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Hi from bb0212
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TOPIC: Hi from bb0212 7385 Views

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 04:47 #304852

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cordnoy wrote on 03 Feb 2017 01:17:

Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.




Personally I could not disagree more.

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.




Personally I could not agree more with your agreement.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 03 Feb 2017 05:21 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 04:54 #304853

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Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:23:
I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. Do you have a good support system? Family, friends, Rav, mentor, etc?




Hashem has blessed me with all types of wonderful support. ברוך השם, and he spreads the ברכה to His children. We are so lucky to be Jewish 
You guys are also part of that support!
Thank you
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 03 Feb 2017 05:02 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 05:19 #304855

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ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
Welcome bb02012.

I am not surprised that you are struggling.

You had regular sex and female companionship inside your marriage, now you do not.
So there is a physical and emotional vacuum to be filled.

May Hashem grant you a new wife speedily.

Thank you, correct & amen! May you have much fulfillment in the wife dept, spiritually, physically & emotionally! (not sure whether or not you're married)
ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:

Way wait until you sort out your Shmirat Ha Brit problems for looking for a new wife?
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.

I would say that generally speaking, the statement that somebody would have שמירת הברית problems because they're single would be very wrong. 
 How would a married man struggling with שמירת הברית respond to that? How would a single guy (there are a number in these forums) that has success with שמירת הברית respond to that? Hashem put us on this world for a reason & gives us challenges for a reason. If we are giving it 100% & we're still failing, it's one thing. But how common is that? Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever find the right one - that's up to Hashem - so if I remain single for life, will that excuse hold up in court after 120? "I'm sorry, but I was single, I couldn't control myself." just won't cut it. 

Colin, I very much appreciate your thoughts, (really!) please don't take this as an attack if I sound a bit strong, I just very strongly disagree with that. And thank you again for your thoughts.
ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:

In the meantime, hope this Forum helps.
And filling time with constructive activity can help too.

Me too, it already has helped way more than I thought it would...
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 03 Feb 2017 05:21 by bb0212.

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 07:27 #304859

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I agree with everything everyone is agreeing with on this thread but I do believe (very strongly) in the concept of lo tov for man to be alone.
Men were created to be givers and to have a wife to be able to give to.
Yes it might make for a rollercoaster ride for a few years, but an acknowledged addict who knows what he is and is starting to recover is in a way better place than an addict in the throes of the addiction and in denial, and i would say most certainly , it is NOT good for man to be alone.. addict or not.

Re: Hi 03 Feb 2017 15:11 #304867

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GrowStrong wrote on 03 Feb 2017 07:27:
I agree with everything everyone is agreeing with on this thread but I do believe (very strongly) in the concept of lo tov for man to be alone.
Men were created to be givers and to have a wife to be able to give to.
Yes it might make for a rollercoaster ride for a few years, but an acknowledged addict who knows what he is and is starting to recover is in a way better place than an addict in the throes of the addiction and in denial, and i would say most certainly , it is NOT good for man to be alone.. addict or not.

Agreed 100%, I would love to be married now, just haven't found the right girl.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Hi 04 Feb 2017 23:50 #304883

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bb02012

I do not believe there is a "generally speaking."
Shmirat HaBrit problems can be linked to various triggers; no two people are guaranteed to be the same.

Some have lust issues.
Others are lonely and seek comfort from porn.

These lead to the same end result, but have different triggers, are caused by different things, different emotions.

Have a look at what you wrote - 

Question: "How long have you been struggling? 

Answer: Since a few months after we were separated.

I was upset (to put it mildly) that my ex wanted a "temporary" separation (which ended up being permanent) and started looking at porn as some sort of revenge. The revenge factor is long since gone, but I awoke a sleeping monster."


You admit you have struggled after your separated.
You did not have this problem whilst married.

I fail to see how looking at porn is revenge.
But I can see how it provides "junk food" comfort.

I realise my ideas are not the usual on here, but I know for myself that if I am lonely I am much more likely to have Shmirat HaBrit problems than if I am socially active.
Last Edit: 05 Feb 2017 00:43 by ColinColin.

Re: Hi 05 Feb 2017 00:50 #304885

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"ColinColin" post=304883 date=1486252255 catid=19bb02012

I do not believe there is a "generally speaking."
Shmirat HaBrit problems can be linked to various triggers; no tow people are guaranteed to be the same.

Have a look at what you wrote - 

"How long have you been struggling? 
Since a few months after we were separated.
I was upset (to put it mildly) that my ex wanted a "temporary" separation (which ended up being permanent) and started looking at porn as some sort of revenge. The revenge factor is long since gone, but I awoke a sleeping monster."


You admit you have struggled after your separated.
You did not have this problem whilst married.


 Likewise, I didn't have this problem for a long time before getting married.
I fail to see how looking at porn is revenge.

 There was a revenge factor, but I'm not writing the whole story. 

But I can see how it provides "junk food" comfort.

I realise my ideas are not the usual on here, but I know for myself that if I am lonely I am much more likely to have Shmirat HaBrit problems than if I am socially active.

Shavua tov Colin, please see my comments above.
I definitely agree that if I'm married it would be easier to be שומר הברית and it definitely was. But it's not the reason that I struggle with this. The reason I want to be in control before getting remarried is that getting married won't take away habits.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Hi 05 Feb 2017 07:14 #304895

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I believe R Twerski says many times "marriage is not a hospital."

Kol hakovod to you for working on yourself, no matter what your circumstances.

