I had brought up the topic of Jewish Meditation once before.

One of the things I've read here, and I think I'll attribute it to Dov, is that trying to separate ourselves into "that person who would do those terrible things" and "the man that I really am" is no road to recovery. It's at the root of the white knuckles approach. In order to truly change we have to take ownership for who we are and what we have become.

But I find addiction is like a black hole in my personality and it just kind of sucks my consciousness into it. Next thing you know there I am again looking at things I know will lead me right where I don't want to go. It really seems on some level like another me takes over and the good me has to pull me back.

Having practiced meditation for many years, but not consistently, I know its good for me and has very deep roots in Judaism. But up until now I've always practiced a type of meditation that is more like a medical meditation.

This week I had been reading a book called Jewish Meditation. On Shabbat I decided to do a Jewish Meditation call the Henini Meditation. As the name suggests the practitioner focuses on Henini. I'll not go into the meaning here, other than to say the concept is at the root of some of the deepest surrendering to God. Moshe at the burning bush, Avraham at the Akeidah.

I spent 45 minutes meditation on Hineni and was very touched by how that other me of the black hole didn't even have a chance.