I wrote this to someone that complained that " The Y"H really takes cheap shots sometimes, bringing up things like this during davening."

Holy tzadik, when the despicable menuval fights dirty like that, that's the time to really get angry at him and to get get even more in to battle mode!
It's the time to take up all the weapons that are available to you. Like strengthening your ruchnius, working on simcha, your shmiras einayim and all the tips you can find on this forum and on the site.

It's also the time to cry out to Hashem from the bottom of your heart! Tell Him "re'ei b'anyeinu" - look what this filthy rasha is doing to me, "Hagam lichbosh es hamalka imi babayis?" Can't this dirt bag leave me be, at least while I'm having my private time with You - Hashem?

R' Shimshon Pincus zt'l (the first piece in the sefer on chanuka) says: The underlying message of chanuka is that Hashem loves us an Ahava she'aino t'luya b'davar - unconditional love. We know that Hashem also loves Mishpat and Seder (that's why it's considered -kaviyachol- a "tircha" if Hashem makes a miracle for us). But Hashem's love for us is more powerful and more intrinsic than anything else (we can see this in the zohar that is printed in the Rosh Hashonoh machzorim before Tekias Shofar).

When Hashem changes nature for us despite the fact that He doesn't "like" to, it reminds us how much He truly loves us. But why were the Chashmonaim Zoche to this unusual occurence? The answer is very simple: Because they demonstrated their great love for Hashem with their tremendous mesiras nefesh - fighting against all odds, when things seemed so dark and so hopeless. Midah kineged midah. On chanuka we have the power to tap in to our inner koach of mesirus nefesh and awaken that tremendous mutual love between Hashem and us. On Zos Chanuka this power gets the strongest. This is hinted to in Halel -"Me'eis Hashem hoysoh Zos he niflos b'eineynu" - "Zos" is a special gift from Hashem, it's wondrous in our eyes. And it continues "Zeh hayom osoh Hashem nogilah vinismicha bo"!

R' Tvi Meir often quotes from Tzadikim, that the menuval's greatest - most powerful bomb is Yi'ush. So he saves it for a last resort and uses it when he's really desperate. When he throws the Yi'ush bomb at us, we can be sure that we are close to winning. Always remember "Keits Sum Lachoshech" the dark doesn't continue forever. Like R' Tvi Meir says: Don't run away by the maror!

The Zohar says that before Moshiach comes the world will be darker than ever. This is the necessary Hachana for the Tikun Hashalem. The same is true for each persons personal geulah, before the yeshua it gets the darkest. AND THE BIGGER THE THE KLIPAH IS THE BIGGER THE OHR IS!!! (just like a bigger fruit has a bigger peal)

...the victories are infinitely more significant than the failures.
When you act the way that you want to, it has the full impact of an action of a Jew-a chelek Elokah mima'al and it greatly effects the whole creation. The source of the action is at the highest level of Machshava, which makes it extremely powerful (in the greatest sense of the word). [The Nefesh Hachayim explains this at length.] But when you're always fighting against it with all your might, and the menuval just managed this one time to get the upper hand, then it's like a "maaseh kof" (an action of a monkey) the menuval just used your body but the main parts of you were not involved.
The real test is, to get back up as fast as possible and to learn the maximum that you can from the experience. If you do that, then the fall becomes nothing but a stepping stool to becoming a true Tzadik!! As the pasuk says "Rabos ra'os Tzadik" - from the many "ra'os" you become a Tzadik!

I want to tell you that I went around for 25 years thinking that I have a problem with self control. It was only recently that I realized that my self control is way above average. (When you're always fighting the addiction/drive, your self control gets a whole lot of exercise!)

The problem is not at all with your self control, the problem is with the power of the addiction. And the only solution is to fight it consistently and completely. Behavior patterns and thought patterns, can not be changed suddenly. It takes thought, diligence and never giving up. It also takes a lot of Siyata Dishmaya, so be sure to daven as much as you can.

