Hello everyone

It is past 2 in the morning (unfortunitly not too unusual of a time for me to be up at my computer alone at night) I had enough many times and made many half serious attempts to battle my addiction to the internet and the various negative behaviors associated with this addiction, but as I am sure you are all know I have failed time and time again each time the situation getting worse and worse. I should keep this short as I do need to get to bed. However I have been meening to set up an account with GYE for some time and have been procrastinating with that, and i have decided that [i]im lo achshav amosi[i]

a little about myself

I am married with some children
I have been addicted to porn for over 10 years
I have been reading many things on various forums on this site but kept pushing off joining
I need to go through the drill of installing a filter and signing up for the 90 days (which i tried on my own with no success many times)
and look forward to getting to know you and to grow in my avodas hashem

good night from a very tired soldier
S.O.H(elpless).

Welcome brother! I relate to your story very much. I am too married with kids, over ten years of porn addiction have become progressively worse. The tools on this site are wonderfully helpful.
Hatzlocho!
Mottel

Welcome Soldier!
No fooling around!
Forward March [er... truck]!
Only forward, don't look back!

Welcome.

Mazel tov on the occasion of your first post.

It is a big step in the right direction.

The key is to put in a serious amount of time each day toward working on recovery.

There is no lack of tools here for combating the yetzer.

Put in the time, friend.

Welcome SoH!

I'm also married with children, but my children are also married with children B"H.
I also have been addicted for over 10 years, but I have also been addicted for many times ten years (40+).

I can tell you that ever since I joined this community here at GYE, it's as if I was born again - and living in Gan Eden with the holy angels. Heaven on earth! But there's (at least) one condition to being successful - "It only works if you work it". You need 'total' commitment to make every day count as if it's the only day you got (and it is). No turning back - ever! You need to avoid all forms of lust, with proper gedarim not to get too close to the edge of the cliff, and most of all you need to daven to Hashem every single day and to believe that only He can help you out of the darkness and into the everlasting blissful way of life.

Go for it! Chazak ve'ematz!

MT

thank you all for the supporting welcome
I am having a hard time with posting as I feel a bit overwelmed with what to say, and I have been thinking over the last few days since I wrote my first post about why that is, and I have come to the realization (not a new realization) that it is because I am scared. of what I am not entierly sure of yet. I do know that I first started visiting this site about 3 months ago as i was reading a journal I keep and I wrote about how I was excited about joining in, but was hesitant to make the plunge.
I have known That I was a sex/lust addict for years and looking back at any effort I had made to stop was minimal if existant at all (telling myself thats enough).
I have been reading a lot of comments people say and reading many of the stories, and I am having mixed reactions of, thank god I have not gone as far (but maybe not just in the same direction) as others, but on the other hand who is to say that I would not be doing the same or more if I do not make real efforts to attack this uncontrolable behavior, and my mind set.
I also am trying to make my self realize (after reading many comments) that there is a lot I have to learn about myself. and that I need to get rid of the mind set that I know what is going on and that I know I have to fight it and I will be able to out smart myself. B'h I belive hashem has made me a fairly inteligent individual, however as an inteligent individual I should know that even geniouses have problems and bad habits, and It dosent take knowing or wits to change habits, on the conterary wits probly make it harder to change bad behavior, (the yetzer horah is a prity witsy guy himself). what it really takes is hard work and that is probably what I am afraid of.
but after a long night of sin, which I have noticed I dont even bother puting up a fight to the yetzer sometimes, I took advantage of my frustration with myself to take action. so I set up an account and said hello.
well I have to get back to work. I hape to come back and share more of my feelings and get more information soon. Although one of the things I have been doing is trying to stay of the computer if I dont absolutly need it as the NUMBER 1 anticeident to me being nichshal is getting on the computer so I do try to stay away but the chizuk here is very helpfull. thank you (I have to start remembering some names to give direct thanks but mewhile thank you all)

S.O.H(elpless). but hopefull

Keep up the posting.

We want to know about your struggles and your gameplan.

We have all types here, with all sorts of opinions.

But we're all here to help.

keep on trucking.

Shalom Alejchem, reb Soldier!




Same here. That's the only reason why I got a laptop and brought it to the yeshiva It started with the PC and will end with it as well.

There is an inyan in rectifying the sin with the thing you came to it, no?

SOH, Welcome to the forum.

Keep on posting!

--Elyah

Benzi wrote on 15 May 2012 20:24:


aleichem shalom and welcome to you as well as I seen you are new here too

That is something I try to have in mind when I do use technology although it dosen't usualy stop me for too long
I would like to say even more than you are saying, that it is part of our main tafkid in life, being mekadesh the mondane things in life, inorder to put pourpuse and kedusha into mondane thinks, and how much more so to raise those things that have coused so much evil, to uplift them.
Thank you for reminding me what computers are for
now I will go to sleep before I get destracted

Hi SOH,

I would highly recommend reading the AA book. It is a very interesting read and should help you to get a perspective on things...

All the best,

KH

hi KH and thank you for the recomendation I have fliped through the AAbook before, I actually had it as I won it at a raffel at an AA meeting (im not an alcoholic, but I most sertintly am a lustaholic) I went for school porpuses as I was taking a psychology calss wich had a focuss on addictions, and I remember relating to the AA members and wondering if there was a group for porn addicts, I did discover about SA meetings than but never went to one (I probably shoud have) and I was very happy to find this site and am very glad to have joined in on the action of the amazing people that are working hard not just to fight adiction but to become better people.... but enough of that.......Oh and the thing about the AAbook is that it is huge, and I read slowly, right now I am working my way throug the GYE handbook

I know that I am sopposed to be setting some preliminary goals and a plan, so here is my start at being proactive

I signed up for the chihzuk emails
I will finnish reading throug the hand book
I will install a filter (I know i should have done that already)
I will bigin my climb up the 90 day trail (3 days so far, YAY!!), but maybe someone can tell me where I can get one of those trucks because today I was going offroading and the trail was tough on my old hoopdy, I think I need a jacked up jeep
I will be foccusing on positive things in my life, I have noticed that all the journal attempts I have had in the past have been venting to my self about whan I was having a difficult time and never about the wonderfull things I do, no wonder it made me such a downer
And of course I will guard my eyes (i will definetly need help with that one) I got up to Tool 4 in the book (i think that was the #) and I was trying the 3 second rule, I do really like the idea of that concept it really has a multilevle affect, but man, the more I stay off the shmutz on the internet the more I seem to notice it on the street, and when I said before that today was rough, I think the Yetzer Horah took some of his prittiest girls and put them were ever I went today. I think I did prity well today though I didnt do any double takes (ok mabey one) but all that effort not to look was giving me a headace.....

well I think that should be a good start... and if I can Stick to at least one of those goals it will be a good start.. hope to keep everyone posted with good news and I know I should probly set a time that I need to get that filter on mabey on monday or tonight If I finnish cleaning for shabbos early

SOH

Hi, SoH! I thought i'm an addict, for porning a full week once every few weeks. I see ur dealing with much tougher addictions, and u took the courage to speak out and start fighting! I'm proud to b part of Am Yisroel! and...KOT!!

The SA white Book is also great. Especially Step Zero. Woe to those who read and study and "work" on steps 2-12 without really knowing and working steps zero and one. Love the AA book, though, member stories are awesome (especially "Acceptance was the Answer").

Continued Hatzlucha!!

Step 0? I don't recall that... what is that like self-nullification? Gotta grab that white book again.