Jew wrote on 13 Mar 2011 12:56:


I’ll give you my perspective having been around this site for several years.  The initial reaction of people who find this site is to be filled with gratitude and inspiration. Wow! I found this site that deals with my issues! Look! I’m not the only one who is struggling here! There are others, and they are fighting, winning, so can I!

This initial wave of inspiration, however, can only take you so far (Not unlike the initial fervor of a new baal teshuva). Eventually, the initial euphoria wears off, perhaps even after 90 days and old habits and urges start to resurface. Before we know it we are back to our old ways and sink as low as we ever did if not worse.

Then we hit the next stage, I’ll call it the see-saw stage where we resolve to win, fight, fight and fight some more till we win. This goes on where we have periods of sobriety (clean streaks) and periodic falls. Eventually, the falls become more and more frequent and the despair and depression start setting in.

Then we realize that will power alone and fighting and resolutions are not the ultimate answer. There is something wrong with our whole psyche and until we fix ourselves, our mindset we will not win this battle.

At that point we start following a recovery program the most common ones following the 12 steps. This program doesn’t focus on the addiction per se, but rather it teaches us to develop a real connection to Hashem, to realize that in this area (Really in all areas) we are totally dependent on His mercy to overcome our desires. We need Him to carry us because we can’t carry ourselves. We’ve destroyed ourselves too much. We learn to introduce Hashem into our lives in a much more tangible and constant way. We speak to him throughout the day, because we ask him for help countless times a day. This is the attitude that works in a lasting way. You’ll experience spiritual growth that you never thought possible. (Which is why anyone saying that the 12 steps are anti-Torah is sadly mistaken and never experienced it). You will adopt the attitude that falls and clean streaks are irrelevant, and all that is important is your relationship with Hashem minute to minute hour to hour and day to day.

This “battle” does not feel like a battle whatsoever, it feels like an ongoing conversation and a developing relationship with Hashem. This is what we mean when we say surrender, or stop fighting.

This is my experience. This is what I believe. I also believe the people who encourage you to “keep on fighting” are themselves in the middle stages of this battle or not true addicts. I imagine people who are not true addicts and have not truly warped and skewed their perspective can beat this Yetzar Hara by willpower alone.  Unfortunately, however, they may never experience the relationship with Hashem that the recovered addict has developed.

I agree with you Me3.  However I have tried something else in addition to what is being offered to me.  Although I am still not out of what you call the initial stage, I was aware of the phenomenon that you describe before I started the 90 day battle.  What I am doing to supplement my initial euphoria into lasting longer is taking part in the recovery of others.  This is being done so by aiding them in their battle, the very same one that I am having myself.  This way I can feel the same euphoria that they feel when they succeed.  I am obviously taking a risk as I am allowing my own problems to be predicated by the well being of another.  However, I do have different members at different stages, some doing better than others.  By focusing my emotions upon those that are doing well I am only allowing the successes, and not the failures to emotionally affect me.  This allows me to use my euphoria only partially as I am supplemented by the successes of others.  Of course if my entire group were to all fail in one shot I would be pretty down.  I do feel that this very much so mimics the final step of the "12 steps".  My take in short on accomplishing the "12 steps", far be it from me to be called an expert, is that they can be accomplished in an integrated fashion as opposed to a step-after-step fashion. But that is for another discussion.

Hi All  :D :D :D I made it to 7 days!!! I'm so proud of myself. this is the longest ive gone clean in some time! BH BH BH I feel that finally the last time I said the add in, in shma koilainu for tshuva wasnt in vain and to get go a week clean is just a wonderful feeling.  8)

I think the problem now is how to keep this feeling but for now I just want to enjoy a clean Purim Bezrat Hashem.

Jew

RisingUp wrote on 13 Mar 2011 18:35:


Same here. My greatest source of chizuk is seeing other people succeeded trying hard to succeed. So Jew - keep on posting, fighting and praying!

A frielchin purim. You're doing great. Keep it up. Continued hatzlacha.

Hi Jew!

Ever since you posted that great chizuk to me I've been rooting for you. I hope you are doing well.

realsimcha wrote on 21 Mar 2011 18:42:


Thats so sweet of you. so nice to feel appreciated. its amazing how this community is full of people that are receivers and givers and all growing together. its a real Kiddush Hashem.

I'm hanging on, had a difficult trip home from work. In England the tube is full of people dressed like there on a beach, regardless of the weather! so had diffiulty with my eyes today, but im still excited about having a clean Purim, was an amazing feeling and now im just aikming for this Shabbos. If I can make it would be amazing.

just stopping by to say hi.

keep up the good work.
remember the battle is always easier when its 2 against 1

Hashem is on your side... all you have to do is CALL-OUT, and He will be there.!

Dov in Israel (not to be confused with Daily Dose of Dov)

I just logged in my DAY 12  and I thought of you. I hope and pray that you are doing well. Its a zchus to be fighting this battle with you. Hang in there! Its one simple goal: Let me go to sleep clean tonight.

Yawwwn!  On that note -- Good Night!!

Boruch Hashem although last night was hard, its so difficult when your wife and kids are asleep and its just you alone in that dark room, but then I thought of how awful i'd feel to report that I failed and we won and i live on to fight another night.

;D
Thats amazing!! I know exactly what you mean about being up after everyone else has gone to sleep and the only thing not sleeping is me, my computer, and my stresses. But as the chevra has been teaching me, someone else is up too "Hinei lo yanum..." and I think I am going to start talking to him a little more during those lonely nights (Check out Gesher's comment to my thread today).

Thinking about you and hoping that you can continue to go up and up---

Jew!! Where are you? Don't get lost my friend - up or down - this is the place to be.

realsimcha wrote on 25 Mar 2011 01:08:


im here! last night was our two week birthday! still going strong and very grateful to be lean for parshas Parah B'ezras Hashem.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
HAPPY TWO WEEK BIRTHDAY!!!

Had a clean Parshas Parah! Boruch Hashem.

Just wondering how everyone keeps themselves motivated after the orginal feel good feeling of being clean. I guess its like anything, a diet or new chevrusa, but how do you sustain it? I keep getting that feeling at night that I need to do something but somehow, so far, with Hashems mercy, i'm still counting!

Gut Voch