I want to see pictures!
Please help!
I want to see pictures but know it is not good for
me.

can you do something else?
are you at work?
do you have a sefer?
a friend you can call?
pm me or someone else here your number, and we will call you

it is so good that you are trying

b'hatzlachah

I also want to. That's just the way it is sometimes, I guess.

Ask Hashem to take away the urge for a minute. Just one minute. He can help you.

Hazlacha!

i don't want to see picture. i know it's poison. i can't help it. look anyway!

are you still here?
do you want help?
were you able to control yourself?
ultimately it will be up to you, but sometimes you might need a jump start.
has your wife been helping you since you told her?
what have you been doing to help yourself?

it should be with hatzlachah

I still here!
I have a problem with my mobile.
I still clean!

צדיק גמור wrote:


I think the action it's die, but before a few days I do the action.
I just want to forget it.

cordnoy wrote:

Sometimes I ask help from Hashem to control me, but I fill far from Him a miles.
I have a fall before a few days and I wish to continue.
My wife is now for me like a cop.
She it's not go to bed if I don't go to.
I don't want to ask her help in situations like pictures and action. I fill shame.
I don't want to let her now about my battles.

You ask me what I do.
2 friends addicts and I, join twice in a week. We talk about our experiences in our lifes in the adiction and read the 12 steps in the big book

ok; im glad you were able to control yourself
did you do anything specific to help, besides the chizuk from the people here?
reading the book with a friend helps

what is the reason why you want to stop?
did you tell your wife that reason?
perhaps go to a Rav together with your wife.

the main thing is to commit to change
realize that you yourself are powerless without the help of Hashem, and He will help you...if you want.

it should be b'hatzlachah

Ask yourself a simple question-have you had normal relations with your wife whenever you feel the urge to read or watch porn? Sooner or later, think seriously about sitting down with your wife and discussing the issue.

Trust me, especially for those of who work in Manhattan, and have to go out for lunch and Mincha, you are at risk for objectifying all women who dress in a derech Lo Tznua and increasing your desires. The only way to overcome this Taavah is to turn it into a way of enhancing your relationship with your wife. Take it from someone who views the process as a one day at a time process-Elul is the greatest time for enhancing not just your relationship with HaShem Yisborach by doing as many Mitzvos Bshlemusha but also by rebuilding your relationshoip with your wife .

Look at the process as a one day at a time war with each day a battle. Don't think of weeks, months or years. Every day that you refuse to give in you have transformed your Taavah into a powerful force for enhancing your marriage-both inside and outside oChadrei Chadorim.

I sought help and discussed the issue with my Eshes Chayil. When I realized that I was addicted in the same manner as a drug or alcohol addict, I realized that I had reached a cross roads and had to make the same choice that Yosef HaTzadik made with Eshes Potifar when he saw the image of Yaakov Avinu . Every day is a struggle, especially given how women dress in NYC in the summer, but I try to learn as much as possible on the subway and have learned a lot just realizing that I am not the only person out there with this issue.

Another yesod that always bears repeating as much as possible-the Torah approach to marital physical intimacy neither is hedonistic nor Victorian prudery. One major American Gadol has told me and many other talmidim that the last siman in the second volume of the Mishneh Brurah is reserved for Tzadikim.

SIB101854 wrote:


it would seem from this site that there are other ways to overcome this.

I want to stop because I do not want to live my life with addiction.
is pain, suffering, sadness ...
My wife knows I want to stop, in fact she was mad at me and did not want to know about me.
But, BH patiently now Sheunderstand and try to help.
I did not tell my recent fall.

You know something? I do not feel the Retzon Hashem.
It is assumed that the program is completely life changing and do what he wants.
This is not easy.
My life goes on as it always has been, I see no change in TRUTH.
If something happens to me and I do not like, I get angry, I not feel that Hashem sent to me this.

SIB101854 wrote:

I think that is for any of us.
for all

Apariencia wrote:


Best of luck with that attitude.

It would be nice if we could wish our troubles away, or push a button and Hashem jumps in and saves us, curing us for life, and we live happily ever after.

