Hi, it seems like i tried everything and nothing works. Every time somethings comes up i forget i shouldn't be doing this and do the avrah it doesn't seem to be getting any better it used to be every week or so but now it daily and i cant break out of the trend. What can i do i desperately need some help?

Hi tryhard!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Eli ben Durdayah

Welcome Reb Tryhard!

Sounds like you're ready for a real change.  We call it Recovery.
Yes, I have plenty of ideas!
Daven for syata dshmaya in this area.
Get a filter for your computer.
Read the GYE handbook.
Start working the 12 steps. They really work.
Keep posting here.

Go!
Alex

Well you have not yet tried everything if you are only first posting for the first time on this site now.

This site has helped many people break free. Read the handbook, go through the 12 steps. But just knowing you are not alone has helped so many others.

ninety

1) don't expect perfection
2) try some of the tools on the site. Each person is different and different things appeal to different people
3) Focus on progress not failure
4) install filter/tracking software
5) never give up
6) try to learn something that inspires/interests you

Easier said than done but that is what I've tried doing (I'm far from perfect by all means but there is progress)
Best of luck!

Thanks for the support. I already have a filter its just i have been doing these things so long its ingrained im my brain so i have to think not to do these avaros as opposed to actively doing them its looking at the porn thats bringing me down its the spilling seed.

You'll clean up your brain.
It can be done.
Others here have done it and so will you.

tryhard wrote on 10 Aug 2011 00:15:


Don't worry about your avaros.  It's not about avaros at this point, and such worries are usually counter-productive.  Just get yourself into recovery.

--Elyah

i fell again last night

tryhard wrote on 11 Aug 2011 00:05:


What happened?

Not, HOW did you act out.  But, what happened that lead up to it?  The hour before, the day before, whatever.

--Elyah

DoHard,

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking)

But Eye makes a critical point.  Slips lead to falls.  And once you realize what led to the final acting out, next time those opportunities come, those nisyonos, that's the time to deflect the whole thing.  It's called avoiding lust.  This is what it means to be powerless over lust.  We addicts cannot face lust head on.  If we're lusting, if we're all lusted up from our gazing, fantasizing, whatever, then we're cooked.  Short of a miracle, acting out is virtually inevitable.

So intercept early and often.  Shout loudly (in your head if people are around) for syata dshmaya.

Here's to day 1. You're back on top!
Alex

FSKOT! (Fell Shmell--Keep on Trucking)

Brother,
I remember thinking "I've tired everything and nothing works" when in reality I haven't even begun trying. It seems that you finally realized what we all here realize: we can't just close our eyes to the problem and decide very strongly in our heart to not act out when the next nisoyon comes.
We have to go through the steps, and take it one day at a time - that's what everyone here tells you. You didn't catch this desease overnight (nor did I), so it will take at least as long to get it under full control. Just be consistent, follow the advice of good people on this board, and if you fall (C"V) get up immediately ready to move forward. Staying in mud won't make you clean. Shake it off, give this one to the Evil one, and start the next round.
My heart goes out to you.
Good luck.

thanks so much for the chizuk. it seems when i fall the lust sorta comes and i try pushing it off and then it comes back even stronger.

Don't push it - go around it. You can not win the yetzer by arguing with it - because it doesn't get you on an intellectual level, either. And please, start reading daily emails and doing all the things you should be doing, step by step. That's the only way. Don't concentrate on your past falls: just make sure the next one happens further away in the future.