Chevra


And here's another exchange between one of you Shipmates and me as he faces the stuggle of Step 4.


Please skip my reply and first read his super insightful email.  Then my reply. 


And please let me know if you can relate.


Looking FORWARD
Duvid Chaim


Begin forwarded message:


From: Duvid Chaim <duvidchaim@gmail.com>
Date: December 7, 2009 12:22:28 PM PST
To: A Fellow Shipmate
Subject: Re: End of Week 7 - It's a Thorny Subject!!


Dear Shipmate


Or maybe you've hit the bullseye on the target!  For You.


And that's what makes this Step so powerful. Because in the Process, we are going to learn a whole lot about ourselves and our Perspectives and Priorities in life.


Just look at how brilliantly and thoroughly you tore your question apart - peeled the layers of the onion off - until you could find the Core Truth (for you).


As your Sponsor, (or the Wizard of Oz) I am not all-powerful or all-seeing. I am only here to facilitate you on your journey Home! 


"There's no place like Home. There's no place like home!" 


And just like Dorothy and her friends found out on their own - to be told this secret by the Wiz would not have been as useful for each character on his/her Journey - YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ANSWER INSIDE OF YOU TO THE FUNDAMENTAL QUESTION "HOW DO I GET HOME?!"


So please continue working the 4th Step. Rip it apart, layer by layer, peel by peel.


And don't complain to me if you Cry. Didn't I already tell you that we were peeling apart an ONION?! 


Treasure each and every one of those tears!  You earned them.  They will wash your eyes and give you greater Clarity. 


These aren't salty tears. These are sweet tears - for they may be the first real tears you've ever cried; the first time you have ever feeled.  These are the kind of tears that call out to and  get the attention of Tatty!


He's not expecting you to have all the answers. He is just waiting for you to call out to Him and tell Him that you want Him to hold your hand on this journey to SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.


Looking FORWARD,
Duvid Chaim   

On Dec 5, 2009, at 1:19 PM, a fellow Shipmate wrote:


hi -

I'm stuck again.

got through the affects sections - I see how all my past resentments affect all the various aspects of life.

I'm stuck on Scared of Loss -

one of my resentments was against very attractive young ladies -
why ?

could it be because their attractiveness takes away from my "All Powerful" attention seeking Ego.
But I cannot seem to figure out how this relates to a Scared of Loss.

I'm really trying to get it -
but have not hit upon anything yet.

I don't know these young ladies -
never had any contact with them. Cannot even claim a loss of social contact...in addition to being frummies, they also speak hebrew so I woudl have nothing to say to them any way. (my hebrew is not so good - certainly not up to flirt level)

They are just what they are.

Am I afraid of never having the chance to be with them?
physically, socially?

I don't think so - I don't find myself desiring them, or thinking about them sexually -
its actually just the opposite - I resent them for being so attractive - more like hating and being angry with them.

and with this - only thing I could think of is because their attractiveness takes away from ME (ME ME ME ME )
Am I scared of losing ME - or a part of ME??

ok - so I decided to try a different angle...what do you think about this...

WATER is calm and tranquil...represents the middah of GIVING
FIRE is raging, angry and all consuming (even to the point of being self-consuming) - represents the middah of TAKING

so if I was on fire (which I feel like sometimes when I was being irritable) -
and something was in my way which I was scared of - or afraid if...what would it be.

WATER - or something similar.
why - because as Fire, I would not be able to consume them, and the water would extinguish me and put me out.

ok - so what does a young attractive frum girl represent -
self-confident, calm, mature, friendly, good-middot

which are all the things which are opposite of a raging all consuming FIRE, that wants to take, and control (and destroy)

so what do you think - am I scared of NOT being able to Consume and Control them?
Am I Scared of Losing the Fuel for my raging inner fire?

Am I Scared of Losing myself - by being in the presence of their giving (WATER) like nature - which will extinguish ME??

sorry - but that is the best I can do.

I cannot think of anything else which might be even close to a feeling of Scared of Loss.
(there is no loss of money, physical, success, etc)

maybe I am just missing something - becacuse I just dont get it..

Shavuah Tov

Your Shipmate










On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 6:23 AM, David Hoffman <david.h.hoffman@gmail.com> wrote:

Chevra

The Captain was sensing an uprising on the Boat today - almost a real Mutiny!!

And how could I be surprised?  Just look at the Crew I'm dealing with - always wanting immediate answers to all their questions - full of doubt - full of fear and full of mistrust. 

On the other hand how can I argue with them?  Look at what I'm asking them to do.  Mopping the deck and scrubbing the mess hall is easy compared to this 4th Step work.

Yes, it's a Thorny Subject - this grueling "fact-finding and fact-facing."  You didn't know what you signed up for when you joined my Navy!

And just like falling into a cactus, when we face our Resentments, we have to pull out all of the thorns and splinters - the big ones and yes the little tiny very annoying ones. 

You might even need a pair of tweezers to get all of them out - because if you leave even one in, it becomes not only a life long nuisance - but it will also get infected.

And who are we doing this for?

Not just for you, the grown up - the addicted and scared adult.  But mainly for the ever so precious Inner Child.  Who has been crying out all his life just to have a voice.  Because up to now, his only way to get your attention was to act out.

Well now's your chance to get to know your inner child again, to let him come out into the light.  He's standing at the edge of the pool - waiting for you to open your arms and let him jump in - to a safe and loving place.

So - JUMP!

Looking FORWARD,
Duvid Chaim

PS - please see the attached and print it out.  This will be used by Shimi on Monday and Elya on Tuesday for the reading and discussion.

PSS - The Captain is going to miss his brave Crew - and might even shed a tear (behind the patch over his eye!)