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TOPIC: hello my friends.... 88094 Views

Re: hello my friends.... 24 Jul 2012 13:08 #142270

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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Thanks, 1D.

And how are things with you?
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: hello my friends.... 25 Jul 2012 19:50 #142416

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Yamin uhsmoll. Thanks for asking. Suffering is really boring. so why does it capture all my attention. Maybe I shouldn't kvetch. Better pain than shtuss.

KOT my friend.

Yoel

Re: hello my friends.... 06 Aug 2012 18:39 #143032

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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So on Shabbos I was in Shul, and I was lost in thought and pacing, just thinking about the unfairness of it all....I wandered over to a bookshelf and randomly pulled out a sefer and flipped it open. It was a Novi Yeshaya and it opened to 45:9.

הוֹי רָב אֶת-יֹצְרוֹ חֶרֶשׂ אֶת-חַרְשֵׂי אֲדָמָה הֲיֹאמַר חֹמֶר לְיֹצְרוֹ מַה-תַּעֲשֶׂה וּפָעָלְךָ אֵין-יָדַיִם לוֹ.
Woe to him who contends with his Creator, a potsherd among the potsherds of the earth, shall the clay say to its potter, "What do you make? And your work has no place."


WOW!! And the Malbim explains, Do not complain that you were not made perfect, for if were perfect we could not grow...
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: hello my friends.... 06 Aug 2012 19:41 #143035

  • TehillimZugger
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Not really so related, but related in a way, and I just spoke to a chaver on the phone and told him over this shtickel:



ערוך השולחן אורח חיים הלכות יסודי הדת והשכמת הבוקר סימן א סעיף י

כתב הסמ"ג בעשין מצוה י"ז מצות עשה לצדק את הדין על כל המאורע שנאמר וידעת עם לבבך כי כאשר ייסר איש את בנו ה' אלהיך מיסרך וכו' עכ"ל ואנחנו בני ישראל עיפי הזמן בלא מנוחה זה קרוב לשני אלפים שנה חייבים אנו לדעת שזהו הכל לטובתינו לזכך אותנו כמו שאמר הנביא זכריה [יג, ט] וצרפתים כצרוף את הכסף ובחנתים כבחון את הזהב הוא יקרא בשמי ואני אענה אותו אמרתי עמי הוא והוא יאמר ה' אלהי וביאור הכתוב להאמין באמונה שלמה שכל צרותינו וכל טלטולינו אינו על דרך הנקימה ח"ו אלא כדי לצרפינו דאל"כ כבר לא היתה ממנו שארית בכל משך ממאות השנים הרבות ואין לך אות ומופת גדול מזה מקיומינו זמן ארוך כזה דאין זה אלא מפני שהשגחתו יתברך עלינו לא סר ולא יסור אף רגע כאב המשגיח על בנו יחידו ומייסרו לטובתו וראיה לזה שהרי בכל זמן הגלות הוא יקרא בשמי ואני אענה אותו כלומר כשאנו מתפללים אליו יתברך עונה אותנו בכל עת צרה וצוקה אמרתי עמי הוא והוא יאמר וגו' כלומר שהרי אנו רואים שבכל זמן הארוך הזה עם בני ישראל הולכים בדרך התורה והמצוה והוא יתברך קורא אותנו עמי ואנחנו קוראים אותו אלהי ישראל
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: hello my friends.... 06 Aug 2012 19:48 #143037

As we read today in the Parsha -

...וְיָדַעְתָּ עִם-לְבָבֶךָ כִּי כַּאֲשֶׁר יְיַסֵּר אִישׁ אֶת-בְּנוֹ ה' אֱלֹקיךָ מְיַסְּרֶךָּ...

MT

Re: hello my friends.... 06 Aug 2012 19:59 #143042

  • TehillimZugger
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That's why I remembered to tell it to the guy, whaddya think, I know the abovementioned sefer by heart?
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: hello my friends.... 13 Aug 2012 19:22 #143601

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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Gevura wrote on 06 Aug 2012 18:39:

So on Shabbos I was in Shul, and I was lost in thought and pacing, just thinking about the unfairness of it all....I wandered over to a bookshelf and randomly pulled out a sefer and flipped it open. It was a Novi Yeshaya and it opened to 45:9.

הוֹי רָב אֶת-יֹצְרוֹ חֶרֶשׂ אֶת-חַרְשֵׂי אֲדָמָה הֲיֹאמַר חֹמֶר לְיֹצְרוֹ מַה-תַּעֲשֶׂה וּפָעָלְךָ אֵין-יָדַיִם לוֹ.
Woe to him who contends with his Creator, a potsherd among the potsherds of the earth, shall the clay say to its potter, "What do you make? And your work has no place."


WOW!! And the Malbim explains, Do not complain that you were not made perfect, for if were perfect we could not grow...



I used to do that often when I was elligible for the Bochurim Only thread. I would get many messages from Hashem that way. It was my version of asking a child to say a passuk.

