I would hope you care about yourself, if you don't who will? Maybe try and be dan lekaf zchus on yourself and you might see that you're not completely selfish, and probably never were. Things are never so black and white, despite what our addictive black and white thinking mind tells us. Nobody's all selfish, nobody's all righteous. We're all a beautiful mix of grey, the worst addict included. Please don't speak lashon harrah about yourself :-) Also, being a sex addict is a defense mechanism, not an identity.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 24 Mar 2017 12:50:

I like that you didn't say we manage to merge our two lives and live bishleimus because that goal seems far away.
The way your post reads to me is that we start accepting ourselves, the good and the bad, and try to move the needle on the bad.
Is that what you meant?

 Whenever we fall short of our ideals, we have a double standard. When someone knows that anger is not a good thing but he get angry, he's living a double standard. When he knows that ideally he shouldn't be mevatel Torah for even one minute, but he does, that's a double standard.  And just because he's sexually sober, it doesn't mean that he's not living a double standard in some areas of his life.  So unless we can somehow achieve perfection where we're always living according to our ideals 100%, then we're all living a double standard our whole life.  So you see, living a double standard is unavoidable, and beating ourselves for having a "double standard" is both counterproductive and dangerous.  It means that we're always going to find something to beat ourselves up about and be doomed to pretty miserable life as a result.  So the reason for getting sober is not to shed the "double standard", but rather because we need to live and be productive and we can't do either without sobriety.  So lets work towards sobriety and not worry about this so called "double standard", both in ourselves and in others. Hatzlachoh tzaddik, you're on the path.

Baruch HaShem we all get to choose how we identify ourselves. I am a sex addict as well, but I don't let it define my essence like some others do. I have no idea how you truly identify yourself, but I just wanted to throw the concept out there that being an addict shouldn't define us as an identity. This was taught to me very early on in recovery by an addiction therapist.  To each his own! In all honesty, I have no idea what you're referring to when talking of Reb Chaim's test of truth, but sounds pretty intense :-)

I'm not referring to CBT. I think one can say he's a sex addict but still not let that become his identity.  Just like one can say he has diabetes but not let it become his identity. Its about whether we choose to associate ourselves with our weaknesses or strengths.

I know that any identity that helps me see the good in myself and others and brings more positivity in my life that I can share with those around me is a good one :-)

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