No matter how long you live, it's never really going to be a 'streak', but just one day really at a time, really. Relax a brit....I mean a bit... ;D

Just a thought I had today.

The gigantic and powerful army of Bavel was surrounding the walls of Yerushalayim for about 3 1/2 years prior to the Churban. During that time, Hashem did not allow the army to penetrate the city, allowing for the Jews the opportunity to do Teshuva. Bavel starved the jews by not allowing any food or water into the city. Jews were dying right and left as the corpses piled up in the city. On the 9th of Tamuz, they broke down the first gates and entered the city. The Jews had 8 days left to do Teshuva before the walls would be broken down, leaving Yerushalayim unguarded and conquerable. Even at this point, when it was so clear that the end was near and Yerushalayim would be destroyed, Hashem was willing to save everything and not destroy the Beis HaMikdash if the Jews would have turned to Teshuva. All Hashem wanted was that the Yidden admit that their pain and suffering was a direct result of their sins and it was time to bring Hashem back into the picture. He wanted them to stop trying to rely on their own strength and bravery and submit themselves to Him. Had they done this, even at the last moments, Hashem might have spared the Jews of that time.
In essence, Hashem wanted them to stop trying to do it on their own and allow Him to come and do it for them. All Hashem was asking for was an invitation to come and fight the battle and He would have done so gladly. It pained Him, so to speak, to see us trying to do it all alone.
Chevra, the message is clear. We need to put up our walls, strong walls....but make sure Hashem is the One standing at the front line fighting for us. Let's not make the same mistake twice.

All the best,
Avraham

Shalom Reb Avraham613.

I just wanted to say to you that you post/story was very inspiring as ican relate to many different things you mentioned. So thank you very much, it is because of you that I decided to join the forum. May Hashem give you continued help and blessing that all go well with the new addition that Hashem has granted you and your wife( the pregnancy) as well as with your other children.

Hatzlacha,
Newbi

That line in the first post when your wife questioned whether she was satisfying enough for you- actually resenates with my situation.
Even not in Nidda I still have taivos to look at pics/read excerpts, etc. but I dont think it has anything to do with my wife- and ive told her this, but I dont think women understand that. They tend to think that when hesbands have wives, that is all they need....

Continued Hatzalacha!

And Reb Avraham, I don't think I have the luxury of worrying what my motivations are for doing the right thing. One day Hashem sends disgust, another day He sends distraction, another day He sends shame... who cares why? He's the One doing the battle!
I can say the same thing about my learning, the chesed I do.. So I do it for the wrong reasons many times. That certainly isn't a reason NOT to do it, is it? Mitoch Shelo Lishma...

Hatzlacha! Call/text me.
Meir

Newbi - welcome bro! It's great to have you join us....feels good to let it out no? I am still new at this also but for the short amount I have been part of this forum, I feel like I've gained (albeit through falls) tremendously. I am thrilled to hear my story helped you get here. If I can be of more help for you, please let me know. Feel free to PM me at any time. The more you post, the more effective it will be.

Struggling Guy- your point is a valid one. However, its US that are messed up not them and we can't forget that. So whatever they may be feeling, they need to be validated and reassured. If we decide to come out and talk to them about these things, we have to understand that it doesn't automatically mean that we become these perfect husbands that have amazing communication skills. Granted, it is a big step for us to take, but an even harder one for them to absorb. Give her time, constant reassurance and show that she is always first on your list. It may take time but if you are sincere about what you are telling her, eventually she will feel it. If not, they can see right through our superficiality. I hope that helps....dont mean to send harsh.

E-Tek - Great ha'ara....I just dont want it to be a reoccurring cycle that I NEED the fall in order to be clean...you know?

Avraham613 wrote on 10 Jul 2012 00:13:

Omein to that! Of course I know- take each advantage as it comes, that's all! It would be a shame to waste it feeling sorry for yourself, just because of what happened to cause it.
Been there, done that. Hope not to today.
Have a pleasant, clean, and peaceful day!

I tried getting into the chatrooms but it did not seem to have worked.
Any aytzas?

Regarding chat rooms, I think you need to call the hotline identify your name and password as well as what you want to join.... I tried calling the hotline but it seemed as though someone live picked up phone I panicked and hung up.
although I'm not sure.
Hope it works out well for You.

Hey Guys -
B"h I have been going strong for a while. The last few days I have been battling like crazy. I know my trigger, it is a certain way to chat that doesn't come up on WebChaver and is not really reported.
Anyways, I met a girl who wants nothing more than to have a "virtual" relationship with me. I am not gunna be able to hold back much longer.
Some chizuk/advice would be great ASAP.
Thanks,
Avraham

Dear Avi,

Listen carefully (yes, say it out loud and listen carefully) to the words of the wise King Solomon (Mishlei 7).

