Boruch
Life is messed up. I hate people. I hate torah. Everyone wants me to work hard. I don't want to. Everyone says I'm successful. I wish I was. I'm such a failure, it's stupid. Why can't I just be happy? Why the #$%@ does it have to be that the second I stop learning for two minutes I'm in a trash heap?! Why am I a piece of dirt?!
I wish someone would UNDERSTAND me. I wish I would be able to chill and schmooze with people. I can't relax. I'm full of pressure. I feel like I'm going to EXPLODE. Why. WHAT?????????????????
I don't even know what's bothering me. But it's KILLING me. Something deep inside. And nothing can make it go away. I wish I can just sit down and watch episode after episode of an exciting TV show, just pretend life doesn't exist. Just pretend that a million pretty girls aren't ignoring me. Pretend that the actresses smiling to the camera are smiling to me.
HATE. I hate it. The world and its inhabitants, all of them. Myself included.
Uccccccchhhhhhhhhhh.

Yanki
Okay, I NEED to learn now. Not the time to fool around. Boruch knows like kol hatoira killih and he doesn't need me on his head. I get it. I'm skipping yeshiva today, I'll go learn in Mesivta on Ki Tov, I don't want to deal with Boruch's shenanigans. Ki Tov street is named after the Baal Shem Tov's brother in law, Reb Gershon Kittiver. Tziyoinim are so WEIRD. Take Rechov Eli Hakohen, for instance, so there's Elkana, Penina, Chana, right? They all work out well with Eli HaKohen [if you learned Nach that is]. But what in the world is Zundel Grossberg doing there? Was he around back then?! Weirdos.
Nebach. Boorich sheloy oosahni Issue. Nashim have such ISSUES. Last night Esti walks into my room and just starts aimlessly touching things. So she was getting on my nerves… so I'm like "Can you get out of here?" not very nice of me I know, but she wasn't saying anything, just like getting in my face, you know? And she started crying and telling me that no one likes her or wants her, and DeLay [Delay?] doesn't like her anymore, and mommy is too busy with me to care about her. And she doesn't want to have to babysit the twins just because I'm in yeshiva a whole day.
I apologized and told her that everyone loves her and she's a delightful girl to have around. But when she broods in my room, for no apparent reason and I'm having this Rabbi Doctor guy come check me out it can be hard. And then she got animated and started talking about the gown she'll wear to my chasuna. And I tuned her out. Is that what it's like to be married? To have to constantly tune out a grown-up version of a fourteen year old girl? What am I getting myself into?

Esti
Dear Diary,
Sob. Yes diary, that's what life is like, and I do not even have a shoulder to sob on. I was really looking forward to mommy's cousin coming, she's not. DeLay is insulted because I said she should go on a diet for Yanki's chasuna. Which is probably what made her say that no one wants to marry my stupid brother anyway. Which got me insulted and I probably should've stopped right there, but I said that no one would marry HER if she's this fat. Which further insulted her and she said that my brother should really marry Miss Aurbach and I should paint a stupid portrait of them together cuz any portrait I paint would be stupid, especially if the subjects are stupid. And I said… never mind what I said. You get the picture, or you don't, cuz you're a diary. Ha, corny.
I was telling Yanki about the gown I'm going to get for his chasuna. Boys are totally clueless. Goyim have boyfriends. Why? I wonder what it's like to have a boyfriend…
I hope NO ONE finds this diary. Maybe I should erase that, sheesh.
Love Esti!
Love who? Love what? I wish I knew.

Like I said, I never really fit in at school and didn't really make friends there. Chavi was two years older than me and she was one of the special ed counselors in camp. Not too interested in the girls nor in machanayim or basketball (seriously, girls?) I volunteered for the chessed. Because I really was always goodhearted.
Anyway, Chavi was really nice to me. Typical Tzaddeikes, refined, eidel, tzniusdig, soft spoken, she gave her life to the girls, and somehow managed to be tons of fun despite being so… regal. Evidently, she noticed that I didn't really have friends and developed a close relationship with me. When I was in eleventh grade she got engaged. The Rebbe called her to his kvittel shteeb, herself.