It says in Seforim Hakidoshim that when one is doing a Mitzvah it's an Eis Ratzon for Tefilah. It's obvious that the greater the Mitzvah is, the greater the Eis Ratzon is. There can't possibly be a greater Mitzvah, than breaking out from this addiction! There can't be a greater Kiddush Hashem than this! Especially in your situations. So now is the time to daven your heart out!!!

The following is an answer to someone who "taine'd" that in our generation we don't have bechira in this area.

WHO CARES IF YOU HAVE BECHIRA OR NOT! THE MENUVAL WANTS YOUR BLOOD, HE WANTS TO SEE YOU DEAD!

AND THIS DANGER IS SO MUCH MORE  SERIOUS, THAN PHYSICAL DANGER! HE WANTS TO DESTROY YOUR ETERNITY!

IT'S SUPER PIKUACH NEFESH! SCREAM! TAKE ACTION!

THERE'S NO WAY IN THE WORLD THAT YOU CAN LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

But remember: An addiction is a destructive behavior pattern; Worry, depression and the like, are destructive thought patterns. These patterns get deeply ingrained and can't be changed overnight. You need a strategy - a game plan. With perseverance - and only with perseverance - you can change the way you think and the way you act/react. Once you succeed, you will become a much higher quality person, and then you'll understand (at-least partially) why Hashem put you through this.

Sometimes I wondered, how could it be that Hashem -Who is "Sonei Zima"- is letting the world sink to such a low level and get so flooded with tumah "Kamayim layom michasim".
We all know that the situation described in the Gemoroh (Berochos 32a) about which Eliyahu Hanavi said "Ma ya'aseh haben shelo yecheta" is nothing, compared to growing up in this generation. So if Hashem is Sonei Zima, how can He allow this to happen???

BUT WHEN I SEE WHAT THE  CHEVRA HERE ARE DOING, THE QUESTION DISSAPEARS. IT'S CLEARLY OBVIOUS,

THAT FOR SUCH A HUMONGOUS BOMBASTIC KIDUSH HASHEM - FOR SUCH AN EXTERME, UNPRECEDENTED LEVEL

OF SHECHINA BATACHTONIM OF-COURSE IT'S WORTH IT!

BECAUSE THAT'S THE MAIN PURPOSE OF CREATION AND OF-COURSE IT'S DOCHEH ALL OTHER CONSIDERATIONS!!!

I want to share with you all, a powerful vort from R' Tzvi Meir.
In kedusha -which we say 4 times a day, we praise Hashem with the words of the malachim. We know that in the upper worlds the saying of kedusha is a very major and central event, so let's take a close look at what we, and the malachim, say:
"Kadosh...Hashem, miloh chol ha'aretz kivodo". Keep in mind that the malachim have a much better view than us. They know that there are a tremendous amount of worlds out there. And even within this world, Aretz -the earth- is pathetically small compared to the whole universe. So what kind of praise is this, that the whole earth is full of kivod hashem? The more you think about it, the more ridiculous it seems! If you were to praise the president of the U.S. that he rules over a whole neighborhood, or even a whole building, it still wouldn't be nearly as ridiculous!

THE ANSWER IS, THAT THE ULTIMATE PRAISE OF HASHEM -THE ULTIMATE KIDUSH HASHEM, IS WHEN HIS KAVOD IS SEEN IN THE LEAST LIKELY PLACE,

WHICH, OF COURSE, IS THIS DARK WORLD WHICH IS FULL OF TUMAH!

AND IT FOLLOWS, THAT THE EPITOME OF THIS ULTIMATE FORM OF KIDUSH HASHEM IS, OF COURSE, IN THE DARKEST PARTS OF THIS WORLD!

THESE GREAT TZADIKIM  FIND THEMSELVES ENTRENCHED IN THE GRIP OF TUMAH ITSELF -BE'IMKEI HAKLIPOS,

AND THEY GO AND FIGHT HASHEM'S BATTLE --OVER THERE BE'IMKEI HAKLIPOS.       THEY REVEAL HASHEMS GLORY

IN THE MIDST OF THE DARKEST DARK OF ALL DARKS. THIS IS THE GREATEST AND MOST PERFECT KIDUSH HASHEM THAT CAN POSSIBLY BE!!!

