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TOPIC: need chizuk 3076 Views

Re: need chizuk 10 May 2013 18:59 #207042

  • mr. emunah
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guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/122041-Shemiras-Einayim--Non-non-tznius

Can I hop on the Bandwagon?

I dunno, but sometimes when I'm focused on learning it's a bit easier...

remember that they are sent from hashem to give us schar for looking away.

Re: need chizuk 10 May 2013 21:02 #207054

  • gibbor120
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Oyyvey27 wrote:
Gibbur your right in all you say

Would you mind telling that to my wife

Re: need chizuk 14 May 2013 07:42 #207180

  • yungerman83
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Just wanted to wish all my heilige buddies from GYE a truly uplifting, inspiring shavuous filled with kedushah like never before! I'm so glad to be a part of this community...keep up the good work.

Re: need chizuk 22 May 2013 19:50 #207545

  • yungerman83
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Sadly to say, after Shavuous I was feeling pretty drained and knocked out no matter how much sleep I got. This droopy feeling caused me to be more lax in my shemiras einayim (already on the second day of shavuous it was difficult with so many frum women parading the streets dressed in their finest). Being that I had already restarted my 90 day journey twice already since pesach due to 2 falls, I wasn't about to just give in so easily. Over the past week, some days I was very strong in the street, while some days I was actually hoping to see something in the street. Well, today was one of those days and being that my wife's computer is password secured with a strong filter installed as well, I felt desperate and texted my friend if his house is now empty because I just needed to use his pc for a few minutes. He readily agreed to allow me to use it till his wife comes home in an hour. So here I am right after my fall, after 18 clean days. I know I have to just pop right back up, and I plan on doing that, but I would just like to reiterate if I may, what I once previously wrote. Now that the weather is warm and no one is bundled up in coats anymore, I find it very challenging to deal with the daily exposure of frum orthodox women wearing snugly fit clothing, borderline skirts that only cover their knees when they're standing still and there's not a hint of wind blowing, provocative shaitel styles, etc... you all get the picture. These are my main triggers that cause my downfalls, and I know good and well that it's my own problem due to my lust filled mind. I really enjoyed hearing feedback that I wasn't the only one who felt like this. Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated as always Thanks guys!

Re: need chizuk 22 May 2013 19:55 #207547

  • gibbor120
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We're all in the same boat chabibi.

Get up and KOT!

Or move to Alaska .

Re: need chizuk 22 May 2013 20:53 #207555

  • jewish jew
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I feel the same with the "frum women lusting problem" but Yungerman why did you not sleep a lot on Shavous night? I went to sleep only half an hour later than every other Yom Tov or Shabbos. The reason being because, when I am tired I lose a lot of my control over my thoughts and emotions and I know from previous experiences that it has a major effect on me staying clean and sober. Since that realization, I always try sleeping at least 7+ hours at night and then I take a half an hour nap in the afternoon to release nerves and stress and it helps me a lot on battling through the rest of the day. I know that not everyone can rest during the day or sleep a full night. However, everyone should try getting 7-8 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period it would help them a lot.

Yitzchok
Life is like a bike:
When it's hard you know you're going up.
When it's easy - you're going down.
And when you stop - you fall
Last Edit: 22 May 2013 21:00 by jewish jew.

Re: need chizuk 22 May 2013 22:41 #207561

  • AlexEliezer
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It really hurts not to look at the women on the street.
For me, it's easiest if I don't even get to the first look. If I detect a female form on the horizon, I look away. I'll even cross the street if it's practical. I know that if I allow myself to check out the women, it's only a matter of time before the addict will want a full blown fix.

So the women on the street aren't really a separate problem. They're part of the big picture. It's really impossible to stay sober without addressing this critical challenge. Remember, every time you look away, you are achieving greatness. The reward for it is eternal. Plus you get to stay sober for another day.

Re: need chizuk 22 May 2013 23:10 #207564

  • mr. emunah
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Even displays in store windows can be a part of the battle...

Re: need chizuk 23 May 2013 07:50 #207591

  • yungerman83
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jewish jew wrote:
Yungerman why did you not sleep a lot on Shavous night? I went to sleep only half an hour later than every other Yom Tov or Shabbos. The reason being because, when I am tired I lose a lot of my control over my thoughts and emotions and I know from previous experiences that it has a major effect on me staying clean and sober.

Because of this issue, in recent years I actually only stay up till I feel really tired and then sleep till around 8/9 so I can daven shachris like a mentch and have an enjoyable rest of shavuous without the drained feeling. This year I went to sleep at 2:45am and woke up feeling great at 8. The lazy feeling only hit me later on that evening and the rest was history. Thanks for your tip JJ, maybe I will just go to sleep next year right away.