However, my life (and all 17 years of it) haven't worked that way so far.

I guess it's השגחה פרטית, but here's the latest Daily Dose of Dov from the latest chizuk email (#710):



Wishful Thinking

Someone who kept having repeated falls wrote on the forum:

Another fall... no time to feel sorry for myself.. I just got to try harder.. maybe one day I'll get it.

Dov replies:

Hi. I have read through a good bit of your recent posts and see that you are really struggling valiantly. The themes that keep coming up are that you talk to Hashem, love Him, want so much to depend on him, and expect Him to actually help you stay clean. It is clear that you are bothered by the things that you sometimes choose to do.

The quote above sounds quite sad. I have said the same thing to myself and to others many times in the past as well, and I do believe that you think you are truly sincere. You are honest, admitting whenever you "fall". Of course, it is relatively easy to be honest in a 'virtual' venue like this - hurts the pride a bit, yes, but still rather easy. No one sees you.

You seem to feel that although you may be a failing, perhaps poor eved Hashem, you are at least still definitely an eved Hashem and assume that you will one day get better! I relate completely to those feelings.

Nevertheless, I have no sympathy for you, even though I love you. Chazal teach me not to have sympathy, it's not my idea... Please allow me to explain why I feel this way about you, and why I hope that sharing this with you may actually be helpful:

I am an addict. I am totally unable to stay clean. I use shmutz and lust, as you do, and have "special interests", as you do. Lust can easily take over my attention and my mind because to me it is a drug - it intoxicates me. With it, I can easily escape for a while into a fantasy world and feel powerful and free. I wake up shell-shocked, dirty and weak, of course, but what other tools for coping with the bothers of life do I possess? Not many, by nature, even though I was (and still am) a frum yid who learned Torah, davened, cared about, learned and even taught mussar, etc. A bit of a fake, no?

Nevertheless, I am sober today for over twelve years. You can look up my story on this site somewhere (see here). How is this possible? Am I showing off?

Well, the answer is in many of your posts too: it's all due to a relationship with Hashem that recovery is helping me achieve and maintain day by day, even though I'm very imperfect. And at the same time, recovery helps me get a clear view of me. After all, it's hard to get and maintain a useful relationship with a big liar or with a person you can't really see. I was both. I need other people to help me with these things. I need Hashem to help me with them because the work was impossible.

But I don't get the help just because I want it or ask for it. It requires me to do something. This is "olam ha'asiyah - the world of deeds". Period.

You do not seem to be lacking in emunah. But so far, every time someone posted a suggestion to you - a concrete suggestion - you responded with sweet answers like "Yes, I am putting my hope and trust in Hashem that He will help me with this." Very nice. But is that faith? Is faith about doing nothing but "trying harder", as you mention above? Is that "trusting"? Is trust something you have - or is it something you do?

I think you are describing neither trust, nor hope. I call what you are doing, "wishing". Nothing more than wishing real hard.

Faith - bitachon - is what Hashem wants us to use to gain the courage to do what is necessary to live as Yiddishe mentchen.

Promises and hopes mean nothing to your wife and kids. They want you to be better. I do not mean to insult you at all c"v. I am just sharing with you what was shared with me. And Hashem helped me.

He's powerful. He loves you. And He can do far better for you than help you "hope", if you just start taking the actions necessary to actually stop and get better. My wish for you is progress in the direction you started by joining GYE; to drop the shame, and to take whatever actions needed for you to get better. It all depends on what you want. Do you want to keep looking like you want to get better, or: do you want to actually start getting better?

If you continue wishing and hoping without progressing in taking real action, I would suggest that it just proves that you do not really want to get better.

And I may be the very last person to look down on you for being scared to death of actually quitting and staying quit. Hey - I'm an addict. I haven't forgotten what it's like to be tied to lust. And I also remember mastering the art of acting like I'm moving to recovery while actually running fast in the opposite direction.

And that is why I love you.

Wishing you all the chizuk in the world,

- Dov