Chevra

I have a confession to share with you.  I LOVE SPEED.

You can strap two pieces of 4 inch wide and 5 foot long pieces of wood on my feet and I'll become a downhill racer on the ski slopes.  Why make nice wide turns across the side of the mountain, when you can point your tips downhill and reach the speed of sound?

I'm not satisfied with a 4 cylinder gas efficient automobile.  Instead give me 8 cylinders of gas guzzling 400 horsepower and let me loose on the long straight stretches of the wide open Texas highways.

Don't even think of giving me your golf clubs and ask me to walk the gentle and manicured greens of a luxurious golf course.  Instead give me a titanium racket with strings wound to 90 pounds and put me in a small square room with a dense blue ball and let me whiz across the racquetball court like a mosquito - annihilating my opponent.

You're probably familiar with the "New York Minute."  Well, I could take a power nap in one of those!

in⋅san⋅i⋅ty  /ɪnˈs?nɪti/ [in-san-i-tee]
1. the condition of being insane; a derangement of the mind.
2. unsoundness of mind.
3. extreme folly; senselessness; foolhardiness.


That's how the Big Book describes the "absurd and incomprehensible" behavior and choices we addicts make.

Like the individual on page 37 who has "a passion for jaywalking."  How foolish can that be?!

On Tuesday we'll see clearly how the insanity of the addict is played out in Fred's Story.

Until then, please remember to memorize your "Tombstone" as your Guiding Light.  Use it to measure all your actions and soon you will come to realize great success in all your affairs.

Looking FORWARD
Duvid Chaim

Duvid Chaim,

Today's call (Tues. - Week 5 Day 2) was the most eye-openning Call for me yet. I just HAD to stop working for a moment and post this.

If I may paraphrase your amazing revelation:

"Being on guard against lust (my words now: by conciously avoiding it via willpower, or putting in place Some Mechanisms Of Guard - roshei teivos "SMOG" - like filters, etc.) is NOT Recovery." True Recovery is the "Living in Tranquility without RID", so that the underlying real cause of the "lust need" is removed from my life.

THIS IS IT FOR ME. I've only been fooling myself. If being on guard can not ultimately save me, then I really am powerless against this addiction. I know I am at Step 1 now. And I thank G-d and "y'all" for sparing me from hittng bottom before I got there!

The ending of this call was so cathartic for me. (BTW, the first definition, not the second). The emotion in your voice echoed the wounds and unfulfilled dreams hidden in my heart. I so want to get into recovery, it hurts. I WANT that LIFE you descibed so beautifully, a life without the shame, anger and self hate and pain that stares back at me from the mirror. A life of shalom bayis where my children and my wife feel totally comfortable around me, and they don't see any spectre of "something" separating us from an easy comfort with eachother. A life where I can feel connected to my Tatty in Shomayim every day, maybe even every moment. A life of dedication to people, to help make their lives better.

Simply put, I WANT A LIFE.

Please, my dear fellow members of this heilege Chevra, let's all accept it once and for all. Being on guard is not the real solution. It never was, and it never will be. Let's all move forward together. LET'S ALL GET A LIFE!!

Your teary-eyed friend,

Steve.

WOW

Steve, that was the most inspiring post ive read here. I was on the call and I kno exactly what you mean when you heard it in DC's voice. Thanks for the chizuk.

-INH