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I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy)
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TOPIC: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 5392 Views

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 29 Jun 2012 01:20 #140553

  • titanlooks
even if they dont kill me for mas********** my whole family will prob die of hunger anyway... my dad will be jobless soon and money is tight. sometimes i wonder if me mastur****** is the cause of our poverty and if its my fault. WHY SHOULD I LIVE IF I ONLY BRING SUFFERING TO OTHER PEOPLE

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 29 Jun 2012 01:53 #140557

  • obormottel
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That is a terrible thing to say, and its not true, either.
No one goes hungry or will go hungry because you are touching yourself. You are a boy, and Hashem is loving and understanding, not angry and cruel. The less you worry about it the less you will want to do it.
If you want to put some work into getting better, here is homework:
Write down ten things you're grateful for today.
Like, "my Thomas the Train set", or "my mother" or "the really cool Rav Kook's picture".
Keep this list in your tfilin bag and go over it before shacharis. And then when you daven have those particular things in mind when you praise Hashem.
You will see that the more grateful you are, the more reasons Hashem will give you to be grateful.
Stay cool, I mean it this time.
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 29 Jun 2012 10:53 #140572

  • Dov
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And why will your dad probably be jobless soon? That's very upsetting. Is he well?
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 29 Jun 2012 17:27 #140604

  • titanlooks
my dad will be jobless soon because acouple yearsback he got into a roller coaster accident and hurt his back, his job requires lots of strainon the back so he needs a new profession, and surgery barely helped

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 29 Jun 2012 18:28 #140606

  • AlexEliezer
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Please don't get caught up in guilt. It just feeds the need to escape through you-know-what.

Here's a secret maybe you don't know yet: Hashem is on your side in this very struggle. He can help you. You don't have to do this alone. Make davening to Hashem (in English) about this struggle part of every Shmona Esrei (in Shma Koleinu or at the end). Also, call out to him AS SOON as you feel yourself being pulled in the wrong direction. Tell Him you don't want to lust and ask Him to take this desire from you. Don't think about it. Just do it.

Keep busy with good things. Stay FAR from d'varim asurim, including looking at women in any form.

You're going to struggle either way, but this way you'll be outside the pit, struggling to keep yourself from falling in, rather than inside the pit, struggling to get out. It actually takes less energy to stay out then to keep trying to get out. Does that make any sense?

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 30 Jun 2012 19:21 #140614

  • the.guard
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titanlooks wrote on 27 Jun 2012 21:54:

nothing is helping, i cant find the inner will.. ive been in denial but i realize that when i look at p*** it leads me to masturbating.. but im trying to stop it. my access is the computer but i cant get rid of it. if i download the filter my parents will get suspicious.. and if they find out im dead. even without p*** i cant last more than 3 days. i hate it so much, i barely enjoy it now i have no clue what is making me keep doing it, but ill never give in, so far ive lasted a day gonna try to force my self to last another... 1hour at a time is my plan a whole day is to much for me


Your parents will understand if you tell them that you once saw some things on the computer that you shouldn't have seen, and now you feel a nisayon and you think it's important they should put on a filter.

See also this page: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ2.asp />
Be brave and show your parents this page:
Why I need a Filter

They will be proud of you for telling them what bothers you, and about your tests. Everyone understands what a big test this is today, and your parents will want to help you in any way they can.

See this page also, for chizuk on stopping shichvas zera: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ1.asp
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 01 Jul 2012 22:56 #140646

  • Dov
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And please consider that you are not G-d and do not actually know whay you and your father are put to this suferring. Hashem knows, not you.

You are just pitying yourself and that is not Hashem's Will, for sure. If there is such a thing as Oinesh like you describe - it certainly is not meant for pitying ourselves - but for helping us actually stop. You may be trying very hard - but you are not using it successfully for those things, please see this. The pity party is not the 'mishteh' Shlomo meant when he wrote "vTov leiv, mishteh tomid". You are a good person and this nisayon is part of your life - it is not the end of you. Grow up, stand up, and take guards advice above seriously - or continue to wallow in your poor self-pity. It will be up to you and nobody can ever make that decision for you.

Instead of blaming yourself for the problems (really that is pretending you have much more power than you really have and just immature), try praying to Hashem for your father a few times a day. You and a lot of other good people have real tzoros and need real tefillos - like yours. Make some friends here, daven for other people here on GYE to have it easier. And you and me included, chaver.

Stop acting like a loser. You are a winner.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 02 Jul 2012 00:18 #140648

  • titanlooks
how did you overcome this nisayon, or whatever that means

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 02 Jul 2012 16:47 #140699

  • Dov
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Mainly the exact same secret ingredient that helps hundreds of thousands of addicts since AA began 75 years ago: a touch of humility.

