Hey Guys,
I was thinking that it would really help me if in addition to all the hard work we all put into the handbooks, attitudes, fighting the urge etc.... we would have a place to go to get some quick Chizuk from the greatest source of Chizuk - the Torah itself.
I am hereby inviting all to read, reply, post, comment etc... about a Dvar Torah from that week's Parsha each week, specifically geared towards our particular struggle. By reading, we will get Chizuk that we will think about through the week and remind ourselves of it when listening to the Parsha on Shabbos. By posting, it will force us to THINK Torah thoughts about our struggle, which may help keep us focused. I will attempt to write the first and May Hashem help us to get the chizuk we need to succeed in our battles with the YH.
Please Note: I reiterate. Torah study is Not the only answer. Once we have graduated to the status of "addict", we need more powerful tools and attitudes to reverse ourselves. However I feel that in addition to that, the Torah can provide that extra measure of chizuk that can make all the difference.
Hatzlacha!!!!


In this week's Parsha we find many different essential Halachos on a plethora of different topics. One of the most famous is the Pasuk of "Midevar Sheker Tirchak" - to stay far away from falsehood. It is (one of) the only times that the Torah tells us to stay "Far away" from an Aveira. (incidentally another is when the Torah says not to come close to Erva). Why is it that specifically by sheker are we warned to stay far away!! What's so bad about sheker?
Unfortunately,here at GYE, we know all about the dangers of sheker. When we first began our problems, it is almost a guarantee that we would never have began if we would have been forced to reveal our actions to all who knew us. But we were able to hide it. Which allowed it to grow. And grow. And grow. Even now as we suffer, we constantly look for private time to "fall" because it is so much easier.
If in fact it is sheker that can lead to the worst falls spiraling out of control, then it just may be that Emes is our ticket to freedom. I know that one of the greatest feeling I've experienced was the day I was liberated from my prison and I was able to finally express openly my struggles. I can now work to improve, knowing that I will have to answer honestly to my wife, (who is very supportive) and my GYE buddies. Emes is the way to go.
I want to end with one last thought. The most important aspect of Emes is being true to YOURSELF. We are all better than we have acted. We all have betrayed our TRUE SELVES, to act like someone we are not. Let's be honest to ourselves and let the True "US" shine through.
OK. That's what I got for this week. I hope this topic will stimulate some thought and help us in our Milchemes Hashem.
Good Shabbos.

I wanted to just add one more thing I just heard tonight. In Perek 22 Posuk 25 it says "And you will serve Hashem your G-d, and He will give you bread and water, and He will remove all disease from among you. When we read or hear this Posuk we have to know that the key to our success is in the word "Va'avadtem - and you should serve". Proportionate to the amount that we dedicate ourselves to be slaves to Hashem, Hashem will remove "all diseases" from us - both the physical as well as the spiritual. It's up to us to dedicate ourselves, and then Hashem will do the rest.
Good Shabbos!!
PS, I want to read too. Not just post :D

The passuk tells us "rak shivto yitein verapo yerapei," Rav Gamliel Rabinovitch,  shlita, explains these words by way of remez. The letters of the word shivto spells out v'shavta referring to the great significance of our guarding and watching the holy Shabbos.

Even if a person is soiled from all of his sins and aveiros to the degree that he is considered "sick" spiritually, he just has to shivto yitein - give shivto, meaning, give himself over for Shabbos - to guard the Shabbos and act on this holy day as  best as he can. Then, in that merit, it will be fulfilled with him verapo yerapei - he will be totally healed and cured from his "ailments." Indeed, Shabbos is in  a certain respect equal to all mitzvos (Shemos Rabbah 25:12). Also, he adds, the reason the Torah wrote the word shivto in the singular and not plural, is as a personal invitation to each and every one of us individually, on his or her level, where he or she is holding, to watch and guard the Shabbos as best as each individual can.

