I am an awesome guy of my yeshiva looked up to. . ive been a roller coaster ever since ive started but this past year was extraordinary i turned around and grew a ton. i struggle like any other but have a more addictive problem.i have never went two weeks without mast and kinda accepted my fate til i visited this site. so far ive been 12 days clean from porn slash mast. I realixe that i dont need it and its ruining me. it started with a night (twelve nights ago obv.) my second last night home before i went up to the mountains with my family. there is no wifi so i needsa go out to download. i watched for a while the hole day i couldnt stop thinking about it it was owning me. after it was 1130 pm and i called my rebbi to talk about a friend i wanted to help, got all inspirred, and felt really good. the second i hung up i said, wait, go delete all the porn you downloaded so you wont have it. good. went to the computer, and as if i was in a trance, watched again and acted out again. i couldnt believe myself. looks like ill never leave this. ever. i cried myself to sleep. and went to work the next morning. i came home it was my last night home by myself . looked at the ipod/computer had a huge fight but just deleted everything . told it- you dont own me i am awesome i dont need you . huge adreniline went to mincha. and since then ive been clean. frim mast. also. i cant believe it. i wanna go 90 days. so badky/ i just wanna be close to hashem and pure. i need constant chizuk though. always. i believe i can do it. just wanna share this.

well, shkoach for sharing, and welcome , o awesome guy
tell me, did you see the chizzuk mails? i am mamash advertising here to everybody to see them. but they are just so good.

"see" you.

thanks for replying! i was waiting years. what does that mean that youre a junior member? you ever did 90 days? im on my 14th day today

and i get the chizuk emails. theyre amazing i also get chizuk texts from this site called something chizuk .com just type in chizuk. theyre very clutch

i had once over 7 month.

well, but junior member means, i have over 50 posts :D

Welcome!
Mottel

Welcome!
Personally, I'm not a fighter. Tried to fight this for years. Opponent way too slick and powerful. Now I just surrender my lust to Hashem and run away.
Yasher koach for taking this on and posting your struggle.
Hatzlocha
Alex

Whooo!!
Welcome aboard Kedusha Fighter!

Just remember that Hashem Loves You!
He always did and He always will do!!

So just make sure your happy and Keep Smiling! ;D

You are doing absolutely GREAT!!
AMAZING!
IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!

HASHEM IS GETTING SOOO MUCH NACHAS RUACH FROM YOU!!
SO KEEP IT UP!!

But just remember, the Yetzer Hora has many tricks up his sleeve, and they ain't pleasant

So watch out!

Life is full of ups and downs, but remember, it's all part of the Briah.
So just accept them as a gift from our Beloved Father in Heaven, the King of Kings and Master of the entire universe!

They are directly from Hashem, a gift for you personally!

REMEMBER:

• Everything that happens is from Hashem,


• Everything Hashem does is for the best, good or seemingly otherwise, it is for your ultimate benefit!


• Everything Hashem does has a purpose, so don't worry Hashem has it all planned out well!

Always keep those three points in mind.
They are the basis of Emuna - The true, simple and complete Belief in Hashem!

Just don't give up!

The Yetzer Hora does not care about getting us to fall, it's the pushing us down further and further that he wants.

Its the one who gets up after a fall that wins the game!
Just do your best, thats all Hashm wants to see, then He will do the rest.

Surrender your lust to Hashem, give over all your problems to Hashem, we cannot possibly live without Him.
He created us and gave us all of these difficulties, He would not give us a test we couldn't pass.


Its like the story of the King who had the most beautiful princess to marry off, but couldn't decide who to give her to.
So he offered her as the great big prize for anyone in his town could climb to the top of 1000 steps in 1 day (not really sure how it goes, just making it up as I go along lol so feel free to correct me).

So all the people come running and started to climb up, one step at a time (like we do).
After some time one guy says to the other, "common, this is stupid! We ain't ever going to get there, just look at the time, forget it" and they run down, then after another few steps some others decide they have had enough too and turn around and go down.
As the remaining men continue there trek up the steps, (the 12 Steps that is), one man realizes something, "Wait a second!" he cries, "The King said this to trick us, to see who would be so ignorant to think they would get to the top and climb all those steps, he is going to choose the one who waits at the bottom of the steps, everyone else will just be laughed at and made fun of for attempting such a crazy thing!!" and he runs down as fast as he could.

