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Dear friend,

Welcome and good luck. I am not a moderator on this forum - I'm a newbie like you. I just find it strange that I've been benefitting from this GYE forum for over 6 months and have not noticed such issues that you mention. In fact, I did a 'search' on the entire forum for the 'G' word that you have issues with, both in singular and plural, and it showed zero occurrences, except for your current post.

But you did set me thinking about what the Torah philosophy would be on this issue. While I am not expert in this subject matter, but I was reminded of a speech I heard over 20 years ago, which helped me sort things out. My notes are not that clear, but might shed some light nevertheless. So here goes:

Rabbi Majeski - Mechon Chana (Chabad)

בס"ד - תענית אסתר תש"ן

Jewish Pride vs. Inferiority Complex

מפני מה נתחייבו כלי' מפני שנהנו מסעודתו של אחשורוש.

Why such a grave punishment?

Assimilation comes from inferiority complex, which comes from lack of Jewish pride.
There is no middle, because we are in fact different. So either we feel inferior about it; or if we know our mission and understand אתה בחרתנו , we are proud. This is not arrogance. Just as an astronaut wears strange gear and walks akwardly -- and does not feel inferior, but proud -- not arrogant i.e. does not look down at one who is not an astronaut. However, he is proud and happy to be chosen for such an important mission.

So, מפני שנהנו means they had an inferiority complex about their Judaism, which made them thrilled of the recognition they received from אחשורוש who included them in his feast.
(Here ends Rabbi Mjeski's words)

Shabbat Shalom and may we all be holy and happy forever,

MT

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it could be only one, or very few people that use that term.in general, this site will accept a non-jew who is sincere, and r' guard has done that.that said, you know that the torah way of life is not like anybody else's.and everybody else, including some non-frum jews, really couldn't care less and are not interested at all in the torah way of life.you can't even talk to them - they are not interested in learning.so, while i can understand your sensitivity to this term, you do have to understand what i said above. by the way, you sound like a very sensitive person.
jack

eat the fruit and throw away the peel.

Hi again and thanks for liking my postings. It gives me the chizzuk I so sorely need.

Anyhow, I hope you'll settle down and feel comfortable. As you can see for yourself, there is so much good stuff around here - and it's not 'one size fits all' - so you need to find what works for you and just work it, and be'ezrat Hashem, you will see success. GYE has a great track record B"H. May I suggest that you read the GYE handbook - it's really a lifesaver, regardless or one's level with this struggle. I can honestly say it changed my life tremendously and gave me much needed direction in my journey towards recovery.

Please tell us more about yourself, your issues, etc. You will surely find others here that can relate to your situation, and can share what worked for them.

(P.S. I'm sure you realize that since Shabbos is soon approaching - and for some it already arrived - so the responses may not come until after Shabbos.)

Gut Shabbos & hatzlacha rabbah,

MT

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Hello there Emuniyahu!!

First of all I'de like to correct you right off the bat, your title is called new "guest" Thats a "g" word you dont have to use anymore because you're no longer a guest!
With that said-
WELCOME TO GYE!!!

I hope you find the help here that you need to break free of your challenging test, you should know your not alone.
The shame you mentioned is something that many of us have gone through, including myself and I know how hard it is to deal with. In time, you'll see the shame melt away, don't worry about it, pick yourself up and focus on one day at a time. Personally I've found it helpful to keep track of my days clean, which you can start by shooting for 90 days.

I'de like to direct you to the handbook, I've just finished reading it myself, its tremendously helpful

And heres a "Welcome Package" for you just in time for Shabbos

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama . Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions.

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Goyim just means "nations". It is not derogatory.

And by the way, the Torah starts off talking about the issurim of arayos with the words "kimaasei eretz mitzrayim - and - eretz kinaan, lo saaseh".

We don't have to be more politically right than the Torah.

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Sorry - and I am not stalking you, Emuniyahu. But as I posted elsewhere - and this is a demonstration of the same issue:

You are getting all embroiled in chitzoiyus, manners issues, Torah philosophy....enough, chaver. You are here, b'pischo shel recovery and help. Please consider dropping the "issues". They are not you. You are far more important and relevant than all this 'stuffing'.

Start just sharing your own real struggles in detail. We are friends here, and the love will not be shown in philosophical debating, no matter how cordial we all are. The people in the posts above are being squandered. They are loving, caring, and experienced - in life struggles like your very own! Most of us have cried the same cry as you have after we lost and 'fell'. The sad, sad wail at the moment that we went 'just a bit too far' and the zera levatola happened; we all know the bewildering moment when we realize (again!) that we are 'sold' because "gevalt, there is no way I am not going to find that porn image I am looking for, now!"; we all know the confusion about "how could it feel so good and I know I need it - but Hashem loves me and doesn't want me to have it??".

We know the pain you probably have had a hundred desperate times.

Drop the thinking. The love is in the real sharing of ourselves, not of our brains.

Open up, amigo. If you want to.

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