Hi, I can state without a doubt that I am an addict. It was a slow and
slippery slope. I was 14 the first time I surfed the net for porn. It was only once. General Shemiras Einayim and impure thoughts and Z"L has been a struggle from 14 as well.The next time viewing porn was the night of of high school graduation. I started packing and found magazines in one of my suitcases. It was either someone's random idea of ditching the evidence or someone purposely wanted me to be nichshal. At 19 I would watch movies and tv for hours at a time during bein hazmanim. And then came my first phone with Internet at 20. I would surf for porn but not so often. Then I was engaged and still surfed but still not so often but the addiction was definitely getting stronger as I would even surf on other people's computers, people who trust me. No surprise that I got completely out of control when I got the iphone. The Internet in general became an addiction let alone porn. The saddest part of my story is last year when I met a girl through a frum dating site and it didn't take long to not be shomer negiah in didn't end there although I wanted to. We had sex. Kares. The relationship is over B"H. It didn't take long. Ok so there is teshuva for even the worst aveoros. I believe it but I feel so impure. what I'm scared of the most is not being able to one day be happily Holy and happily married. I have considered getting rid of the phone and even gave it away to someone but that didn't last long.

Welcome to the club Shmuel,

You are not alone. Many of here are genuine, serious, honest to-goodness addicts. I've been struggling for 25 years.

Our addictions might present different challenges to each of us but it has wrecked our lives in one way or another. (In my case three separate car accidents caused by lack of sleep due to watching porn into the wee hours of the morning. One of the then sent three people to the hospital . Ouch!)

There are some great people here who can help guide you.

Did you check out the welcome packet guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/101129-Welcome-Package-for-Newcomers

You need to realize that an addiction is an illness that does not go away. Yes, we are chronically sick, so lets drop "holy" from our vocabulary for now and just try to get the proper help needed to stay clean.

How badly do you want to change? Or do you just want the problem to go away.

Once you figure out what you really want you can start working towards your goal

Eli

Hi Eli. Yes I know addiction is an illness. And although I have been telling myself I won't do it again I know just saying it without hard work is a lie. I really want to change. I will check out the welcome packet. Thank you

Welcome dear brother,
Hashem loves you no matter what, so you feel like you hit rock bottom eh? now the only way is up! and for crying out loud if there is any way in the world for you to get rid of the Iphone, do it! you can get yourself a meushar voice only cell, or just drop it altogether.
May the Lord be with you on this holy journey and may you one day be zoche to feel holy! (even though it doesn't matter i still think it's nice to feel holy from time to time)
Have an easy fast

Welcome Shmuel.

Thanks for your frankness and i'm glad that you have joined us.

Keep on sharing your journey with us.

Moish