Beautiful Vort ZS. It will really enhance my Shabbos going forward.
Just to add to that, it says Ki Eshmera Shabbos E-l Yishmeraini. So it would stand to reason that Hashem will protect us not only physically but spiritually as well in the Zechus of Keeping His Shabbos.

Parshas Terumah
I just tonight heard a beautiful shtikle from this week's Parsha that's very appropo. Both the Yeriyos on top of the Mishkan, as well as the Paroches curtain by the entrance to the Kodesh HaKodashim had the same materials used for threads. They were - linen, blue wool, purple wool, and red wool. There was a difference however. By the Yeriyos it puts them in this order - white (linen), blue, purple, then red. By the Paroches it is in a different order - blue, purple, red, and then white. Why the switch?
I heard bshem Rav Dovid Feinstein that it depends on where the materials were being used. When on top, it represents the Shamayim. When our Neshamos come down they are white. Then they begin to get "dirty" down here with our wrong doings. First a little dirty (blue) then more dirty (purple) and then R"L filthy (red). Therefore on the top they are in that order - white, blue, purple, red. But when a person is coming in to "clean" himself, he comes in first with the dirt, and only after is he Zoche to turn white. That's why by the Paroches we have white last.
The problem is that it should have been in complete reverse order when entering the Mishkan - red, purple, blue, and then white. Why start from the middle, and end at the begining? Rav Dovid said that the answer is like Chazal say "Haba letaher mesayin oso". Since you want to improve, you are automatically upgraded immediately.
I wanted to add my own addition which I think is vitally important. Even though Hashem helps us when we so much as want to come back, it won't be easy. Many times we feel like we are finally moving in the right direction when we get blind-sided by the YH. We think it's not fair. Every time things start going well, they get much harder once again!! The Torah is hinting to us that it is not only fair, it is by design. The only way to know if something is really strong is by trying to break it. If you can't, then it's strong. If you can, then make it stronger. Hashem is testing us to see how strong we are. But if we withstand all the tests, we will suddenly feel liberated and things will finally start to run more smoothly.
That's why it's in that order. We want to improve, so Hashem helps - blue. But then the YH challenges us - first purple, and then maybe even red. But if we "keep trucking" we will pass these 2 stages and hit paydirt when we end off - white.
Don't quit when it gets hard!!! There is a "white" at the end of the tunnel!!!
Hatzlocha!!

I heard a good one from an extremely big, but not all that well known Rosh Yeshiva.

Why was Yosef's big test Aishes Potifar?

Yosef's mission was to spread and express his father Yaakov's core middah of Emmes.  Emmes itself can be isolated from the world at large, but spreading Emmes requires contact with all kinds of outside forces.

In order to spread Emmes, Yosef needed to have the ability to stand up to all the impurity and sheker out there.  Controlling himself with Aishes Potifar was the ultimate test of his ability to be close to negative influences, but keep his barriers strong.  His success  developing this middah allowed him to spread Emmes to places of impurity.

To add my own observation, I think you can see an interesting parallel with HIV/AIDS.  The disease is (mostly, with some very sad exceptions) spread through societal breakdown in proper relationships.  Once it is let in through that breakdown, it destroys the victim's ability to resist the harmful outside influences that constantly assault us (germs etc). 

If we were all locked away in environments of perfect kedusha all of our lives, guarding our eyes wouldn't be necessary, but because to a greater or lesser extent we need to come in contact with schmutz in order to spread kedushah, we need to strengthen ourselves and follow in Yosef's footsteps. 

Beautiful!! What an insight!!
Just to connect that to this week's Parsha, it's interesting that when Hashem commanded Moshe and Betzalel to build the Mishkan, he first told him to build the Kelim, and only afterwards to build the structure. Why? Shouldn't you put up the building first and then furnish it? Even more problematic is that when it was actually built in Vayakhel, Moshe did the opposite!! He first told Betzalel to build the structure and only afterwards to build the Keilim? What's going on?
We could say that of course Hashem wanted the structure to be built first. But He wanted us to know that IT IS NOT THE STRUCTURE THAT IS IMPORTANT, IT IS WHAT'S INSIDE THAT COUNTS. Of course build the structure first. But know that it is all for the purpose of the Kelim - what's inside.
In order to affect people - or like you said in Yosef's case, the world at large - we first must work on what's inside us. and then be Mashpia from the inside out. Every one of our personal internal struggles, will make us better friends, husbands, teachers, and people.
So we work slowly. One step at a time. From the inside out.
Hatzlocha!!

