This is my last hope.  I have been somewhat addicted to internet/porn since I was about 15.  It is almost 20 years later and nothing has changed.  I drive around all day wishing to be part of another culture where I will not have to suffer like this anymore.  Each time I thought things would get better I would get happy but each time I am left disappointed.  I am married with kids and noone knows of my issues.  It has gotten to the point that I am ready to throw away my family and kids to move on.  I go to shul on shabbos and during the week if it easy to.  I Am starting to make plans to "move on" and as a last minute idea I am trying this.  It has destroyed me to the point that I think there is no return.....

hoplessadict,

Do not ever give up!!!!!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best � and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"� See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information� We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night� Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps � which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth�

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

1)The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Hopeless,

Been there and done that.

Just take a deep breath and sit tight.

Hang around here, and you'll see -everything will be just fine.

E. ben Durdayah

Unfortunately (or fortunately), trying to escape would not solve your problems - it would only make them far worse.  So, stick around and give yourself a chance!

Hopeless -

Hold on a bit longer - - - help is around the corner.

Reach out, let us hold on to you so you don't slip or fall.

Trust me, we've all been at that point! We wouldn't all be here if we weren't. Stick around, I'm telling you, you are about to rediscover LIFE. With more beauty and more appreciation than ever before.

With deep Love,
Miracles

I dont even know what to hold on to anymore - I am numb with feeling to the world.  I go to work and come home.  I barely notice my surroundings.  My wife is too clueless and busy to even realize I may be having a problem

Have you ever not had the problem for an extended period of time since getting married?

If not, then perhaps your wife won't be able to comprehend you who are without this addiction.  Yes, I know this sounds strange, but perhaps your wife won't think of you the same way without the addiction.  If this is such an issue, than therapy is probably the only way to go once you begin to have a bit of success with breaking free from addiction.  I know that it may seem harsh but once you start to leave addiction behind, your personality changes.  The traits will not, but the attitude will.  I know this from my own experience and from many others that have shared theirs with me.  Therefore,  I think that while you keep on moving in the right direction, as you are doing right now, you will need to keep this in mind.  The therapy option should not be first and foremost, but you should be ready to accept it as soon as issues start to arise between you and your wife.  You may feel very often that as soon as you start to stop your addiction, those around you become cold and distant.  You MUST remember at all times that this is only a temporary feeling and after about two weeks this feeling will dissipate into thin air.  This why almost everybody on this site will tell you that days 15-30 are the hardest.  Please please please,  continue to hang on.  These first few days are the hardest.  Once you feel accepted by the GYE community enough to begin posting consistently, it will be to your great advantage to keep all of us here at GYE updated with your well being. Whenever there is trouble on the horizon there is always someone to come to your rescue.

Rising Up

There have been some very very short periods of time is about it. 

I am not concerened about my wife.  I just feel guilty leading this double life and I have fallen so slow that I feel that I have no place anywhere.  I feel like an outsider peeking in to my life.  I am more outside of the life that I lead then I am in.  I enjoy working but once the day os over I just drive home or walk around with a blank empty feeling.  I have gone for therapy but never wanted to bring it up because I assumed that it will then be discussed with my wife who may throw me out.  Why not just leave and avoid the emabrassment.  The one therapist who did discuss it with me slightly I stopped going to. 
I almost dont want it to work so I can just crawl away and move on.

It kinda sounds like you think that crawling away and moving on will help. This may sound harsh at first but crawling away is really crwling TOWARD misery pain isolation and loneliness.
The only place to crawl is to recovery --- and there is hope. I think you need to change your name -- and your motto -- to "THERE-IS-IS-IS-IS-IS-IS-HOPE". That is the only direction for you to go.
I remember feeling that I have one foot in one life and one foot in the other, and I wasn't sure which way I would end up. The life of giving it all up called out to me. I thought that if I would just let it pull me in, I would finally have peace.
But then I would look at the sweet faces of my children as they slept and I would cry -- wishing that I can be a part of that innocent life. Things were not easy for me, and I still have my dips and falls but my life is different now. I love to laugh, to run, to spend time with my family. My wife feels like she has me back.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LOSE HOPE.

hope, as u can tell, you have alot of people here who care about you. you are right abut leading a double life, it stinks. part of posting here allows to be 100% up front with us. Its a start. the attitude handbook is a great tool which can also help you think differently. the decision is yours, GYE is here and we are here. We'll keep the light on for ya!

Dear hopeless

If you have some time look up a thread titled "MOMO II Another try" browse through some of the earlier posts and then look at his most recent post.

There is no such a thing as hopeless.

hold tight and keep posting here,

i think the sanhedrin here can teach u a thing or two that'll change ur life

dont forget, all of us here were also "hopeless" and now it is more than hopeful-it is quite enjoyable

growing learning how to live better lives
learning weird words like ROTMF or KOT

hopelessness has become an outdated word in my life already
please thank God that you have found this weird place, and place make it your new home
love,
tz90

realsimcha wrote on 29 Mar 2011 02:59:


Interesting statement.  I am not trying to be difficult with you and argure with you but.............

I dont have feelings for my wife or kids.  i think of them as a burden to me and getting in the way of the life that I am getting sucked into.  I perhaps still have some sense of morals or value or I would have left them some time ago.  I almost did leave them recently but somehhow stuck it out but now the fight is brewing again and  I just dont think I can fight again because I do not know what I am fighting for or why I am fighting and i have no stregth in me.  I Have fought many battles in my life and each time was disppointed so i amnot sure why I should invest in this fight.  I only have some peace when I am at work because I love my job.

and no one knows about this problem - Its not like i can confide in someone.  Anyone that I can speak with on other issues do not have any inkling about this inlcuding my rov who I am very close with.