Hi! I am posting this hoping that sharing and writing my feelings will clarify my feeling to myself , and others may be able to help me as well with comments and tips... (hopefully!). I have had trouble with masturbation and such since i remember and recently i have unfortunately been watching p--- online as well. I obviousy have been forever trying to stop and have not succeeded.. yet. I feel like am stuck but I know inside that it is more a feeling of hopelessness, than real inability to get on the right path. A thought that often comes to me is that this issue can be compared to someone stuck in thick sticky mud. The more he struggles and thrashes he is only getting deeper and more tired. Above him hangs a rope ,and by grabbing the rope and holding with all his strength he can pull himself free. Our rope is god! Meaning that we must realize and internalize that only by connecting and giving ourselves over to him do we allow ourselves to become free/sober from this trap...

Sounds like the beginning of a recovery plan.

We're all with you in your struggle to break free from these habitual, addictive behaviors.

Read through the basic material on this site.  Peruse a few threads on the forum.  Keep posting.

I say this repeatedly because it's true:  the cornerstone of your recovery plan is extreme shmiras eynayim in all settings.  Don't look at women.  Not live and not in any kind of pictures.  Not even their faces, unless you must interact with them.  No exceptions.

Keep off the computer altogether, unless someone else is able to see the screen.  Don't linger and surf the net.  Do your business and then shut it down.

Keep busy with good things.  Learning, exercise.  Get up early and go to sleep early.

Turn your lust over to Hashem.  Your goal is to give up lusting altogether.  Whenever lustful thoughts or desires approach, verbally turn the battle over to Hashem.  Ask him repeatedly to take these thoughts and desires.  Tell Him you don't want to lust.

Take your sobriety one day at a time.  Just be clean today.

Hatlocha.  Oh, and welcome!
Alex

thank you alex! I appreciate the kind words . I am b"h still clean for a week which is a start , I guess. At one point it bothered me that the whole recovery seemed to be a different path then teshuva as I understood it. meaning that in my mind teshuva was excercizing self-control and "fighting the fight" so too speak. But recently a thought came to me that i would like too share. In a way we are learning for ourselves and telling hashem that we are much more in his hands and relying on him than before.
    By admiting that we cant on our own , we are realizing that we  need hashems help and involvement in our lives on a much deeper level than just "serving him" we need him to help us and pull us through every single day we live . May we be zoche to fullfill our true calling bezras hashem!!!

realholyyid wrote on 19 Mar 2012 13:39:


Isn't this real teshuva (returning)?

And don't worry about "fighting the fight."  Hashem won't do everything.  There's still plenty of effort.  The difference is that in recovery, we focus our energies on
A) Avoiding lust altogether, rather than trying (yet again in vain) to fight it
and
When we are attacked by lust, we focus our energies on turning the battle over to Hashem.  There's plenty of energy and self-control involved.  It's just in a new, more effective way.

Thank you for taking the time to reply! B"h all is well by me and i hope and pray that it will continue to be so! A short thought for today, any and all responses appreciated. A big part of recovery, I believe, is to sit back and think to oneself about his reasons for doing things. Meaning that we delude ourselves into thinking that we may be selfless and honest and in reality we are far from that. We must examine intents and actions with a critical eye and attempt to really act for the other , be it hashem , a spouse , or another person. Obviously the change wont happen overnight but taking the time to think about it and maybe make small changes in attitude and action , is definitely a start. May we all hold strong for our sake and that of hashem !

What you're describing is step 4 of the 12 steps to recovery:

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Welcome my dear freind. Welocme home, you now have a new family.

As a new comer you "need" to get the welcome package. please follow this link www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3677.0

The best advice I can offer for a newcomer is to share and post on the forum. Become part of the community. make new friends. maybe even join a call. Sharing helps you heel as does bonding.

One last thing- DO NOT BEAT UP ON YOURSELF IF YOU FALL-that is the yetzer hara's best trick

Real holy yid be strong be strong you can do it you sound like you have the help from hashem by just the way you write your inspiration comes off from your words. Keep it up bc I am gonna look at what you write and only look for good news. You and me are in this together I am not gonna give up if you don't give up. Just keep on crying out yelling that hashem should help you, that you yourself should help you and that others should help you and finally you should help others. The Zohar says one of the ways to do teshuva for this is by helping others do teshuva for this. I heard from rav adheret that one who keeps the. Ris but doesn't know how to learn Torah when he dies he is treated as if he learned the whole Torah. Bris is gematria 612 add 1 for the mitzvah of bris u have 613 you keep the bris u keep the whole Torah. Be well be strong be happy. I am looking forward to only good things for you.