Chevra


I wanted to share an exchange that should answer some of your questions. Start the reading below my reply to this unnamed participant.


Maybe someone can read this outloud during the Call.


I will miss y'all. And I know Shimi is going to be great.


Just trust the process !


Looking FORWARD
DUVID CHAIM


Begin forwarded message:


From: Duvid Chaim <duvidchaim@gmail.com>
Date: December 4, 2009 8:18:31 AM PST
>TO UN NAMED SHIPMATE
Subject: Re: Like the Love between David and Jonathan


Imagine that you owe the bank a million dollars and you don't see any way to pay it back. As it is, the bank really owns your home, your car, everything you think is yours. When you get down to it, really the bank OWNS YOU!


Well the Bank is the PAST. Like all addicts beginning the Program, for as long as we hide from the past, it doesn't go away and it always haunts us. It feeds our Resentments, Anger, Jealousy and Fears.   It owns you.


What if your Father came to you and said "I want to get you out of debt, every last penny of it. You just need to give me a complete accounting of all your debts and I will clear your books once and for all." You might reply "Father, that's a lot of money. I couldn't possibly ask you to take on this burden." And He replies back, "Don't worry my dear child. Your Father is extremely wealthy and because I love you so much, I want to do this for you!"


Well I hope by now that you know who your Father is. And the 4th Step is the process of accounting He needs you to do to clear away your past.


And if this Process will generate some pain along the way, it's OK. For any cleansing process in life requires some washing away. Perhaps for the first time in your life, you are learning to "feel."


The Program is giving us the opportunity to break the prison gates that tell us "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel."


In fact, I bet when your done, instead of being "crasy" for a few weeks, I promise you that you will feel a huge freedom. Freedom from the Debt. You will own yourself again and finally feel your Father's abundant love!


You shouldn't wait to do this with a therapist. As Hillel said, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?  If I am for myself alone, who am I?  And if not NOW, when?!


Looking FORWARD
Duvid Chaim


Ps - please call me.      







Hi ,
I was on the call today, but didn't have access then. I think Im ok with all the steps till now, but Im a bit confused about step 4. I also have a lot of childhood memories that are just locked away (like tomim said). I'm not sure if bringing them up will be good for me. I might just be crasy for the next few weeks, at  least. A few weeks ago I just went onto a website of ppl who are dealing with a similiar situation and I was moody, tense the whole day.. It took me a while to get the connection.
I will be seeing a therapist one of these days. Should I wait and do it with him? Basically, even if I do it by myself, how much can I gain? The form just asks you to write who u have resentment against. which would be lots of people and the cause I can think of a brief answer right now. I don't have to go  into memories or thinking about it in order to answer the questions. But what would be the point?
I know you said you'll be gone the next few days, sojust answer when you could.
Thank you so much
UN NAMED SHIPMATE


On Thu, Dec 3, 2009 at 4:34 PM, Duvid Chaim <duvidchaim@gmail.com> wrote:

Chevra:

I felt that I had to share with you a post written by Steve today to Tomim; based on his empathy for what Tomim shared with the Group today.

Like the love between David and Jonathan is pure and from the heart, so is Steve's expression of love and concern.

It gives me tremendous pride to see how our Shipmates have created such affection and support for one another.

Looking FORWARD to even more,
Duvid Chaim

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Here's the post from Steve to Tomim:

Tomim "Who Is" - I think you're well past "2B",

I agree with DC that you were very brave to be so honest about your past experiences and memory blockage. I don't know if you were still on the call at the end when I asked DC if it would be dangerous for you to work on the spread sheet if it would retraumatize you when you succeed to whatever degree in opening those memories again. He said no, it is not dangerous, and cited knowledge of his own experiences with over 50 sponsees, as well as direct answers from his own sponsor to similar questions.

Please speak to him again privately if you need chizuk or clarity on this. Certainly just do the best you can, as we all will.

I really feel for you. I also have lost memories, to a lesser extreme, and not from trauma but from working to forget my embarrassment over public and private failures and disgrace, and the acting out and other things I'm not proud of that followed. For me to revisit those times in my life will force me to face those times in which I resent my own self, which I am not looking forward to, but if it means freedom I will jump to do it. And I will pray that HKB"H grant me back the GOOD memories of those times which got washed away with the BAD ones.

For example, I felt like a failure as a parent when I could not learn with my son without it breaking down into a fight. All those years I tried, until we stopped trying and I felt locked out of his life in the middle of Cheder, and on to High School too. So I blocked those memories because they were so painful, but didn't realize how many good memories I lost with them until I was looking thru pictures for his 8th grade yearbook. The school had asked for pictures of him from birth till then. I looked at these pictures and cried my eyes out, because I COULDN'T REMEMBER WATCHING HIM GROW UP. It was like looking at pictures of some else's kid. I cried because I couldn't use the photo as a jumping off point to think "hey I remember doing such&such with him" at that age. It was like 9 years of my life were empty, and here he was at 14 years old AND I MISSED IT!

Maybe, just maybe, I can get those memories back if I can get rid of the "cactus needles/thorns/splinters" around them.

I will daven for you, too, that you be able to recall the good, happy memories of your past. Together, instead of breaking the whole barrel, you and I will surgically remove only the snake, the monsters that own us. May we rid our lives forever from them, and feel whole and complete with the goodness of ourselves that will remain.

Kein Yehi Ratzon, Tomim. Kein Yehi Ratzon.

Your Friend,

Steve.

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And here is my response to both Steve and Tomim.  I believe this issue has allowed us to learn a great deal about the power of the 4th Step:

Steve and Tomim

I am overwhelmed by Steve's comments to you, Tomim.  And how much love and concern the members have for one another.

Yes, Tomim demonstrated such bravery and honesty, I know that we were all inspired and uplifted.  Tomim said this not just for himself, but it was something that we all needed to hear; as I'm sure that it is an issue that is shared by more than one on the call.

Steve - you too demonstrated what it means to be "real" and willing to share the pain of your past.  Wow, how I feel for you and relate to how I have swept so many things from my past; sweeping away the memories of the good along with the bad.

Tomim - please TRUST the process.  It works and is the KEY to your (and all our) FREEDOM.

You will find that in fact IT IS the Process will take you to the inner most chambers of the Palace.  And soon, you will come to appreciate that even in our darkest hour from the darkest moments of the past, that G-d too was there by our side.  And while we may not understand it, HE DID and HE determined that that is what is best for us at that moment.

Let's fact it, either you believe that it's ALL G-d All the time or you don't.  So while you may have had to endure some terrible stuff in your past, you can't let go of G-d.  And you can't second guess His Reasons.

Just remember, that from pain, there is growth.

If you were the first person in the world to introduce exercise, we would have thought you were nuts and a sadistic SOB.  But we know better.

I know that you can do this 4th Step and that you can face the Pain and Grow from it!!

Looking FORWARD,
Duvid Chaim