Well... I have been receiving the daily chizuk email for awhile  and I have been reading the handbook...and trying to go through the steps toward healing. But it's just not working, every week or three weeks or so I fall. I read once in one of the daily chizuk emails a person that posted that he or she are not putting their jobs at risk or their relationship with family at risk (well not on the surface at least) he or she just wanted to beat this thing ! This is the same here ! I just got engaged and I would die of shame if she would ever get to know the stuff I have watched. I want to grow in Torah as well and I know it's impossible without beating this yetzer hara.
So here I am, I am ready to do anything to beat this thing: meetings, phone calls, anything! Could someone give me a hint where to start?
I am ready to fight! Hence my pseudonym for the forum "the Punisher" was my favorite comic book character while growing up, he was out to get the bad guys and nothing would stop him...nothing !!

Welcome!
Your resolve is admirable. I'm sure the sages of GYE will be with you soon.
Read on the message below and follow the links. Especially the NUTSHELL.
Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

maybe you would benefit of calling yourself "the cleaner" rather then "the punisher"
the idea is to just clean yourself off from the dirt, and NOT to punish AT ALL anyone
so start today to be clean, indulge in torah, mussar, chasiddus, mishnayos, chimush, oh! the list is big enough to keep you ocuppied the rest of your life
do the 12 steps, or any method that will help you along the way
the main thing is: START TODAY not tommorow, start from now, keep clean for today only
then only for tommorow, never let go, not even once, never say "i will look just this time"
the key is not to look back saying, look i tried and i failed, because those few weeks clean here and there, instead of pulling you down, can be a milestone to build on, saying, look i succeeded here and there, so i can really do it
keep your posts live daily informing of your matzav

Deear punisher, welcome (never thought I'd sday that to a guy named punisher). I also loved that character for the vigilante power he represnted. Gye is a great warm community and the factthat u got here before this habit could affect your marriage is great. I think the forst question (whoch you don't have to answer anyways) is are you here for generak chizuk or are you an addict? The answer to that. Determinesd a lot of how to relate to the forum and how ppl here should relate to you... In other words if you re an addict you are sick, and need to treat your condition. If you fall once in a while but otherwise are ok, then you are a normal person with a weakness and Torah chizuk, mussar or support group may be the answer for you.... so the ball is in your court.

Hey Punisher, it sounds to me like you would do well with the 90 day chart. I tried it and it helped me get there and beyond! Also, keep posting here and remember that you are vulnerable. Don't let your guard down.

Welcome!
Sounds like you're a pretty disciplined guy overall.
Mazal Tov on your engagement.
Know that marriage won't fix this.
It's a new mindset you're after.  You're no longer going to be a lustful person.  You're going to give up your beloved life companion called Lust.  And you're going to avoid any shmeck of it, anything that has the remote possibility of triggering it.  Because once you're in it, in the boxing ring with it, you're powerless.  Stay out of the ring, the stadium, and the neighborhood.
Hatzlacha
Alex

Welcome to the forum. I think the first step is to figure out your triggers and develop a plan on a way to avoid them. I would also strongly recommend getting a filter and setting up so you do not have a password, without this the battle would be very hard. Also their daily emails that GYE sends out, you might find them helpful. Also if you have problems with self esteem / depression you might want to try to work on yourself to get yourself out them. Good Luck!