Re: need chizuk 23 May 2013 12:27 #207597

  • teshuvah13
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Can you guard your eyes? Wear frum glasses with blinkers and thick lenses? - you are likely to walk under a car, or worse, bump right into a woman!
HaShem made the opposite sex attractive - every curve and line. They look at you too you know - HaShem made then that way.
You cannot help your nature.
Guard the eyes of your soul instead.
HaShem can help you - pray to Him when the impulse burns in your loins. He is your Father -would you masturbate in front of your family?
Your wife can help you but can never understand the pressure inside you, that is only for a man. Ask her to pray with you. If you burn in bed, get up. If you burn standing, kneel as David knelt and pray - and btw keep your bladder empty, it helps!

Re: need chizuk 23 May 2013 17:02 #207602

  • mr. emunah
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teshuvah13 wrote:
Can you guard your eyes? Wear frum glasses with blinkers and thick lenses? - you are likely to walk under a car, or worse, bump right into a woman!
HaShem made the opposite sex attractive - every curve and line. They look at you too you know - HaShem made then that way.
You cannot help your nature.
Guard the eyes of your soul instead.
HaShem can help you - pray to Him when the impulse burns in your loins. He is your Father -would you masturbate in front of your family?
Your wife can help you but can never understand the pressure inside you, that is only for a man. Ask her to pray with you. If you burn in bed, get up. If you burn standing, kneel as David knelt and pray - and btw keep your bladder empty, it helps!

You can gaurd your eyes,
not advised while driving, but while walking, slip your glasses (if you have them) into your shirt pocket.
we call this GRT (glasses removal therapy) I will tell you that in all my experience in dabbling in GRT, I have never once walked into a person, male, female, or otherwise, neither have I walked into a dumptruck or a snowmabile, it just becomes this beautiful blend of colours, (sort of like doing shrooms)
Taamu iroo ki toiv!

Re: need chizuk 23 May 2013 17:06 #207603

  • mr. emunah
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p.s. there are many more good shemirat ha'eymayim tricks, possibly the most simple being, planning your route before you go somewhere, try to choose the most Kosher route possible, and also consider the time you are going at. (for example, Coney Island beach in the Middle of January is preferable to the middle of August,
13th ave at 9 pm is better than at 1:30 pm, tuesdays are better than Sundays....
and so on and so on and so on

Hashem geyts great pleasure from seeing use wrack our brains how we can guard our eyes from Reiyot Asurot.

Re: need chizuk 29 May 2013 00:55 #207887

  • some_guy
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Hi yungerman83,

I came up with a really good trick. Think of something interesting right now. I really like science, so I think of a theory or paradox. Make sure you really like the subject. If you need help, think about explaining your subject to a child.

Once you have decided on a topic you are truly interested in, stop thinking about it. Whenever you see women on the street, or anything like that, the Yetzah Hara will always puts ideas and desires into your head. When that happens you need to remember that curious topic you picked earlier. Because you genuinely are interested in this idea, your mind naturally starts pondering it very deeply. This drowns out the Yetzah Hara until the moment has passed. I suggest thinking about your topic for a while to make sure the you have calmed down.

This only works if you really like the topic, so pick a good one. It may not work for you and that's o.k. There are hundreds of tips and tricks on this website. I hope this works and you have many clean days in the future.

--some_guy/Elias/Eliyahu
My Rabbi always gives me the same advice. "Be happy. The world is good. Just be happy."

Re: need chizuk 29 May 2013 01:05 #207890

  • gibbor120
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I have heard similar advice, but a bit different. Start thinking about the topic as soon as you leave home so you don't notice what is going on in the street in the first place.

Re: need chizuk 29 May 2013 02:23 #207898

  • yungerman83
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Thanks for the idea, maybe I will try it out. One tip that I once read online that has sometimes worked for me is, as soon as you feel the trigger hit, take a number of deep breaths inhaling and exhaling very slowly. This supposedly allows your brain to think more clearly to enable you to accurately realize that what just triggered you was a fantasy of falsehood and emptiness. Whereas without the deep breaths, your mind is just clouded with the feeling of the trigger and it's much more difficult to let that feeling pass without acting out to relieve it. There have been times when I did this breathing exercise when feeling triggered and it really worked to help me disconnect from the ill feeling and instead connect to the beautiful life I was gifted. I remember looking up at the trees and clouds and saying to myself, what a beautiful world Has..m has given us...I'm so lucky to be alive.
Unfortunately though, I've been unable to get the 90 day journey that came crashing down last Wednesday back up and running. I feel like I'm in a muddy rut right now and my avodas Has..m in general has taken a stride back...no will to get up in the morning, no will to sit in kollel...no effort to hold back from acting out, etc. If anyone is looking to start their 90 days now, maybe we can do it together as that will be more of an incentive for me right now. Thanks so much buddies for all your input as always.
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