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in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer?
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TOPIC: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 1046 Views

in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 06 Jul 2012 06:41 #140991

  • altityaesh
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I just had a major failure after having so much success in shmiras einaiim. During the summer it just gets so hard, I feel like anywhere I go and everywhere I turn there's something. I can't walk from my house to shul w/o seeing something immodest. Does anyone have any good strategies for shmiras einaiim in the Summer time (just until I'm able to move to Meah Shaarim)? I really hate the feeling of being afraid to walk in the streets, but maybe I just need to get used to it.

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 06 Jul 2012 13:30 #140998

Hello and welscome!
The GYE handbook is packed with information of different tools, it also has a section of the different attitudes that help in this nisayon. Look around the forum I've seen some threads dedicated to the topic (ha this whole site is dedicated to that)
Haztlacha!

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 06 Jul 2012 13:52 #141001

Hi,

Maybe try this: Before you go out, daven to Hashem
הַעֲבֵר עֵינַי מֵרְאוֹת שָׁוְא בִּדְרָכֶךָ חַיֵּנִי
and in your own words tell Him how helpless you are without His help, and ask Him to help you avoid immodest sights. But then, before you step out, make a commitment that: a) you will do your utmost to avoid intentional looking at such sights, and b) even when they come into your line of sight you will look away as soon as possible. And once outside, stick to your commitment. These simple techniques work for many, and there's no reason they should not work for you. And if at first you do not succeed, try again. Practice makes perfect.

Hatzlacha

MT

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 06 Jul 2012 15:14 #141005

  • Time4Change
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I may be wrong in saying this but even once you've moved to Me'ah Shearim there may still be triggers for you.

Remember, as sex addicts the issue is within us - so no matter where we are - the issue will follow us.

Feel free to disagree, this is just my perspective. The sooner I learn to realise that the solution isn't 'out there' somewhere, but within me - the sooner I allow space for my Higher Power to take the lust away from me.

I've spent too long blaming and attributing my addiction to external factors. I've spent too long waiting for some Utopian paradise of serenity and cleanliness 'somewhere' in the future.

Today is all that counts for me.

Shabbat Shalom!

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 06 Jul 2012 16:00 #141006

  • AlexEliezer
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Summers are always challenging, and this summer with the heat wave has been especially difficult. Look down, look away, and daven for help. The discomfort of "missing out" only lasts a few seconds, but the reward is eternal.

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 07 Jul 2012 16:37 #141028

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There's a technique I got from one of the handbooks called AAA.

Alert - realise that there is something inappropriate that will be a trigger to your lust.
Avert - look away!
Affirm - pat yourself on the back! Good job, you actually do have the ability to look away if you really want to. This helps me build my self esteem; which is always a plus for addicts.

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 16 Aug 2012 01:10 #143756

  • Ez streak
Every night play the scenario in ur head when girls pass u and explain to yourself why ur not looking. After shacharis do the same and after Mincha if u practice in ur mind when the time comes maybe ull win. Secondly be happy. And feel good about yourself that your trying to fight look for the good inside yourself and say to yourself do I really need this look at everything I have hashem gives me so much all hashem wants is that I should not look at these images so let me just not look at just one girl I failed last time but the next girl I can win I can.give hashem one girl to not look at. Idk I hope that might help. Be holy and happy holy brotha

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 16 Aug 2012 03:28 #143761

  • nederman
If you learn cognitive therapy skills you can change. You can read "Feeling Good" by David Burns. To give you a taste, try the following techniques:

1. Once a day picture yourself back in meah shearim thinking back about the time you were away and you did not sin. It will feel good. Your thoughts create your feelings. The feeling you will experience on that day is made today.

2. Every time you feel powerless to fight your lust think the following to yourself (do not say it):

Telling myself that I am powerless does not make it okay for me to lust.

The feeling does not grow by itself. It is not a time bomb. I cannot become aroused further unless I choose to think of something lude. If I focus on other things later I will turn around and the feeling will be gone. The problem is not the feeling, but the belief that I must give up.

I am not more powerless to think of something lude when I am very aroused. I am at no less fault in that case.

3. When you feel like having lude thoughts start doing something you enjoy. Be prepared to improvise and think out of the box. For example, learning may not necessarily be something you enjoy. You might enjoy a drink, or talking to a friend, or listening to music.

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 16 Aug 2012 05:52 #143767

things that work for me and I will quote some of the other posts as they are just basic Shmiras Ainayim
alexeliezer wrote on 06 Jul 2012 16:00:

Look down, look away, and daven for help. The discomfort of "missing out" only lasts a few seconds, but the reward is eternal.


There's a technique I got from one of the handbooks called AAA.

Alert - realise that there is something inappropriate that will be a trigger to your lust.
Avert - look away!
Affirm - pat yourself on the back! Good job, you actually do have the ability to look away if you really want to. This helps me build my self esteem; which is always a plus for addicts.


and I will add that the first look may be a mistake or somewhat unavoidable but the second is in your control, so I can at least avoid taking a second look at all cost

also you should probably let us know a little bit more about your self it is unclear to me if you are an addict or just looking for shmiras ainayim advise, you will get replies more tailored to your needs if you fill us in a bit

welcome and hatzlacha
SOH

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 16 Aug 2012 12:11 #143783

  • TehillimZugger
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Hey, I'm in Meah Shearim, tourists come here all the time! [And Iwas in the Old City today -just a hop skip and a jump- and there's a lot of Shemiras Einayim issues there]

Oh, and welcome to the GYE community and I second SOH, why don't you share a bit more about the nature of your problems.
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: in need of chizzuk and advice for the summer? 19 Aug 2012 19:06 #143935

  • E-Tek
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I second TZ, being in Meah Shearim isn't a solution in it's own right.
I know, I learned in the Mir for 1.5 years.
(And IY"H I'm going back for more for winter zman.)
Although, granted, it sure beats King George...
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