Since about '00, but much more so since I graduated with PhD in '08 I am very lonely. I would like to be a part of a Jewish community but the closest Chabad is 50 miles away and I do not drive.

Needless to say visiting a place like Temple Israel is not an option.

Where can I find virtual or telephone Jewish community?

Can you move?

No -- I am totally dependent on my parents. I am unemployed, I have no life skills. I would like to be a part of Jewish community.

If someone gave you a good job could you live on your own, or do you have physical or psychological dependence?

I guess I would.

I have to call my grandmother very often -- she is very old and lonely.

So it sounds to me as if your real problems are in your head. You put them there and you can remove them.

Did you say there is a conservative synagogue in your area?

>> So it sounds to me as if your real problems are in your head.
>> You put them there and you can remove them.

I would prefer not to discuss my problem with my parents at this time. Secular Jewish intelligentsia can put huge pressure on their offspring to become a professor (or doctor/lawyer). If I have no resources on my own I totally depend on them.

>> Did you say there is a conservative synagogue in your area?

I do not think they can help in any way. As for topic of this board, they consider many sins normal. Both m. as well as denying most of the Torah.

From Reform and Conservative point of view, looking at adult magazines and acting out twice a week is as normal as driving on Sabbath or finishing Yom Kippur 3 hours before sunset with a feast.

How old are you?

37


guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/220700-Where-to-start

You don't need to discuss anything with your parents.

Judaism does not start with the cessation of all sin. It's an evolutionary process. You are never perfect. Right now you have a bad habit. Make a reasonable effort to limit it for now. For example you could sin once a week. In the meantime you have to study. You cannot learn from apostates, so get a teacher on the phone, call Chabad or Partners in Torah. You can also learn on the internet. Start by keeping the Sabbath. You can also keep kosher by cooking your own food. You could pray in a conservative shul, just don't learn from them. If you cannot walk there on Shabbos you could arrange for a friend to pick you up and drive you back.

You can be very religious and also be a math professor.

You are not alone. You are in a situation like the Jews that were in the Russian army. It's a fact that if a person wants to sanctify himself he will find a way. Never give up.

What did your therapy and your meds fix since '96?

>> Right now you have a bad habit. Make a reasonable effort to limit it for now.

I do not have a sexual drive above average -- I could abstain from that in May '92 -- February 4 '94 when my drive was an order of magnitude grater. Thus I can stop now.

None of my sins cause me any problems in this life. The main "risk factor" for my sins is considering them normal.

I decided to avoid m. and other sins which carry a possibility of eternal punishment. In '94 my desire was an order of magnitude greater, but I did not fall until I read a Reform booklet about the "fact" that there is no punishment in the afterlife.

Great. Good for you.

OK, 37.

Would your parents move if you told them you wanted to be near a religious community?

As Ploni says, call Chabad. They have people who visit very remote areas.

Also, please stop being so hard on yourself.

You sound like a man who does a lot of good things.

Maybe you can get a job in something non-Mathematics related?
It will get you out of the house, which should make you feel better.

>> Maybe you can get a job in something non-Mathematics related?
>> It will get you out of the house, which should make you feel better.

I will think about it -- now I am a total loner. I wasted my life on Mathematics.