Re: Hi 05 Feb 2017 07:26 #304896

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Great quote Dr.

Re: Hi 06 Feb 2017 11:25 #305012

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bb0212 wrote on 03 Feb 2017 04:47:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Feb 2017 01:17:

Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.





Personally I could not disagree more.

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.




Personally I could not agree more with your agreement.

Hey hey, let's not get too personal here.

bb0212, your story sounds like absolute hell. I pray it gets better and you find true happiness in this world. Keep in touch with all of us. Keep going. 
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Hi 06 Feb 2017 14:25 #305028

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Singularity wrote on 06 Feb 2017 11:25:

bb0212 wrote on 03 Feb 2017 04:47:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Feb 2017 01:17:

Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.






Personally I could not disagree more.

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.




Personally I could not agree more with your agreement.

Hey hey, let's not get too personal here.

bb0212, your story sounds like absolute hell. I pray it gets better and you find true happiness in this world. Keep in touch with all of us. Keep going. 

Thank you. It's not absolute hell. It was very difficult when I was depressed (I would definitely consider depression absolute hell), but through the recovery from depression, I've learned how to appreciate life & I've gained a very strong connection to our Father upstairs. Bh life is awesome. Difficulties are part and parcel of life. Every clean day makes it even better. :-)
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.

Re: Hi 06 Feb 2017 17:15 #305034

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Great attitude! An inspiration for all of us May Hashem give you koach to keep it up!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Hi 07 Feb 2017 09:45 #305102

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bb0212 wrote on 06 Feb 2017 14:25:

Singularity wrote on 06 Feb 2017 11:25:

bb0212 wrote on 03 Feb 2017 04:47:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Feb 2017 01:17:

Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.







Personally I could not disagree more.

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.




Personally I could not agree more with your agreement.

Hey hey, let's not get too personal here.

bb0212, your story sounds like absolute hell. I pray it gets better and you find true happiness in this world. Keep in touch with all of us. Keep going. 

Thank you. It's not absolute hell. It was very difficult when I was depressed (I would definitely consider depression absolute hell), but through the recovery from depression, I've learned how to appreciate life & I've gained a very strong connection to our Father upstairs. Bh life is awesome. Difficulties are part and parcel of life. Every clean day makes it even better. :-)

Beautiful

Could still be hell, but you got your firesuit on 
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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Re: Hi from bb0212 07 Feb 2017 15:47 #305139

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Singularity wrote on 07 Feb 2017 09:45:

bb0212 wrote on 06 Feb 2017 14:25:

Singularity wrote on 06 Feb 2017 11:25:

bb0212 wrote on 03 Feb 2017 04:47:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Feb 2017 01:17:

Watson wrote on 03 Feb 2017 00:21:

ColinColin wrote on 02 Feb 2017 23:28:
In my view, your Shmirat Ha Brit problems are because you are single.









Personally I could not disagree more.

Personally, I could not agree more with this disagreement.




Personally I could not agree more with your agreement.

Hey hey, let's not get too personal here.

bb0212, your story sounds like absolute hell. I pray it gets better and you find true happiness in this world. Keep in touch with all of us. Keep going. 

Thank you. It's not absolute hell. It was very difficult when I was depressed (I would definitely consider depression absolute hell), but through the recovery from depression, I've learned how to appreciate life & I've gained a very strong connection to our Father upstairs. Bh life is awesome. Difficulties are part and parcel of life. Every clean day makes it even better. :-)

Beautiful

Could still be hell, but you got your firesuit on 

Nope. It took time, but after years of being fed the message of fire and brimstone I discovered that God is actually really nice. He loves me. He's not putting me through hell, he's helping me out a bit (a lot). Just because I don't know what and why this helps, and it seems like a difficult situation, doesn't mean that it's hell. It just means that I don't know. And it's, in all likelihood not hell, but rather a path to heaven.
My road to 90 days, all with God's help.             What brought me here.90 days with Areivim

Made it 259 days from 01/28/17-10/15/17 without mz"l. At day 90, I started to go for all aspects of שמירת עניים\הברית. At day 168 I fell with שמירת עניים & restarted the count. On approximately November 4 2017, with the support of a fellow GYE brother (daily text messages/phone calls), I restarted. This round I'm working on שמירת הברית as well as שמירת עניים.
Last Edit: 07 Feb 2017 15:48 by bb0212.

Re: Hi from bb0212 08 Feb 2017 09:26 #305243

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again, beautiful.

I'm just doing my part. I need to tell you it sounds like hell. You need to realise it's all for the good.

My chavrusa just lost his kid at 6 months' pregnancy. This following a previous miscarriage as well. And this guy is an actual illui, never stops learning, such a nice guy, constantly working on himself (we learn mussar together, discuss our lives).

He told me the worst thing someone said to him is "Hashem does everything for the good!"
It's true, but it's only his cheshbon, not anyone else's. He told me the best comment he got was from one of his rabbeim in Israel,

"OY, MAN, THAT SUCKS!!!"

I've heard the idea quoted often. Another's gashmiyus is your ruchniyus.

Rav Twerski brings a story. A rav going around for yeshiva donations, the donors say, "Doesn't the Mishna say, bread and salt, and water? Why so lavish?"
He responds, "It also says, etz chayim hi l'machazikim ba. From the donors' perspective, we must give all we can. From the learners' perspectives, they must know to subsist and not indulge."
"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?"
"... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

One day... At A Time :-D


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