Our resentment, self-centered fears, righteous indignation, anger against G-d or man (or woman!), and our inability to really let go and really start fresh and really just accept that fact that all we have and ever will have is today - are all from our gayvoh. Pure pride. We hold onto what we have, even though it doesn't work. Too hard to admit we are wrong and let it go.

Hiding behind fake names (usernames), not telling our parents and getting real help, not being honest about the details of our real problem with those we do open up to, and looking to 'kedusha' rather than being healthy and just OK...all gayvoh, all poison.

In my case the only way to get a whiff of real humility was through my real humiliation. Lots of it. As R" Nachman said, ader a nisayon, ader a bizayon".

Maybe you can get some without as much humiliation. But pride of 'being omeid benisayon' is poison, for sure, so I advise against taking any of that, chaver.

Hatzlocha!
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 03 Jul 2012 21:50 #140844

  • titanlooks
just started the 90 day chart, so im tackling it one day at a time.. right now it is so hard not to look at p*** im not even kidding its like if i dont have it ill die , getting stimulated randomly to, i was at the mall with my friends was like pure hell everywherei turned there was something to look at no joke, tonight i fear the worst so one of my friends is putting a password on it that only he will know and he wont give me the pass till morning...

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 03 Jul 2012 22:46 #140848

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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it's withdrawal, just like from drugs. They do the same thing to your brain, you got used to the chemical release in your head that made you feel so good, and now your body is craving it. It may take a couple of weeks but your body will get used to not having it and it will get easier. I've been there too and it wasn't fun. But it's worth it so hang in there. Keep yourself busy with your friends or other 'Kosher" things, and make sure you get enough sleep.

Hatzlacha and KOMT!!!

Gevura!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 05 Jul 2012 18:00 #140940

  • inspiredandhopeful
Hello 14 year old

I'm 36 year old and have been struggling with this from even before I was 14. Let me tell you some tips from my experience.
1. You must have someone to talk to it could be your magid shiur, mashgiach or rov. Be open with him there is nothing to be ashamed of
2. Don’t focus on what you’ve done or the punishments it’s all from the yetzer horoh just focus on the future and the solution
3. Get the internet out of your house insist that your parents remove this tumah from the home. Don’t be ashamed to tell them that you are human and have human desires and the internet is hazardous toxic poison and could kill you on this world and the next.

I wish you success

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 05 Jul 2012 18:56 #140944

  • JustKeepGoing
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Hi titanlooks, I hope its not too late for a welcome! I want to tell you that you have to relax, calm down go for a walk, it seems like you keep saying your going to die which is a VERY BIG EXAGERATION, like HUGE bc you won't, so cut it out. That includes saying things like "I can't handle it" bc you ARE handling it.
You wrote what's the point of living when all you do is cause suffering to other people. First of all again with the overgeneralization its not true your parents look at you as their greatest joy in life EVEN if you don't feel like that. Also feelings of "what's the point?" And hopelessness have been scientifically traced back to chemical inbalances in the brain bc of over-masterbation. They are thoughts to be ignored.
Listen, you're great I can't believe a 14 year old guy managed to get here it took me much longer than that and I'm still going through these struggles, if I could go back to the first time I m--- when I was about 14 and have a conversation with myself I would grab me by the shoulders and shake myself and say (loudly) "this will ruin you!!!!!!!" And maybe punch myself in the face to make sure I was knocked out and couldn't do it (I gotta work that issue out lol maybe I'm a bit harsh on myself) its too late to not start and to wish for something that won't happen is foolish, you've already experienced the bitter waters so its time to hold on for dear life and don't give in! I'm rooting for you as is everyone else I'm sure. You can do it! No one gets a test they can't pass
Be strong
Also another thing- don't predict the future you have no idea what's going to be with your families parnassa,I feel for you, just know that your not going to go hungry c'v everything will be ok
Ooh yay I get to make a clever reference to my username.
TitanLooks don't forget to Just Keep Going!

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 05 Jul 2012 21:02 #140958

  • titanlooks
lolthen how do you defeat hormones, and the 90 day chart is not working

Re: I need help badly(14 yr old orthodox guy) 05 Jul 2012 22:16 #140969

  • JustKeepGoing
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You don't have to defeat hormones, hormones is a normal thing its not something you have to battle, "roll with the punches" and I wasn't refering to hormones when I said a chemical imbalance that imbalance is caused by m***** and when you stop for long enough the body will repair itself, you just have to give it a chance by excercising and eating healthy drink lots of water and stay clean!
What do you mean that the chart isn't working? Did you fall?
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