He is speaking directly to you:

וְעַתָּה בָנִים שִׁמְעוּ-לִי וְהַקְשִׁיבוּ לְאִמְרֵי-פִי
אַל-יֵשְׂטְ אֶל-דְּרָכֶיהָ לִבֶּךָ אַל- תֵּתַע בִּנְתִיבוֹתֶיהָ
כִּי-רַבִּים חֲלָלִים הִפִּילָה וַעֲצֻמִים כָּל-הֲרוּגֶיהָ
דַּרְכֵי שְׁאוֹל בֵּיתָהּ יוֹרְדוֹת אֶל-חַדְרֵי-מָוֶת

Look before you leap! Is it worth it?

Hatzlacha

MT

How do you know it's a girl.
Maybe it's a fat smelly hairy man with a beat-up old computer and a dial-up connection in a stinky wet basement who gets off chatting with young men?

When did religious pestering ever stop us?
I mean, has it worked for you, MT? I know it hasn't worked for me.
Avi, I mean this sincerely:
If you expect us to run after you and hold you hands behind your back as you're struggling to unzip your pants and masturbate to a virtual sex session with a 400lb man pretending to be a 110lb girl, this ain't gonna happen.
I particularly am not very well suited to prevent people from doing aveirois. And when I do, I must prioritize. So I may help someone to put on tfilin, or encourage a woman to light Shabbos candles or go to mikva. But stop you from masturbating? Not that important as far as I'm concerned, since, unlike tfilin or shabbos licht, stopping just once has no meaningful impact on your connection to Hashem.
But that's still putting this issue into religious context.
I say, if you're seriously toying with the idea of massage parlor or sex chat, go for it. If you're like me (as Dov likes to say), then you will find a justification to do it within the religious context. I know I always had. "Masturbating is OK if your wife is a nidda; if you already have children; if she is out of town; if you worry you may go to a prostitute".
"Going to a prostitute is OK because it says so in Gemoro Kidushin; because of Maase Tomor; because I really need it; because a man is allowed to have concubines mideOiraso".
And no one else's experience will teach any of us untill we're willing to learn from other people's mistakes.
But Avi, you keep coming up with creative ways to feed your sexual fantasies. So I say, go for it. Maybe you need to be arrested in a police bust of a massage parlor. Maybe you need to get an STD from a prostitute. Maybe your virtual relationship needs to escalate into a personal meeting where you will get seriously hurt by a predator. I'm not wishing this for you, I'm just thinking out loud of what needs to happen for you to heed our warnings.
Or maybe twenty years down the road you will be sitting glued to the computer screen, masturbating yourself to porn time and time again, wishing you had stopped two decades earlier.
I don't know what it will take. But please don't expect me to put on my rescue vest and try to convince you of the destructivness of these life-choices. I can't make up your mind, neither can Shloimo Hamelech, Satmar Rov, Rav Shach, or Machshovo Tova. Only you and you alone can realize that pursuing your sexual fantasies down the rabbit hole will eventually destroy your life.
The only way out is to make up your mind that it's not about "holding back much longer". No Scripture quote will satisfactory hold you back. Nothing I can say (or said until now) will hold you back. No chizuk/advice will hold you back.

So please, don't find yourself a girl to have a virtual relationship with and then do a token call for help so that you can blame me later: "Well I asked for help, and you guys were too slow to respond, so what was I supposed to do? I said I need help ASAP...so you failed to protect me from myself..."
Forgive me, but I don't give a d4mn. I don't care what you do. This is not a support group for people who feel bad after a really good sexual escapade. I can only offer you my expereince in hopes it will prevent you from pursuing sexual fantasy and its execution. But once you're in the "heat"?! Once you've already invested time and energy to find a girl to fool around with?! I've never been successful in taking a bottle away from a drunken buddy. Only before we start drinking do we stand a chance of not getting drunk t o d a y. But once the shotglass is filled, no amount of persuasion or psukim or maamorei Chazal will have any impact, 'cause my mind is made up by then.
Call me if you want to discuss it in person. I promise I am not angry, or even irritated. I feel bad for you, my brother, but I am not gonna be enabling your acting out by giving you advice (or a verse) that you can later say didn't work.
So, what safeguards are YOU willing to put in place to protect yourself? That is the question. Posting here or calling someone before you get triggered would be of help, perhaps. Giving up your sense of entitlement to sexual play can have an effect on you.
But so long as acting out sexually is still a possibility in your mind, I'm not gonna be dragged into a debate of whether it's a good idea or not. I know it's death for me.
Only you can tell what it is for you.
Mottel

obormottel wrote on 18 Jul 2012 16:48:


Sorry if my (our?) religion is pestering to you. I find it very soothing, uplifting and helpful. B"H it works for me. I'm sorry it hasn't worked for you. Maybe like they say in SA, "It doesn't work if you don't work it." Or maybe, as some suggest, different types (or levels) of disease respond to different approaches. (I personally think that it depends on a person's background and shoresh neshamah.)

We each are in danger of drowning. We each need to do whatever works best for us. When we try to help others, we tend to suggest ideas that we found helpful. Each reader needs to decide whether the idea presented is applicable to him or not.

May Hashem lead us in the path that is good for us.

Bechavod,

MT

Mottel, that was absolutely precious. :-*
Yasher koach for spending so much of your time to help a fellow yid see the truth.
Avraham?