Good question,
Thank you for checking in, In general I’m doing ok...
I have accountability on my computer, that stops me from watching P. However it doesn’t COMPLETELY stop me from watching YouTube, which does cause me to M. and loose my מנוחת הנפש for the following day or two (I would like to point out that for YouTube, having accountability take away the pleasure of the experience, knowing that my chaver will see it, on the report makes it feel stupid, at the end I’m left to deal with the shame (not guilt) and urge)
To stop watching YouTube on my computer I’m trying 2 new tools,
1. to use some Hisbonenus (contemplation) That my problem is not P or M rather lust, which can be, by paying attention to the women walking pass me on the street, shopping on AMZ taking that second gaze where I’m not supposed to
2. Every Sunday, taking some time to realign my thoughts,
the pros and cons of giving into or not giving into my urges, how giving in to my urges is really short sighted (I really believe in this) and by not giving in I’ll be able to grow healthfully, spiritually and physically.
This past Wednesday I had a fall (YouTube and M.) the Sunday before I haven’t taken the time to realign my thoughts.
I had the urge to continue watching YouTube and M., With Hashems help I have stopped myself by telling myself that it’s ok to have urges but not every urge that creeps up you must act upon (no one died from not acting on their urges)
Thank you guys for hearing me out.
A Freilichen Chanuka!!!