If only we would fully appreciate this, we would be so full of simcha, that the menuval wouldn't be able to get anywhere near us! But at-least let's try our best.

RABOSAI! We were given the monumental mission of revealing the shechina in places and ways that could never been imagined before. Hashem chose us -from all the neshomos of Klal Yisroel- for this mission, because he knew that we can do it. He believes in us, so shouldn't we? And we should be full of pride and simcha, that Hashem chose us for this highly sensitive mission!

R' Tzvi Meir says in the name of tzadikim: It says "Ki seitzei lamilchama....unisonoh Hashem...biyodecha" if you go out to war, then you will win.
But "ki sovo milchomo b'artzecha" if you wait for the war to come to you, then you're in trouble "vihareiosem bachatzotzros"

This is a very big yesod both for the short term and the long term. As far as the short term goes, if you have reason to think there's going to be trouble up ahead, don't wait for it to come. Take initiative, do whatever works for you, lema'an Hashem don't just wait!

An addict (even the most mildly addicted) tends to think of his "world" consisting of "me" and
"the lust". With Hashem being somewhere far away getting "annoyed" and perhaps "frustrated" at me.

From R' Tzvi Meir I learned -and we all can and must learn- that my world consists of Hashem and me.
With the lust trying to get between us, and to interfere with the greatest love-relationship that exists.

One of the greatest obstacles that stop a person from changing, is the notion that it can be done without a lot of investment. We live in the generation of instant results, and we come to expect that whatever needs to happen should happen quickly. (This is a big sugya and this is not the place to elaborate on it) Furthermore, we tend to forget that our whole purpose on this world is to change and improve. We tend to look at any weakness that we have as an "inconvenience" that needs to be gotten out of our way (or ignored) while in reality it's Hashem's personal message to us telling us exactly what He sent us to this world for.

So what happens is, that it usually doesn't even occur to a person to really spend time, energy and "focus" on improvement and particularly on recovery. Hashem tells us "T'na b'ni libcha li" -give me your HEART, it means your whole heart. When Hashem makes it obvious to you what you have to work on, it logically follows that it should be the main focus of your life. But we usually don't get the message. Yes, we try, we may even post on the forum, but often we are not willing or not able to really invest concerted effort. We may even be moser nefesh (as in the story with the freezing cold mikvah) and we may even be contemplating suicide - chas ve'sholom.

But we can only be successful when we except the mission that Hashem has given us, instead of trying to dodge it. And that means to patiently -with yishuv hadaas- invest our "focus", our time and our effort on that mission.
For most people, it may very well be impossible to do that without a group that's concentrating on exactly that. Joining a group is a commitment and at the same time provides an ideal framework for serious focused persistent work.

[This yesod (and the value of working as a group) is one of the many great yesodos that I learned from R' Tvi Meir. After hearing him speak about it a few times, my whole way of thinking began to change. This explains why, the more you post the more success you have.

The following is a reply to Boruch who wrote "...He has to learn that he can no longer be in control. He must serve Hashem, on Hashem's terms, with Hashem being in control and not him..."

Boruch, thank you for this tremendous yesod. Actually, this is one of R' Tvi Meir's biggest yesodos. And he gives a fascinating illustration: We know that many Tzadikim went in to Golus. Obviously, they often ended up in places where they couldn't find what they "needed" for their avodas Hashem. (Like a decent minyan or some basic seforim etc. etc.) But because that golus is what they decided is Ratzon Hashem, they were happy to make-do with what they had.

But they weren't commanded by a navi to do it. There was always some possibility that they were making a mistake, by going to golus. Still, since they had decided that this is the way to go, they were happy to sacrifice many of their most basic ruchniyesdi'ge needs.

Now, if Hashem puts you in to such a less-than -ideal situation, then you can be absolutely 100% certain, that this is exactly what you need. It's just as if a Navi Emes came to you and said "Go in to golus for Hashem has said that that is your avoda and that is what you need for your tikun".

