Dear startingrecovery,
I am so happy to hear that you feel you can relate to my posts! It is very meaningful for me that we have connected:)
As far as falling or not falling, I've come to think of it as merely a symptom of a deeper disease. The symptoms need to be addressed at first. When you are stuck in the shmutz, the first thing you need is to find a way to come up for air!
But ultimately, we fall because we are unhealthy. Why else would we do something repeatedly which we find so abhorrent? And the whole question of "why not?" only comes up because the Yetzer hara always hits us where we are weak. If you are standing straight up, a little push won't do much, but if you are leaning way over to the side... Consider, for example, that the question of "why not" does not come up with regard to many other things that we have no underlying imbalance that pushes us in that direction. I have never asked my self, "why not eat the dog droppings on the sidewalk." If I did, I would first need to get far away from that sidewalk, and then try to reflect and figure out what is going on inside me that is making me ask such a question!
I wouldn't get too involved in that question anyway. The answer is obvious. Hashem says not to, it is destroying me spiritually, emotionally, physically. I feel terrible afterwards. It closes me off from those I love... Hence, finding a logical answer to that question is not the real problem...
