Many times I feel down on my self. Obviously, the reason for that is known to all. I am so embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. I am approaching the dating tekufa and am nervous that this old habit will persist into marriage. I actually placed a k9 filter on my computer as a siyug, but still come to find myself finding ways somehow to satiate my lust with pictures or bad thoughts. I am over 20 years old and I cry about it sometimes. I find myself to be sooooo down about it right after I give in, then I say I will change and after a few days (sometimes even the next day) I find myself not feeling so badly anymore.

I honestly believe in this site and all the people that write on the forums. The fact that I see so many of my brothers going through this, although I wish they weren't, is a tremendous inspiration to me. I see so many people who legitimately want to change, and some that already have. I definitely have not changed, but I greatly desire chizuk from the olam. I truly hope that I will find friends here who can give me chizuk and help me on my path to full fledged teshuva. I know this will be a process for the rest of my life, although scary I say no matter what I have to atleast try. I would so greatly appreciate input from you all. I have gone a week clean now, and I know based on my past it means nothing, but I truly hope this will be it.

Hi Yaakov,

Welcome to the site. At first, I when I tried to follow the program I did not see any improvements, in fact it got much worse. But I tried to stick with the program: avoid triggers, install filter, work on self confidence / depression, try to keep busy w/more appropriate things, participate in forums & with time I see improvements, but I am very far from perfect. I think if you stick with the program,  with time you should see improvements also.     

Welcome Yaakov123.  Your story is our story.  If only I had begun to tell myself the truth like you have when I was your age.  Hashem blesses you beyond anything you can imagine.  That you are deeply deeply troubled by not being able to stop, and feel the shame we all feel after an animal possession, should tell you that Hashem has chosen you, specifically you, at this young age, to begin a struggle with the yh that will bring you so close to "H, you will sometimes cry for the gift He's given you. 

There is much to do.  Soon you will get a welcome letter that will spell out the way the site works, resources, etc.  With everything available here, with no longer having to keep your secret, the chizuk, the laughter, the most important thing I've learned is that my only job is to get through today clean.  and often that is a mighty job.  And it's a job for life.  And it's gotta be one of the best jobs in the universe.  The pay is excellent.

Hatzlacha.  Keep us posted.  We're here anytime.

Thank you I appreciate what you wrote and everyone else.

Welcome Yaakov 123. Here is GYE's official welcome package.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

welcome! Your on the right path, you already put a filter which is step 1 and the biggest problem. Also 1 week is HUGE don't put it down! The steipler writes that one who holds himself back even one time is someone who can get over these things. Read the attutade hand book and work on not feeling down after a fall bec that many times is the reason for more falls, keep in mind that eating one cookie is not breaking the diet but getting depressed and then eating the whole cookie jar is breaking it!

Hazlocha!

Thank you. It just seems to be the hardest thing though, i.e. not getting down on myself. I feel in retrospect a week can be a complete waste of time if after that week I fall right back into my old ways. I am starting to date now and I want to make sure that I give my future kallah, biezras H-shem everything. It is such a scary thought for me. I appreicate the input so much and I read everything you and everyone else write. Thank you for helping me.

You are coming to grips with your problem at a good time. You are right that marriage does not solve these problems. We always desire something new. Something we never saw or had before. But by crushing the desire (it is really hard in the beginning) you give room in your brain to appreciate what is muttar to you.

As the Gemara says "There is a small organ on a person... If you feed it it is hungry and if you starve it is is satisfied"; this is not talking about your stomach.

Keep posting. We are all reading and really want you to succeed.

ninety

read the attitude hand book that should help your feeling of depression, but your at a good start hang out here and you'll be in good hands.

Yaakov are you for real or are you a troll?

Here you said in your OP:
yaakov123 wrote on 28 Jul 2011 21:55:


And here you repeat:yaakov123 wrote on 29 Jul 2011 15:40:


However, here you say:yaakov123 wrote on 28 Jul 2011 22:35:


Which is it, are you starting to date in the near future or are you getting married in a few weeks?

Understand -this site is about helping ourselves and others. Honesty is the key. When you post contradictory posts about yourself you are abusing this forum.

What's really going on here?