If one thought it is ratzon Hashem that he should (for ex:) learn for a few hours straight on the first day of Chol Hamo'ed, and then it just doesn't work out. He "gets stuck" spending that time doing un-volunteered chesed for his wife or his kids. HE SHOULD REJOICE. Because he was planning on doing what he thought was (=sofek) Ratzon Hashem, and what he ended up doing was Vadai ratzon Hashem. And we have to thank Hashem for letting us know, what it is that we need for our tikun.

Re: Stopping in the middle.
The following is a small sampling, based on the shmooze of Shvi'ee Shel Pesach 5759

The Chozeh Milublin, The Beer Mayim Chaim, R' Hershele of Ziditshov, R' Tzadok Hacohen and other tzadikim said: When a person feels "I blew it already - I messed up this time, and still he doesn't give up, he keeps trying to salvage what he could - ignoring the fact that he already failed (R' Tvi Meir calls it "Kum B'palgus Laila" in the words of the Zohar Hakadosh) then the Nachas Ruach that he makes for Hashem, is greater than, when one is completely successful.

This is the epitome of Shechina Bitochtonim, which we know is the purpose of creation.

It is the greatest form of mesirus nefesh, because it is completely against human nature, as there is no short term satisfaction.

The yesod is hinted to, in parshas Vayishlach. "Vayeiavek ish emo ad alos hashachar" Chazal say "He'elu avak ad kisei hakavod" R' Tzvi Meir says that it means that by this struggle that Yaakov Avinu had with the samech mem, he made the greatest nachas ruach out of the dust of the earth - the lowest situations.
[This is in keeping with the pushut pshat. We don't find any hint in the pasuk that Yaakov overpowered the malach. On the contrary the malach actually wounded him. But just because Yaakov wouldn't give up even after he was wounded, the samech mem was forced to "agree" to the brachos - which is a "siman" to the tikun hashalem that will come through our not giving up]

Perhaps the greatest illustration of this, is by Yoseph Hatzadik. The gemoroh (in sotah 36b) says, that Yoseph actually came in to Potifar's house to sin (as Rashi brings) Then the Gemoroh says that he actually spilled seed at the time, thereby losing Ten Shevatim that were supposed to come from him. And, when after all that, he held back from sinning, he became the Merkava for Midas Hayesod and one of the seven "Royem".

R' Tzadok and other tzadikim explain that this is what really constituted the nisoyon. The menuval said to Yoseph: Don't you see that you already messed everything up. And don't you realize what a goner you are. The Shevatim have already poskined that you are chayav misa, including the Shechina Hakidosha in their Beis Din. [Even Yitzchak Avinu who knew where Yoseph is, didn't tell.] Nobody cares about you any more. You're lost and cut off in this world and the next. And now you failed so badly. Face the facts, it's over!

But Yoseph Hatzadik said no! I don't care about anything - not even about being a tzadik. The only thing that concerns me is: What do I need to do at this moment?  What does Avinu Shebashamaim want from me right now? It was in that zechus that he was zocheh to everything. That is why he is called Hatzaddik. And that is why Krias yam suf was in his zechus as Chazal say "Hayam raah vayonos - ma raah? arono shel Yoseph!"

The Gemoroh says in B"K מבעה זה האדם a person is ratzon. Hashem -who controls absolutely everything, gave us one thing: RATZON, that and nothing else. The more ratzon you have [for ex: to stay clean for 90 days] the more you are living. But if you think that YOU have the ability to control the y"h, then you're in trouble. Letting go doesn't mean c"v to cool off your ratzon. Rather it means to rely totaly on Hashem that HE will give you hatzlochoh!

The result of that is -like the Chovos Halvovos says, מנוחת נפש הבוטח -total calmness. The y'h and especialy the addiction thrives on stress. But once you have bitachon he's a goner, because not only does the stress dissapear but you actually automaticly get the siyata dishmaya that you need.

[the fact that you're an addict obviously gives you a blanket פטור from being mashgiach on everyone else's problems. You just have to explain to the y"h that Hashem has other people to take care of these things; you have an official exemption.]