As an addict I was hoping that there would be many warm messages of support and welcome by now. At least I'm saying that I'm an addict.
A little more background...
I started masturbating at age 12(?) after reading a book that mentioned it obliquely. The frequency increased over the years. I called a sex hotline from the house off a number I saw in Manhattan, not realizing it cost money. When questioned about it I lied.
My parents got dialup Internet years ago (through AOL, CompuServe, etc.) and I discovered pictures and pornographic stories. Skipping forward, I got married and for a short period stayed home and used dialup Internet to watch videos. A few years later we divorced (due to interpersonal relationship issues or lack of them - trans. we had no connection and plenty of fights) and I now have broadband.
Over the last couple of years I've gotten stuck in the mire of my own making, until I finally had enough. It felt like it wasn't life anymore but a living death. I went through various stops before getting to the therapist who introduced me to GYE and helped me stick my toe in and eventually keep it there. First by getting the emails and then by joining a telephone conference. I consider myself a talmid of Duvid Chaim and Shlomo (I don't know if they want such talmidim
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)
Slowly, I've tried to make changes in my attitudes ("Yes, I'm an addict", "Yes, it will kill me", "Yes, I can let go of a resentment", etc. ) and my actions, to claw my way out of isolation and to start living life instead of merely
barely existing.
I've made some great friends along the way, some of them whom I have yet to meet face-to-face but have instead met heart-to-heart, and hope that they consider me a '
chaver' as well. This is a path that we are walking on, the '
derech arucho, shu k'tzoro' to greet Moshiach (now or in the future). Please allow me to join you on the trek because I'm weak and can't do it alone.