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TOPIC: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 892 Views

Introduction: Meyer Lemon 09 Apr 2016 20:48 #284088

MeyerLemon
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Shalom Chaverim,
           I currently struggle with masturbation, pornography addiction, and SSA. Social Networking sites and image searches are the worst for me, and I have spent literally all night looking for pictures. It is affecting my work, as I telecommute into work, and the temptation has been too great.

           I am starting teshuvah, (again!). I was involved in Xianity, thinking that it would help, but I think it just made things worse. So, I am coming home.   I don't come from a frum home, and there are many things I don't know.
           Technically, I am not Jewish, (my father is Jewish), so for now, "frum" means "frum" Noahide, it all the exposition of the 7 laws. I get the sense sometimes that maybe I should, "tikkunify" my bloodline, become Jewish, get married, and have children, but that may not be HaShem's plan.
          I am hoping to move perhaps to the Five Points area, so that I could be in walking distance to a shul, and at least position myself to follow the frum, Orthodox way. I am interested in modesty for obvious reasons, and want to put into practice the Orthodox sense of that word.

          This comes to a side point that I am attending a beginner's Yiddish class at the Workmen's Circle, (definitely not frum friendly). There is an issue of Kol Isha, as it is a woman teacher, and she usually will sing a Yiddish song, so I am not sure how to resolve that. If there were Frum Yiddish classes somewhere in the LI/NYC area, I wish I knew about them.

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 10 Apr 2016 01:34 #284102

skeptical OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 1118 Karma: 78	Welcome to GYE!
	Welcome, New Members! \| Frequently Asked Questions

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 10 Apr 2016 17:07 #284181

shmulyz19
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I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem
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Hello Meyer,
Welcome.
please forgive skep. He is usually full of advice and tips. Maybe he's too tired.
I suffer from P & M ,as well as SSA.
I know it's hard to stop it. but think about it. If you jack off all the time, you may not be able to have kids.
As far as porn goes, it'll slowly poison you. Think about all these porn film actors, they get to paid a ton to do this stuff on film. you don't want to share the pleasure of "feeling better". Trust me, it works for a bit, but then I go through a hard time. and get cravings again. I do not want to stoop to their level, and neither do you. Maybe the 90 day chart will work for you. this is not advice, it's a encouraging suggestion.
I am not a therapist, I am merely a concerned poster and friend.

Hatzlacha... Shmuly.

I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT.

Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You
Thank you... Shmuly

Last Edit: 10 Apr 2016 17:15 by shmulyz19. Reason: making it cleaner.

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 10 Apr 2016 18:13 #284193

MeyerLemon Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Expert Boarder The whole world rests on the tip of the tongue. Posts: 94 Karma: 3	I appreciate it, Shmuly. My usual poision is not porn, believe it or not, but Facebook and Youtube! But it does often escalate to porn, but not necessarily. I developed my addiction as a child, so I learned how to do these things without porn.

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 10 Apr 2016 18:37 #284195

shmulyz19 OFFLINE Banned I am lucky to be alive each day. Thank you HaShem Posts: 160 Karma: -1	I have 2 Facebooks and my friends post all sorts of drama, and I try not to get depressed myself. With youtube they have all sorts of porn and smut, so I am glad I have a filter that blocks Youtube. keep us posted and KOT. Shmuly
	I am not a therapist offering advice. I am merely a concerned poster and Friend.. You can do it. KOT. Please chat me anytime. I'm all ears. Thank You Thank you... Shmuly

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 10 Apr 2016 20:58 #284201

shlomo24
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MeyerLemon wrote on 10 Apr 2016 15:51:

Shlomo24, I was always the "good boy", "the mama's boy", the one that never gave my mother any trouble.  When I went away to college, I developed a crush on my roommate, and at first, I was troubled by it, and was wondering if I was "gay". Well, the school psychologist was gay -- he led me down the path to have me conclude myself that I was gay. He gave me advice about --- er..."preparation to be the passive one" regarding sex. There was a Gay and Lesbian Student Alliance on campus as well as a Gay and Lesbian Community Center in the city. So, I became openly gay, and "came out" to my parents, (although at different times). Yes, I declared myself as gay before even having sex with a man.
    I had always been involved in masturbation -- since elementary school, at least 2x/day.  My college years were essentially ruined due to my focus on my "gay identity", and my masturbation.
    One day, about 14 years ago, I was printing dirty pictures after hours at work. It happened that one of the pictures did not go to the printer that I was expecting it to go to. I panicked because the office floor was large and I was frantically trying to find it. Luckily, I did, and then I knew that I had a problem.
   At that time, I had recently become Roman Catholic, (another story), and knew that I had to stop having gay sex and masturbating. I doubted seriously that I could ever stop masturbating, but after praying to G-d about it, I was able to stay abstinent for 120 days, (roughly). I was involved with SSA recovery groups like Courage, (for Roman Catholics), and Journey into Manhood, (don't recommend either). I found myself being ingratiating to HaShem and I was putting on one "pious face" to the world, and another face at home.  In 2007, after months of bad thought, I fell back into the gay crowd, and I ended up being in a domestic partnership for 5 years.
     My partner passed away in 2013, and I had moved in with my sister in the drama following the aftermath. I want to move out and be connected to the Jewish community in Five Towns / Cedarhust . I have to deal with a number of triggers here, and I would rather not deal with triggers at "home base".

Wow, I hear. Apparently the gay lifestyle is not as good as they make it out to, at least in your experience. I went to Jim, what didn't you like? How is the 5 towns treating you?

If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can.

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 11 Apr 2016 15:08 #284296

MeyerLemon
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The gay lifestyle, in my experience, seems wonderful at first: there is a sense of freedom and adventure, but there was no satisfaction in it for me. I thought that it was going to be a lot different than the loneliness it ultimately turned out to be.

As far as the JiM weekend, maybe it is different in Eretz Yisrael, but here it is full of pagan imagery, ("the hero's welcome", "the four winds", etc...). It is also very Mormon-dominated, and Mormons do proselytize. At the time, I thought JiM was great. But then I went to the "next step", the Mankind Project, and they are "gay neutral". If you think being gay is great and self-affirming, you'll fit in, if you think being gay is bad and against natural law, no problem! And MKP uses a lot of its own vocabulary, which is a red flag for me. So I felt a bit betrayed by JiM that its principles were not really as solid against the notion of "gay" as I was led to believe. To say that the next level from a weekend that was specifically against the notion of gay as normal, is to a weekend that says that gay is okay, doesn't make sense to me.

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 12 Apr 2016 04:53 #284363

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	I hear. I'm personally not anti gay marriage from a social judicial standpoint.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: Introduction: Meyer Lemon 04 Aug 2016 19:50 #293362

CanaDan Current streak: 139 days OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 2 Karma: 0	Hello Meyer. I am also a Noahide, hopefully as 'frum' as yourself! Clean now for over four months, thank G-d. I wish you you all the best. Daniel.