He started explaining to her how our only objective is to raise chassidishe doiros and how hard it is in treifene America. And how much a wife and mother influences the entire family. And then he requested of her… that after her chasuna she shouldn't wear a sheitel, suggesting instead a more chassidish mode of hair covering. He added that he's asking her personally because he heard such wonderful things about her and how dedicated she is to yiddishkeit and torah and yiras shamayim.
She was the first. He did the same to a bunch of other kallos. Bardichev was slowly becoming more and more extreme as a chassidus. I didn't like it.

Chani
Heshi passed his farher!

Boruch
Yanki didn't show up here yesterday, he's not here now either. My uncle arrived yesterday. I reeeeeeeally need to find out what happened with Ruchi, my'ikoora mye suvri, illib'soif mye suvri? Shabbos is coming up, I got in to the Gaava"d for Friday night (he finishes pretty early they say, I'll go check out heeteroigener tisch afterwards. Shabbos morning I called Sruli Aurbach, he's from my brother Motty's kittah in Bardichev, lives here. He was hesitant but then said that sure I could come. He also davens in Heeteroigen. I stand by my opinion that Heeteroigen is the Israeli equivalent of Bardichev.
My chavrusa is getting engaged to my cousin! (Kuzintih? Kuzayness? Whatever) Woohoo!!!!
I'm going to the Kosel to daven for the shidduch.

Yanki
Ha! So I went to Mesivta and I got out the Ketzos choof hye to see about oodum meeihd l'oilam leinyan genyva. There happened to be a sheilos Yaabetz on the table; I checked the mafteach [stam out of curiosity, also because my head wasn't too focused] to see if there's anything on the sugya. Turns out in siman ayin hye he uses the story of Rav Yosef as a proof that a seema can't get an aliya. This was getting interesting so I got out a mishna brura chelek beis, turns out we don't pasken like that. There's also a halachos ketanos on the inyan, anyway, seforim are piling up…
"Doos iz dein platz?"
He caught me by surprise, this middle aged guy, nice grey beard, perfectly starched suit, impeccable beaber hat- evidently I'm on his seat. So he's standing and I'm hunched over my seforim, I peer up at him from beneath my seforim and say:
"Ahntshuldigt, ich zitz nisht doo gevaynlich, s'iz ayer platz?"
He assured me that no it's not his seat, after all he just got here from america today, but being that the only available seat in the beis medrash is across from me he wants to know if he can sit down. "Zicher! Zetzt eich."
So he starts asking me about my American accent- gets a little surprised when I say that "No I'm not an american bachur learning here but my family lives here." He asked what I'm learning and I showed him (I even showed him the ketzos at the bottom of the pile I had all but forgotten about!). After a while he got up to leave, he's like: Yanki Freedshtein? I was shocked. He smiled as he offered a handshake, it was warm and firm: "Akiva Pinchas Shvartz, see you tomorrow. Looking forward!" I stood frozen.
But enough theatrics, he showed up here today, and it went pretty well, I was relaxed. Right now I'm trying to shut out Esti's singing and prancing about. As if I'm engaged. Chill, you know.

Esti
Dearest Diary!
Yanki thinks I'm excited he's getting engaged, well yeah. but the fact that DeLay is talking to me is more exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well actually that they both happened on the same day is exciting.
After chug I walked Shaindel to the bus stop, when her bus came I just stayed on the bench at the bus stop. Then I saw Devorah Leah across the street. I looked at her she looked at me. She crossed over and stood in front of me. We both looked at each other ashamedly and sighed at the same second, the way only friends from way back can. She sat down. I told her the mechutan is meeting with my brother tomorrow.
"ANI LO MAAMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
I can swear she woke up every meis in a five mile radius. Then I came home to hear that Yanki actually met him already. Course I was dancing! Yanki didn't appreciate it, thinks I was overdoing it. Hey- at least I didn't do the techias hameisim thing. I think I will soon!
Yoish it's EXCITIIIIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGGGG! It's GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGG! You know what else? "ANI LO MAAMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Kisses and Hugs and Love and Everything Else!!!
Esti!

