Mottel -
When/how were you able to just start being so blunt about everything? Even though I wrote out my entire story there are still certain details and taivos that are very difficult to just divulge completely openly.
Suggestions?

Read about Captain Kirk....just an idea.... ;D

I was sitting today by breakfast and a certain appealing woman passed by.. I remembered a sentence from a certain song i knew.
it basicaly went like this (if you translate it): we are sitting in the club, drinking beer and gazing at girls...
The guy who was rapping didnt achieve what he intended to achieve...adraba, these words gave me enough strenght not to look at the woman who passed me by...

interesting how some people get chizzuk from strange things...

'May' be different? May? You mean that telling another the complete and shameless truth is a luxury? Hmmm. How ling does a sweet child of Hashem deserve to live carrying that weight, i wonder. Well, if you are doing OK so far carrying it on your own and only willing to give up the shameless portions of it, then I relate 100%, remember, and pity you. It is choosing what our Sweet Tatty - and no tatty - would ant for His child. An honorable hell on earth.

Rav Amram said it better: "Better I live as a fool in the eyes of people for this entire lifetime - than be a fool in the eyes of Hashem for even one second."

Mr Pond is right - more than he says: with the right people, it's different. Very different. Get the help you need, chabibi. Pay for it, and not with money...but by 'selling' your shame and finally getting to work. G-d loves the Truth more than anything else - even the truth about your porn preferences, masturbation habits, and fantasies, and all you hide and do...he loves that truth, too. For He knows it all better than you do. The recovering man or woman is closer to Hashem than he or she realizes....

Ashreinu that we can let it go by opening up to safe people about it - and do not need to die acting our brains out forever. There really is freedom from bondage to self. And it does not come to those for whom prestige, comfort-zones, and emotional 'safety' are the currency of life!

Too bad there are those who 'trust their hearts' and say, "well, 'I am just not ready/not comfortable' to do this, or that - or it's not 'for me'" - they are trusting the same mind, heart, and hand that masturbates them! Well, apparently they are comfrotable and ready to porn out and masturbate themsekves when the going gets too tough....hmmm.

I am not looking down nor criticizing anyone! For I am a powerless sexaholic myself! Sober today, but fully aware of the problem and impossibility of success - yet I am sober nonetheless! And life is good, indeed. And I know many like me, too.

Ashreinu, mah tov chelkeinu! We can get free!!

*edited*

Avraham613 wrote on 26 Jun 2012 02:24:

A lot of it is gaivo: I am the bluntest guy on GYE.
Some of it is Capt Kirk, thank you Dov.
And then, can you imagine what secrets I do keep, if this is the stuff I divulge?
On a bit more serious note, I found that honesty and openness is my only way out of the stench I lied myself into over the years. And when I am in the company of real, safe people (not here, but in the meeting) I really bar no holds, and I feel redeemed after spilling my guts to those understanding and simpathetic guys (and occasional gals).
Yesterday, someone shared his first step inventory at the meeting, and his story was so sad, and it reminded me so much of my story...and even though there were triggering details in both his rendition and in my memories, those details themselves reminded me of what I am trying to escape from, and where I would be if not for GYE and SA.
Mottel

BSD

let's decide that different things work for differnet peopel, and for differnet stages/ depths into the addiction... ok?

Kevin, dude, not everything is about you. Chill.

*edited*

*edited*

Benzi wrote on 28 Jun 2012 21:36:
Great.

But wouldn't a more direct and natural to have a few guys like you - habitual porn users and masturbaters but who are clean for a few months or years - to talk with while you are struggling with an actual desire. That way you can see if you really want to give it up at all - or if you only want to quit after you get your fill.

It works. And your Rosh yeshivah, well-meaning as he may be (and holy), may not have the slightest idea what to do for you.

*edited*

Hatzlocha telling it to somebody!

*edited*

Whatever worry, whatever will happen, whatever concern...just do whatever you have to do to stay sober today and the growth will be forced to happen iy"H. You will eventually be able to open up easier - cuz you will need to....will learn how to finally have an honest relationship with Hashem - cuz you will need to in order to stay sober....you will learn how to be more patient, tolerant, and fearless - cuz you will need to in order to stay sober. Etc, etc.

Of course share it - only with safe people, chaver. And protect your anonymity in your yeshivah!