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TOPIC: My Story 5343 Views

Re: My Story 08 Jul 2019 19:41 #342151

  • Confucius
  • Current streak: 4 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 29
  • Karma: 3
Weird wrote:
Hello there.
I am 25, brought up yeshivish orthodox here in NY.
I recently finished grad school and am quite consumed with my professional life/work.
While I made a promise to myself that I would make this journey to living a "more wholesome" and disciplined life once I completed my schooling, as you might expect, I have been having real difficulty doing that.
So after delaying visiting this website for a while, I forced myself to sign up today.
I am not sure how many members on the site find themselves in a similar situation as me but I assume there are at least a few. 
So here goes - 
While I went to mainstream yeshivas throughout my childhood as well as in Israel too, I was always not that in touch with being Jewish. Now that I have just recently completed numerous years of undergrad and grad school at university combined with some family struggles and dealing with a successful yet very stressful work environment, I am for all intent and purposes, totally out of touch with belief in Judaism. I simply don't really care and I don't think that it makes much sense. While I am confident about my belief in a god being the creator of the world, I am a bit exhausted from trying to make orthodoxy or for that matter, general Judaism speak to me. Prior to university I made substantial efforts in terms of going to Aish etc. and at times I felt the connection and it made some sort of sense but now I don't have the time or patience. I guess it is in part because I am just so stressed out about making money and working extremely hard to be successful and reach professional milestones. From a religious perspective, all the talk about porn, out of marriage sex, etc being against god only speaks to be on a very small level.
So... why am I on here trying to embark on this journey?
I do believe in my heart that porn is sick on some level and would love to live a life of discipline where I am in control of what I do. Primarily, my primary motivation for signing up is b/c I am tired of not having control of my desires. I want to live a disciplined life and I am sick and tired of failing in this regard.
I am sorry that this intro is convoluted and and full of errors, I just want to get this journey started. 
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