Hi,
I'm so happy I found this website.
A little bit about me: I'm married for over 15 years to a lovely person. We have a few children, B"H. I'm in my forties, and I have a good job, B"H.
I went to Yeshivah my whole life, and I learned in Kollel for a few years after I got married.
I've been struggling for many years, and I'm at the point where I know I can't just "overcome" the urge anymore.
I struggle with online pornography.
What makes my struggle different perhaps than that of many people is the fact that I work in a prominent position, with people coming to me for advice on a regular basis, often for spiritual matters.
I'm ashamed to admit that, even though no one knows who I am.
On Yom Kippur, I cried to Hashem from the bottom of my heart that He help me overcome this destructive behavior. (I even asked Hashem to take away some of my schar in Olam Haba in exchange for the help.)
I hope from the depths of my heart for a yeshua.

dear ploni,
unfortunately or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it, you are not alone.this should offer at least SOME consolation.there are thousands of religious jews on this website - and that's just the ones who admit they have a challenge in this area. how many more are in denial? ten thousand? 20 thiousand? you made the first step - congratulations! now,on to the next step.what is that step? everyone is different.but keep moving.yes, you will fall, unless you're super-human.but don't let it get you down - sheva yipol tzadik vkum. look around this site that our fearless leader has constructed for us and you will move forward, a little bit at a time.stay around, you're one of us - people crying out to Hashem to see our plight, and that He should look down from shamayim and see that we are not purposely rebelling, chas vshalom.i'm sure r guard would rather not have to do this, but he saw the need for it and jumped at the chance to help his fellow yidden - men and women.
jack

I would give you some advice about some cognitive therapy but I think that since you gave away part of your olam ha-ba and cried on Yom Kippur it is impossible that this year will not be a turning point for you. Hashem is going to send you the necessary issurim (shudder) to show you what beliefs you need to change in order to get over this once and for all. A word of advice, which I say with trepidation, is to try to hold on through it all and to bide your time to see what will happen in the end. Good luck.

Sorry Nederman I dont agree, I think that Hashem will hear a sincere tefilla and send Pelonialmoni in the right place, (and by the way ploni, your already in the right place)

Now of course you dont need to give away a piece of your olam haba for hashem to answer you, and Im going to go out on a limb and suggest that maybe you dont have the right image of Hashem (which is pretty normal and even though me myself personally KNOWS what im about to tell you it is still a work in process)

Meaning, when you offer to BUY your salvation from G-d you dont recognize that more than you want to be healed Hashem wants to heal you. You dont recognize either that no matter how big of a tzadik you are we are always answered because of Hashems Chesed.

Keep Posting Ploni and stay in touch

A guten shabbos

Giving away olam haba is a great sign because it means that you are ready to give up the belief that if you like sex you have no worth. And that belief is what makes you a big yetzer hara.

Hey, maybe He took some Olam Habah of maybe not, but if you succeed in getting out of the addiction then you'll surely be pretty well off in the World to Come.

All the best!!!!

Yes, really the problem is to think that you have an olam haba to give away. The addiction comes from the desire to be greater than one really is. But a person who can face who he really is can probably become whoever he wants, within the limits of his gifts.

Nice.

So just for clarity, your saying that since he believed he had olam haba to give away therefore it shows that he doesnt think hes worthless despite the fact that he has an issue. I hear ya, didnt think of it that way before I was focusing more on the deal itself, Its like reuven who offered to kill his children if he didnt bring back binyamin. Yaackov was not interested! G-d created us to give us pleasure and the real pleasure is in the world to come to certainly he doesnt want us to just go trading it away. Whatevs. A chag sameach to all

Let me try an analogy. Someone goes to a new school, and he has an opportunity to skip a year. He wants to do that, because he can tell himself that he is "advanced" but what he needs is to do that extra year. If he doesn't, later he has a problem with certain subjects because he is missing something. And if he hadn't skipped it maybe he would have reached greater heights of learning, but a year later.

If a person believes that he is never going to reach great heights of learning that would be a reason why he might want to skip the year to tell himself which isn't true. But since he thinks that's the best he can aspire to he settles for that.

If the guy skipped the year and later regrets it so much that he is ready to be known as an academic nothing he has done teshuva as far as I can tell.

Similarly, if a guy does not accept that he loves sex because he thinks this puts him in the second class, so to speak, this makes him into an addict. If he later gives up some of his olam haba (accepting mediocrity upon himself) he has done teshuva as far as I am concerned.