I began hanging out with the likes of Chavi less and less. More and more with the likes of Devoiry. She was one of the girls on my block, I didn't know it at the time but she had begun to use drugs already and had a whole host of boyfriends.
For my seventeenth birthday my (clueless and hopelessly rich) dad got me a smartphone. They were a fairly new phenomenon still and there was no internet asifa or kehilla takanos in place yet. My mom was delighted that I was reachable (never during school hours of course). And I discovered social media, and thereby Devoiry's boyfriend Avrumy.
One day I got a text: "Hey it'd Mandal Lando frend from avrumy. Devoiry say you cool with txt. And wer both chassidish"
Yeah, his lack of proficiency in English betrayed that much about him. I was young and stupid and confused and frustrated and loyal to Devoiry. I didn’t want to answer, but I couldn’t be “not cool”. I replied. Mendel was actually fun, he was the son of a Chassidic Rebbe that simply couldn't measure up to his family standards.
Thus began a very strange period in my life. The group went lower and lower, I was never too involved, always on the fringe. Mendel was depressed, he had been through a broken engagement, I tried to cheer him up, but boys aren't like that. Eventually he was thrown out of Yeshiva together with Avrumy*.
Devoiry tried to get me more involved, she tried to get me to dress more like her, but I was in school. Those years were terrible, I appeared very studious and I even tried to fit in chassidish-wise, sometimes. Other times I was trying to fit in with Devoiry/Avrumy/Mendel. I was living a double life and hating myself for it.



________________
* (More of that story here: https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/205277-A-tale-of-a-Giraffe-and-an-Emu--by-Lefty-MacPhee?limit=15&start=30#206483)

On Imagination

Does that mean we're left with a cliffhanger?

You're leaving it up to our imaginations?

TZ, someone once said: do not fear your imagination