Hi everybody. I'm new here but thought I'd throw out a question that's been bothering me. Maybe someone can share some perspective. And please forgive me if this has already been dealt with elsewhere.

I recall reading in the Chayei Adam and hearing that h'z'l affects parnasah and causes poverty.
I happen to be experiencing some parnasah issues and can't shake the feeling that it's because I have not succeeded in overcoming this challenge. My money issues began around the time of my first fall in 10 years. To be fair, part of the money issues stemmed from a result of being depressed about falling and not putting in the proper hishtadlus for parnasah. But even for months after clean streaks none of my efforts for parnasah seemed to yield the peiros I'd hoped for, b'derech hateva.

I have been doing better than I've done in the past 6 years with my yetzer harah, but every now and then have a fall in one form or another (viewing and/or acting), but I'm scared/resentful that I have to suffer money issues permanently as a result of this, while other people (who I'm sure are not as careful as I try to be in this area) seem to have no money issues at all.

All of this thinking does nothing to further my relationship with Hashem or make me feel good about stopping. And I can't seem to get the right perspective on the issue. I mean, if there is an onesh of aniyus in olam hazeh, why shouldn't I think that it's a result of my actions, but then again, why
me over other, less concerned people?

I feel I'd be better off not thinking about Hashem in the picture and just forge ahead trying to make a living and that b'derech hateva, it'll happen, as opposed to the way I feel now- weighted down and held back everytime I have a fall, never knowing how ling Hashem will withhold parnasah from me.

Any similar thoughts/advice out there?

Thanks, glad to be here.

Azuvada,

I have had the same thought in the back of my head many times.

If you are truly an addict, then Hashem wouldn't punish me for being ill.

Even if you are not an addict, can you be so sure what Hashem's plans are for you? There are many reasons that people are poor. If being poor was an indication that someone masturbated, then chazal would have decreed to treat every poor person as tamei

Regardless of whether your money troubles are directly related to your masturbation issue, you need to find a way to stop.

So......

Don't let it bother you right now. It's not gonna help as I'm sure you see. The only thing that will come of you worrying is more anxiety which will lead to more troubles.

Just take one day at a time.

Hatzlocho

Eli

Thank you. I don't get the concept that if poverty was an indication of h'z'l that chazal would've considered poor people tamei. Nobody was saying that it's the sole cause, but couldn't it be a cause, amongst other causes?

I do agree that the line of thinking of being on the receiving end of an onesh produces anxiety and isn't productive, but if it's true, it's true. No?

Thanks again for the chizuk. It's lonely inside one's own head sometimes.

The point is that being poor doesn't guarantee that one mastubated. Heck, it's not a rov, or a miut hamatzui. It's a concept and since we are not nevi'im we can't say that this is because of that.

That being said, I agree with you it certainly makes sense for someone to come to your conclusion. If however this relization shleps you down and makes you less likely to do teshuva, then stop thinking about it from that angle. You will have time to be a tzadik later.

D'heinu, even if you re correct what matter does is make?

I'm not kidding. There will be time to be a tzadik later. If you find yourself falling on a regular basis then the derech hateshuva needs to be altered slightly. Azivas hacheit comes first. You can worry about vidui, charatah and kabalah al ha'asid later.

B'simcha

Eli

Dear shlit"a,

I'll try to share my experience with this, instead of telling another what to do.
When i had such questions, i felt that to me, it was counterproductive and just led to more acting out. My dwelling on the spiritual aftershocks in the olamos after i act out just makes me feel worse, and that just reinforces my desire to escape even more into lust.
Instead i tried to-
a)speak to God a bit to rectify the past, aka Teshuva.

b) put more effort into recovery, including taking the courage to try things i haven't tried yet that might work for me

c) i try to keep myself in a state of serenity, or else i will act out, i garantee that.

I am no spokesperson for God, but i think he tells us that if we try to rectify the past by working on the present and future then he will come towards us. God is not an ANGRY God, the way many frum Jews who act out perceive him to be, so by doing the right things he acts FORGIVING.
So for me, to think often how my acting out rains down punishment is not helpful to me except in very specific times and places, like on yom kippur, or a time set aside for teshuva, and even then, only if i approach these concepts the right way. Otherwise, the chayei adam and other dozens of gloomy mareh mekomos which make me nervous, anxious, sad, or what not just prompt more acting out, and that's not what God or the chayei adam had in mind, was it?
Imagine, the chayei adam writing those words, imagining a guy in new york reading it 100 years later and subsequently going onto google images, oogling, and acting out? it seems farfetched to me.
Thanks for letting me share.

This topic has struck a chord with me.

I have known this Chaya Odom for many years, and when struggling with parnosso felt even more guilty, thus compounding the problem.

I came into SA six years ago and one of the things i learned is that i have an illness, rather than a religious problem. This has been very helpful in reducing the guilt.

Since coming into SA i have had extended periods of sobriety. I've had 6 Months a couple of times, 7 months, 9 months and even 11 months once.

During these times my salary didn't go up, i also didn't get any higher paying job oppertunities.

But what i can say is that when i am sober i am a much more functional person, and therefore manage my finances more effectively.

I doubt that this is what the Chaya Odom meant. But you never know.....

I have been having these thoughts too for a while and it is hitting me hard especially now when my parnassa is in dire straights.
But I agree with what Moish U.K. wrote that I see my lusting as a major problem almost a sickness and so I don't think that when the seforim say that it affects your parnassa it means someone in my state, it is not the thing that worries me the most. Only the fact that it makes me mixed up and a bit depressive, which affects my efficiency in all other things in life especially parnassa.

Yitzchok

Thank you everybody for sharing your worries/thoughts/conclusions with me. It has definitely given me chizuk to get outside my on head.

Brochos of hatzlacha and parnossah to all of you!

You are not alone. Have a sweet and peaceful Shabbos

Eli

Amen

Wanted to share this with the oilam, as it's nogea to this discussion we were all having last week.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/202360-Help-Need-some-chizuk-please#202469

Thanks guys!

I am writing this as I just got a statement from the bank saying that my cheque bounced back, which made me think of this again.

I am in a financial problem right now and it is putting pressure on me, which is making me escape to the porn and nudity. It has been on for a while now. I last masturbated on Thursday and today I get the bank statement I am now on the computer and have that mood (which is slowly going away as I am writing this) which feels like, porn, sex, just a bit of relief etc.
I am going to try to fight it this time and for today (just today) NO LEWIDNESS!

Hashem, Please help me even though I keep on hitting you back in your face to stay above the water and float this time, both in my sexual and financial struggles. Please help me out and help me ALL the way back to normality and beyond PLEASE HELP!!

Yitzchok

P.S.The reason why it is posted here on this thread is because, I may be superstitious, but I feel like I am seeing clearly what the Seforim write about that it affect parnassa. The problem is it is a bit like the egg and the chicken, I am under pressure because of parnassa and I masturbate more because of pressure and then the masturbating makes the parnassa issue even harder.

I guess then G-d has a very, very poor understanding of what you need in order to get better...no?

So....since Hashem is G-d (last time I checked), He probably knows what He is doing. I also know Him not to be a meany. So, what's the solution to your conundrum, then?

True, it is just the turbulent times are not helping at all by fogging up any clear thinking process.

Yitzchok