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TOPIC: Keri issues, please help. 1480 Views

Keri issues, please help. 10 May 2011 17:15 #105582

  • Blue 162
Hi, I need some help.
When I was around 14-15, I used to look at p... occasionally, but went cold turky, and don't do so now. (I'm 17, 18 in a couple of weeks.) I don't m........ and never have, but I have been plagued with wet dreams. They occur for me at least one a week, normally more, and they drive me mad. It is not just theemmision itself though, it just feels so unclean.
What really drives me round the bend is when my underwear goes in the laundry basket. My mum does the laundry, as I am to busy with sixth form to do my own, and the idea of her touching my underwear disgusts me. When she touches this afterwards, like faucets, door handles, etc., they just feel dirty, and I can barely bring myself to touch them without cleaning it first. (N.B. it is not just my mother; anyone touching my underwear afterwards would make me feel the same. I have tried to explain this, but neither she, nor my father, seem to understand.
Then, last week, my mother touched my siddur, when she was cleaning. This was after an NE, and now I can't shake the feeling that my siddur is contaminated, and I can't serve Hashem in peace. Just the tought the even a microscopic amount of semen is anywhere near my siddur is horrible to me.
I am seeing a doctor about this tomorrow, but I really need help from other Jews now. Please, I need help.
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 10 May 2011 17:31 #105583

  • kedusha
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Welcome, Blue!

Ashrecha!  How many people would want to trade places with you - an 18-year-old Bochur, who has never masturbated and gave up his occasional use of porn about 3 years ago!

Your concerns are not Halachic ones, but they seem to bother you,  nonetheless.  Keep in mind that, by the time your mother does the laundry, the semen has almost certainly dried, so she might not even notice it.  There is no need to say anything to her - it's not anyone's concern if you had a wet dream.  Furthermore, dry semen is not Metamei other items.

Hope this helps!  Hatzlacha!
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 10 May 2011 17:33 #105585

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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See the thread "Wet Dreams" where this is discussed in detail.
Especially from This post until the end of the thread.
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 10 May 2011 18:04 #105588

  • AlexEliezer
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I have two thoughts to share, probably worth one cent each, for a total of two cents worth.  But first, yasher koach for taking up the struggle and for giving up p--n at such a young age.

The thread linked by Reb Yoseph above will help with tumah issues.  There does seem to be an obsessive component and perhaps counseling can help with that.

I am a few decades older than you and despite an active married life, continued to have episodes of NE from time to time.  I was also a lust addict until 2 years ago.  I noticed that when I stopped looking at women (live and in pictures; tznius and otherwise) and thinking lustful thoughts during the day, the NE's stopped.  I'm not passing any kind of judgement on you.  Just sharing my experience.  If it helps, great, if not, just ignore. 

Here's a ridiculously simple idea.  When you have a NE, rinse your underwear in the bathroom sink.  You can use hand soap if you need.  Leave them somewhere out of view in your room until they are dry, then put them in the laundry.

Shteig on!
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 10 May 2011 18:40 #105592

  • laagvokeles
there is no איסור that the toire gives in any subject if it can not be seen with a regular human eye.
so even if your mothers hand would be wet and make wet your sidur,by touching it you would only get טמא if its dirty meaning wet, do your hands get wet?

ones you take a tissue and u clean it, you wouldnt get טמא

so no problem in the halachic point of view, so if hashem wants u to daven and the sidur is good for hashem cause its clean and dos not make u טמא , it should also be good enough for you.

i recomend you to not touch a pc with internet again, untill u work and u need it


Last Edit: 10 May 2011 18:47 by .

Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 10:20 #105655

  • Blue 162
So, if it has dried, thre is no chance of it getting anywhere else?
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 11:06 #105656

  • ben durdayah
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Bingo.

Blue: You need to take a chill pill Phil.

And if a takes a prescription from a psychiatrist, there's nothing to be embarrassed of.

But it sounds like you're one very unhappy camper.

I wish you health and happiness,

E

For Dov and the other two guys who care,
My real name really is
 Eli
Like the original Bendy, Ein hadavar talui ela bee




 
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 14:57 #105659

  • Blue 162
O.k., thank you.
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 15:30 #105664

  • kedusha
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Your question was a good one, but please don't let it worry you any more.

Hatzlacha!
Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 17:14 #105701

  • Blue 162
I'll try not to,  but it is very difficult. 
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 17:52 #105708

  • AlexEliezer
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Blue, please help me out here. Are we from the same planet? How is it that you were able to look at p--n and not m-------?
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 11 May 2011 17:54 #105709

  • laagvokeles
liscen tzadik.
non of us here is a doctor, so we can only try to help u with our commun and sence.

i would tell you, number one learn the real problem in halacha about something getting dirty with sperm, and then you gonna know how big or small your problem is in reality, so then u gonna be able to know the proportions of things and with the help of hashem deal with your "feelings" (that are not real) about it.

and dont forget no cohen in the bet hamikdash would be killed by hashem for touching zera that he didnt see even if it is from  him self.


and know that by getting in into the internet with no היתר from a rabbi , you really have big big problems with hashem, AND BY YOUR SIDDUR NO PROBLEM AT ALL

like i said we are not doctors.
Last Edit: 11 May 2011 17:56 by .

Re: Keri issues, please help. 12 May 2011 12:59 #105772

  • Blue 162
Alexeliezer- I don't know. It just seemed wrong while I was doing it, and I just reminded myself of my commitments to be good. It wasn't easy, but I just thought, I am ashamed of my self for looking at this; how much more so if I commit any wrong deeds with my hands.

laagvokeles- thanks for your advice, but what is this abbout internet? (sorry, can't understand hebrew well.) I only use it for help like this, learning Torah, if I want a source other than my books, or to help with school work or research. Also for games, but mostly just war/strategy games.
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 12 May 2011 13:21 #105773

  • Blue 162
By the way, i am not suggesting my methods will work with evryone, just with me. I suppose I nipped it it the bud before it bloomed big.
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Re: Keri issues, please help. 12 May 2011 17:46 #105807

  • laagvokeles
i am not  rabbi.
maybe a rabbi will aprove it to u.
take care of your self
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