A message from the world beyond (I am not making this up!) to 1200inbox:




VeHamayvin Yavin.

I WAS ZOICHEH TO A HISGALLUS BEHAKITZ!

Amazing nevua! He's right! :-D

1200Inbox (I'm sure there's a story behind that name) I just wanted to say welcome.  I don't have much to add to the golden posts that preceded me and what I am about to say is not meant as a criticism I understand it completely and I only write it to make an observation (more for myself) as to how resistant to change we really are. 

I just read through the entire thread for the first time this morning and I was struck by the fact that initially the problem was that you had a wife who was not pretty, when it was pointed out to you that having a pretty wife is by no means a solution to anything and certainly not this problem.  Subconsciously you realized that the justification you've been falling on for so long won't work, so then the problem switched to I don't have an internet problem I have an "street" problem.  Not pretty wives, the types of things we act out with are all symptoms of a larger problem and that problem is within ourselves it's not in our wives, on the woman walking down the street, in our jobs.  I pray that I see the problems within myself and that you see any problems the you have within yourself.

Hatzlacha and keep the honest posts coming.

Inbox, I can tell you that having a very attractive wife is also not the answer!  In fact, it can make your problem MUCH MUCH worse.  A person in such a marriage, with your issues, could end up acting out even worse.  because he is attracted to his wife for her physical features and not for her inner kedusha, he can go around running from place to place looking for that "surface" connection and never achieve true joy and holiness.  If i am too aroused by my wife, I turn her into the object of my passion, and she resents this tremendously and walks around the house felling like a kadisha or worse.  Anyhow good luck to you, it sounds like you are ready to learn.

Thanks again for all of my beloved friends for all your comments it means a lot to me.

'ben durdayah'
i was expecting everything here but to get messages from the 'world beyond' that i really didn't expect... Wow, what a holy place here on GYE..............

1200inbox wrote on 02 Jun 2011 19:33:


Actually, in this case 'the world beyond' sent me an e-mail (Igrois Koidesh) with this message for you from someone who cares about your neshamah, but is no longer active on this site.

The 'oilem ha'elyoin' from which it was sent is otherwise known as "Bardsville"...

You can see some of this author's works on this thread: Bardichev's Battle

Yup! Highly recommended thread for all yidden. Enjoy!!

I think the only thing I can possibly add to this freight train of goodness and chizuk is that the source of the problem may not be your fault, and from what you're saying, it looks like there were quite a few environmental factors that contributed to your current situation. However, it still your own responsibility to fix it, That's the nature of nisyonos. It's not about how we got there, it's about how we plan on getting through and above it.

There are solutions to your problems, that's for certain. It's up to you to implement those solutions. and you've come to absolute best collection of solutions and friends on the whole Internet.

Also, make sure you send Guard a PM and get added to the married forum. You'll probably find some great chizuk on there more directly related to issues in your marriage (which there obviously are).

When my inbox gets to 1200 it's time for a new email address!

Reb Inbox, I just read through your entire thread for the first time today.  Welcome to this wonderful family!  I can sense that you are now at least pointed in the right direction.  You have already been given much golden advice and I pretty much agree with everything that was said. So I'll just share a couple of thoughts which you might find helpful or at least comforting.

I was a lust addict for over 30 years.  It started well before the internet was ever invented.  I know what looking at tzniusdige women on the street can do to me.  I can even just look at a woman's face to get my lust drug fix.

I have a wife that I am B"H attracted to but I will tell you that I work to keep her attractive to me by complimenting her on her looks frequently.  I also keep myself attractive to her by keeping myself trim and muscular, which inspires her to take care of herself.  It is a woman's lifeblood to hear compliments and praise from her husband.  On trick I use: If I would like her to compliment me in some way, I figure she too would like to hear that, so I say it.

I also noticed that when i started practicing shmiras eynayim at all times, she became much more attractive.  In fact the whole world became much more beautiful.

Something else I do if I'm thinking my wife isn't so attractive, I think about how other lustful men would view her.  They would look for something to turn them on, and they would find it.  I'll look at her from across the room and think: look at that sexy married girl, boy her husband must have a good time with her.

I also want to reiterate the importance of separating out your lust addiction and addressing it without strings attached.

Wishing you much hatzlocho.
Looking forward to following your progress here.
Gut Choidesh
Gut Shabbos
Alex

1200inbox

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