The sun is lowering on the horizon and they only have until nightfall to reach the top. One after the other the last few men realize that he is right and run down at full speed.

Until there are only a two men left, they are climbing and climbing, totally out of breath and ready to collapse, the sun is almost down and they still have 20 Steps to go, one man says to the other "We ain't gonna make it bro" so the other replies "Don't worry, look at how far we have come!, we are almost there, just a few more steps!" But the first man answers "Look at all the people down there laughing at us, they are the ones who will win, not us losers!" The second one replies "Just you wait and see". So they carry on, sweat pouring down them, with 16 steps to go, 15, 14, "I can't do this!" says the first man, "Just 13 Steps to go!" so they go on, 12, 11.

Just as the sun sets, they both step onto the 990th step.

Suddenly, the step opens up in front of them, two doors slide open to a lift, the two men look at each other and with tremendous excitement they walk into the lift.

The lift goes straight up to the 1,000 floor, the doors open and sitting there in the most amazing room, are two identical princesses, the most beautiful women in the world!
One for each of the two men.

What a story,
WHAT A LESSON!!
I'll let you think it out for yourselves

Just notice, all those men that ran down after being so high, they are the ignorant ones, they were so far!!
Like all of us!!
But they lost it all.
So let us continue climbing up and up, ONE STEP AT A TIME, and to look back and observe how far we have come how well we are doing and to look ahead and say only a few more steps now, lets just keep going a few more!

Then, when Hashem sees this, He will open up the big step, when we have reached our maximum potential, and He will pick us up, and take us upwards to meet the princess, one for each of us!

WOW. WOW>WOW. I truly admire REFOEL and look up to you that is so inspiring. My rebbi always says a person always has to be a thinking person. Always thinking abt hashem etc. Clearly REFOEL is such a person. Props.

alexeliezer wrote on 25 Jul 2012 14:53:


Hey Alex I wanted to point that out first!

Welcome Kedusha Figher!

You gotta stop fighting and think to yourself if this is what you want. Letting go of lust means, (to me) realizing that it wont make you feel better and that its an empty bottomless pit (hey Ive heard hell described that way...hm... ironic) you have to learn to not want lust.

Grab a copy of the Handbook its great, should help alot. Tons of tools for shmirat haeinayim as well.

Thanks and yeah by kedushafighter i mean i dont give up i keep my stance against the yetzer hara... its not good to fightfightfight thats true. its not the way to go and not the way to succeed. thanks for pointing that out.

Ya, never give in and "JustKeepGOING!!" ( ;D )

And I also hope you dont mean kedusha fighter, like you fight against kedusha...

Thats just.. like....wrong

So did you get the HandBook??

grrrrr.
i asked this question and i even think i got an answer, but still i'll ask it one more time.
HOW?


@regoel. dear refoel. nice story you told us. thanks. but its kinda strange, no? what, the princesses double themselves?? or i just misunderstood everything?

You ever got into a fight with someone or an argument and you just gave up?

you realized theres no point arguing with this guy and kind of deflated like a baloon?

Thats what letting go of lust is to me. Just take a breath, relax and give up because youll never win. youll never beat this thing and youll never be satisfied and theres no point in starting and getting all worked up and thinking "how will I do it" and making plans. its just foolish, an empty waste of time. then you think about what will I feel if I went ahead with lust, and you re-live all those disgusting feelings from your past falls and you just give up

LET GO

Theres no point in starting this thing. I dont have to get on the roller coaster. Thats enlightening. You tell the Yetzer Hara/addictive thought patterns "Im sorry buddy I just dont have the time/energy/patience to deal with you right now."

You win! I just dont care anymore.

I one time threw up and ended up sitting in my own vomit (yuck... I wasnt going to right that but I wrote it l'chavod hatzibur ) and I was tired and exhausted and irritable and sitting in my own vomit and I was getting ANGRY.

I just gave up, I cant get angry now theres no point to it its not going to change anything, I dont have the strength to get angry,

Thats how I let go of lust

(the vomit story night be more of accepting fate story than letting go of lust I just felt an urge to write that story... something about regurgitated food really gets me thinking deep philosophy... :

hmm, JKG, thanks for the hesber. now its clearer. Much clearer.


would you explain as well, what this roller coaster thingy is? every1 is speaking 'bout it.

btw, you wanna pm me your name ??