you're an addict but your extreme and intense practices remind me of myself and many other addicts I know.
A common misunderstanding is that everything one does in frumkeit/avodas hashem is a contradiction to acting out with shmutz. But the truth is that if a person has extreme tendencies they will usually manifest themselves in both areas. Additionally, most addicts in recovery that I know of, including myself, tend to purposely reduce their intensity in avodas hashem as part of their recovery since intense practices, religious or otherwise, tends to feed their addictive nature and craving for getting some sort of "high", even a "spiritual high" from these intense practices. As a case in point, we are now in the week following Pesach, Leil Seder and Shevii shel Pesach where many jews tend to do some intense practices in order to tap into the lofty spiritual air, if you will, that is prevalent at this time of year. What follows for many addicts is that we feel a void after the yomim tovim and we tend to look for other highs to fill the gap, hence many jews struggling with lust feel extremely challenged during this week (and many fall, not even realizing why).

I have found that a 12-step way of life, which includes daily recovery routines, working with a sponsor to go through the steps, connecting to Hashem on a very practical and down to earth level, and staying connected to a fellowship/group of like minded people, has been the antidote to my addictive/intense lustful and other behaviors and there are many Rabbonim and psychological experts that recommend it as well. BH through the help of the aforementioned program I have been able to stay sober from my addiction for over 19 months, after having been in active addiction for many many years.

Lastly, if you're into books I would recommend that you read "G-d of Our Understanding" by the esteemed and renowned Lubavitcher Chossid, Rabbi Shais Taub. It gives a deeper understanding into the addictive nature and the antidote of the 12 step program from a Torah perspective.

I wish you much bracha, hatzlacha and siyata diishmaya on your path to recovery. 

Re: my story 09 Apr 2018 20:01 #329413

  • lomed
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Welcome Brother.

Thanks for coming here to help yourself and help others. Keep up your good work. Looking forward for a smooth ride.
I currently attend live SA meetings. Feel free to reach out to me.
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