Who is the author. Is it J.K.Rowling or maybe, telling by the sinister twists, it is Roald Dahl?

tehillimzugger wrote:

Did anyone see Esti Friedstein's letter to Simcha Perlman in the "aim!" last week?

Part 12

Esti
Hey!
I know I said I hate Yanki's friend. I take that back. He's hilarious! And he knows Alice in Wonderland!!! He came over Friday night towards the end of the meal. No one was expecting him, I thought maybe it was DeLay so I went to open the door but it was him. I never saw him before. I stared [maybe "gaped for five seconds" is more accurate]. He closed his eyes, crossed his arms and said "I shall stand here on and off… for days and days!" he sounded exactly like I always imagined the frog footman to sound! So I said, "Hey at least there are no pans flying!" We both laughed. He said he's Yanki's chavrusa and I must be Yanki's most excellent kid sister whom Yanki informed him, shares his passion for Lewis Carroll. I invited him in and we both walked in with huge smiles. It was funny.
Yanki told me that the girl he's flying to America to meet is his first cousin. He's practically my sister-in-law!
Oh yeah, about that! My parents are going to America with Yanki!
No no, that won't do. Let me write that again. MY PARENTS ARE GOING TO AMERICA WITH YANKI!
What would Devora Leah say?
"ANI LO MAAMINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Yeah I did that on the previous page already! Who cares? "It behooves us to negate repetitive writing" Ha! Miss Aurbach's the best!
Love, me!

Yanki
Wow, I thought my father was in trouble with the law and that's why we moved here. Turns out my father was smuggled out of jail before they could put him on record or something like that. It's not that he can't go back, he never wanted to go back. We're going back now alright. I like Schwartz. Maybe I'll even put on strukkes if he davka wants me too.
Ok no getting ahead of myself, just setting myself up for disappointment.

Boruch
I'm in! The Gaavad is really into Chasam Sofer, everyone knows that. I mentioned what Reb Tanchum Zeesha once told me about Makkas Choshech and the Torah Temima. The Rov mamash got wild I was surprised myself! He pulled out all the seforim of the Chasam Sofer and asked me to show it to him, thankfully I remembered where it is. He calmed down somewhat and explained to me that the Chasam Sofer doesn't mean mamash what the Torah Temima writes and then he showed me that the Maharal also says like the Chasam Sofer, not necessarily like the Torah Temima. When he finished he asked "Vee iz nuchamoohl dein noomen?" yup! Ten points!
So afterwards, I'm going to the Heeteroigener tisch. There was still time though. I could've gone back to the dark empty dormitory where I would probably end up being motzi zera livatoola, so I decided to go to Yanki. [That's another ten points!] Guess who opened the door!! I used the Alice in Wonderland quote about opening a door, I was worried about how she'd respond. But she's smart, she immediately grasped what I mean and shot right back. I made sure to wipe the smile off my face before entering the dining room. Yanki's parents seemed happy to see me. We went to tisch, it's almost like Bardichev except that the Rebbe's toiros are about what tzaddikim revealed to him in dreams and stuff. I don't know, I hear that when he lived in America he had a small shteeble that people called Landau's Shul [Mendel Landau the badchan is his son] with an array of eccentric nutcases. Somehow he built himself up like crazy in the few years he's been living here. Anyway I went to daven there Shabbos morning, to meet Sruli Aurbach. I found out why he was hesitant to have me. I looked around by davening couldn't see any sign of him. When davening ended Yanki came over to me, and then some random yingermahn came over and asked me if I'm Schwartz. He explained that he's Aurbach's brother in law, Wasserman. His sister [Sruli's wife] had a baby last night and Sruli had asked him to invite me for the seuda. I wasn't so excited about it, and Yanki evidently noticed so he invited me! Esti was excited to see me again! :D