Re: hello my friends.... 13 Aug 2012 19:25 #143603

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thank you yosef for respecting my wishes and not posting there, unlike some of your friends
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: hello my friends.... 21 Aug 2012 14:30 #143997

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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"Pischu Li Pesach keChudo Shel Machat...."

There is a fundamental difference between a doorway and a pinprick (aside from the size of course).

A doorway is created by taking away part of the wall. There is something permanently missing. When you stick a pin in something, however, no material is removed. It is just pushed to the side a little, and when you take the pin out it moves back into place, as if nothing had ever happened.

It is the same with a person. We cannot make a permanent change in ourselves and remove parts of our psyche on our own. All we can do is move ourselves aside a teeny bit, and make just a little bit of room for Hashem to enter, like a needle forcing its way in. Then He takes over, and with His power we can have all our problems removed.

And it may seem like a gaping void, but in reality it is the entrance to the Kodesh Hakodoshim.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: hello my friends.... 31 Aug 2012 16:53 #144377

  • ZemirosShabbos
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that is an awesome vort!
thank you Gevura
when you print your sefer i want an autographed copy (monster-truck-tire marks are fine too)
Sometimes life is like tuna with not enough mayonaise
~Inna beshem ZS

Give, Forgive
~Cordnoy

The reason I'm acting as if I'm pregnant, is because I'm expecting. I should be accepting.
~TZ

Re: hello my friends.... 31 Aug 2012 17:28 #144379

  • AlexEliezer
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Very sweet vort

Re: hello my friends.... 04 Sep 2012 21:17 #144575

  • Gevura Shebyesod
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I'm about a week late with this but it's about time I post an update. I've just been in a bit of a shy mood again lately.

I currently have 137 days on the chart. However it's what I would call "technical" sobriety since it just means I haven't actually fallen completely off the edge yet. I've been getting numb, lax and complacent again, even as the environment I am in has become increasingly more trigger-full. And i've been slipping, and wanting, and getting depressed about it which makes me want and slip more...

A week ago I had what I am calling an "almost-fall". I shared it in detail with a few people and they agreed that it is not technically a full fall. but it is clearly a message that I need to sit up and pay more attention to my trucking.

I'll leave out the details, but basically what happened is as follows. I was put into a position where I had to interact with someone extremely triggering, and I wound up spending alot more time there than I originally planned to. So that night I had a dream that I was back there with that person, and that we began to "do something". I woke up and I was insane with desire, and I could not shake the fantasy that continued. Still half asleep, I began to act out for maybe 20 seconds until i caught myself and stopped. Nothing came out then, but later in the day some stuff came out involuntarily and without any sensation. But I know it was a consequence of what happened earlier.

I need to get more proactive with my Shmiras Einayim again, being more aware of problem situations before I gety into them and not letting it sneak up on me. And there are some Kabbalos I had made back when I started this, such as saying the entire Krias Shma every night form a siddur, and keeping up with learning projects, that I have been getting lax with lately, and Bli Neder I will make an effort to be more careful with them.

LAst year this was all new and exciting, and I was feeling a wonderful close connection to Hashem and enjoying the sense of accomplishment that i felt with each success. I want that back again. But lately the whole thing seems to have become boring and i'm feeling empty and purposeless again. And that is a terrible place to be. It makes me want the drug...

I need to just do the actions that I am supposed to do, and let Hashem send me the feelings.
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through...


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."

"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."

- General Grant



My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends

Re: hello my friends.... 04 Sep 2012 22:19 #144576

Machshovo wrote on 03 Sep 2012 16:21:

Parsha Tips

We find in this week’s Parsha two similar pieces of advice:

היום הזה ה' אלהיך מצוך, (רש"י) בכל יום יהיו בעיניך חדשים כאילו בו ביום נצטוית עליהם

היום הזה נהיית לעם, (רש"י) בכל יום יהיו בעיניך כאילו היום באת עמו בברית


i.e. we must approach every single day as if it is the first day that we started working on our recovery. As the saying goes (in Yiddish) “a new broom sweeps well”. So too, all we have is today, and we must give it all we got!

Kol tuv,

MT

Re: hello my friends.... 05 Sep 2012 00:51 #144584

  • AlexEliezer
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You know the vort.
That initial excitement and closeness is a sneak preview of what we can attain with years of effort. But we forget this. We get addicted to the new. We get depressed when the newness of things wears off. At some point, the seichel takes over. We hope.

Re: hello my friends.... 05 Sep 2012 01:11 #144585

  • nederman
137 is a great number. It's the gematria of Kabbalah, and also the inverse of the fine structure constant (but you probably don't know what that is, which is okay.)

Perhaps today is your day to make your real Kabbalah. Write down all the pros and cons of being sober. For me the main one is that after I act out I have an unpleasant feeling because i am not measuring up to the best I could be. And there are many other good reasons for surrendering, or arguing with yourself, or whatever you do instead of lusting, and only you can write them down because you are the world's foremost expert on yourself!

You might consider reading Feeling Good for useful techniques and examples of people who defeated their depression.
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