as my user name may suggest, i intend for a new start.... i have tried before to stop m, but never really tried i dont think.

I am in Europe and have been a B.T. for over 10 years- married with children

however, my previous life was the normal experience for a non frum person, girlfriends, unsuitable material, college etc and I have never shaken off the images and desires that were seen as normal and healthy in that world

i have often gone weeks and months without doing anything and even would say i never looked at anything online for years until recently
but  its been difficult coming across women at work, and in the street and going to work every day, around co-workers who have even looked at stuff openly in the office (before being disciplined!!)
all this has done has wound me up and caused me to get involved in discussions and has been highly dangerous.
although i wasnt really doing things wrong often, i found i would really look at women in the street and when driving past women, i couldnt help it.....so in the last 3 days ive tried the advice on here

in the past, I have made promises to myself, been to mikvahs and started the clock again but always failed. I found this site and resolved to give it a try.. 3 days clean but felt really guilt for some reason when having normal relations with my wife.
a few questions/points

1. i presume if u accidently have a dream and in ur sleep have an emission, its not your fault? it happens to me on occasion ,although i am hoping thinking less about women and trying not to stare at women in the street will help.

2. i have this really empty feeling like, wow, in awe of trying to keep clean forever, so the 90 day chart really suits me.
3. i have had no challenges yet but there is no work now till January, so i guess i must strenghten myself before going back to the world of challenges.

Welcome Newstart.  What I understand from your post is that you masturbate and want to stop.  so I'll stick to that.

Does anyone besides us virtual people know about your situation?  Isolation is a big problem for us.  I've got a little clean time under my belt, got myself into a danger zone, and still needed the guys here to remind me I was isolating and needed to be with some real folks for love, support and accountability.

There's a saying that "You're only as clean as your secrets". When you're making love with your wife, she is innocently loving you.  You, on the other hand have a secret from her--you lurk, or whatever you want to call it.  So you are tricking her.  somewhere in yourself you know this.  tricking someone, let alone someone who loves you, is wrong.  So you feel guilty.  Does that shoe fit?  If not, toss it.

I believe wet dreams are neither slips nor falls.  And yes, crank up your shmiras eynayim and yes, newstart wrote on 25 Dec 2011 18:02:


If you need only to "strengthen yourself before you go back to the world of challenges", then I think that means that when you're not in the world of challenges you have little or no difficulty with lust.  This is a wonderful blessing.

I wish you much success.  Hatzlocho

Hi
well its now day 5 and i feel fine
the problem is as u mention, yes
The problem is I tried telling my wife previously but never got around to the right moment
no one really knows, i emailed someone who i think is supportive but he never replied directly to it so not really brought it up
for now, this forum will have to do, i have found it virtually impossible and not something able to discuss with a Rabbi etc, its a complete no go area i feel to bring up

well, i stayed in a hotel last night and had no big desire to look at anything on tv which might qualify as inappropriate, but walking around today in a shopping area, i did still struggle not to look simply at women in the street or wonder about them, i think thats my major problem...anyone else really struggle with that
so in short, im fine on my own,not seeing women, but when i see them,its tough