Parshas Tetzaveh.
The Medrash explains how each of the Begadim that were worn by the Kohen Gadol was a Kapara for a different Aveira. 2 of them were the Michnasayim and the Tzitz. The Gemora says the Michnasayim were mechaper on the aveira of Arayos, and the Tzitz was mechaper on "Gasus Haruach" which means being haughty. The Kli Yakar says something interesting. He says that the tzitz was also a Kapar for Arayos. But the difference was that the michnasayim were a Kapara for Arayos in a hidden way, and the tzitz was for Arayos out in the open - brazenly - for this goes into the category of Gasus Haruach. This is also indicated by the fact that the Tzitz was worn out in the open, and the Michnasayim were worn hidden under the other garments.
How were these begadim a Kapara for different Aveiros?
I believe the answer is, when we show Hashem that we are truly interested in doing Teshuva, that is the greatest Kapara. One of the best ways to stop ourselves from doing an aveira that we have become accustomed to is to set ourselves reminders in obvious places to prevent us from slipping up. By wearing these Begadim in these locations, the Kohel Gadol reminded us to control our YH in these areas, and that is a real step towards overcoming our Nisyonos.
The location of those 2 Begadim is very significant. There are 2 aspects to this addiction. The thought process - reading, seeing, thinking... - and the physical aspects... By wearing a Beged on the head, it is to remind us to control our thoughts, and the Beged on the Guf is to remind us to control our physical urges.
Everybody must set up their own reminders in their own places, in their own style, geared specifically towards their own YH. And we must know and remember that BY TAKING REAL STEPS TOWARDS FIXING THE PROBLEMS, WE ARE ALREADY EARNING A MEASURE OF KAPARA.
Just to end on a side note. When we wear our Tefillin - by our hearts and on our heads - it is also for the purpose of controlling our desires and our thoughts. It would not be a bad idea to use the time when we are wearing our Tefillin to ask Hashem for some extra help in our struggles.
Hatzlocha!!

Beautiful!

I just want to add one thought about wearing tefillin, even though it isn't really on the parsha - I hope that's ok. It is already known that tefillin is, in a sense, a commitment that we make to HaKadosh Baruch Hu both with our intellect (shel rosh) and our actions (shel yad).

R Yosef Ber Soloveitchik famously asks why we say "baruch shem kvod" after making the bracha on the shel rosh. It cannot possibly be simply because we are choshesh for bracha l-vatala (as the Mishna Berurah explains). This is because we have a din of safek brachos l-hakel and if we really thought there was a possibility that we shouldn't make the bracha of "al mitzvas tefillin" then we simply wouldn't make it! R Yosef Ber answers in a really deep way.

He says that wearing tefillin, the shel yad and shel rosh together, transfers each one of us into a different human being - someone who is wearing the crown of torah on his head with the words of HaKadosh Baruch Hu by his heart. It is our knee-jerk reaction, immediately upon this complete transformation, to proudly proclaim "Baruch Shem K-vod Malchuso L-olam Va-ed."

The vort is that our goal here on GYE is not just to restrain ourselves from dirty thoughts or to hold ourselves back from improper action - it's to be an entirely different person. It's to be a cheftza shel kedusha that really has divrei Hashem on our hearts and in our minds. Every morning when we put on tefillin we should realize that that moment proves that each of us has the potential to undergo that transformation and to truly become walking sifrei torah. We should all be zoche, upon reaching 90 days (or whenever that transformation comes) to proudly sing the words "Baruch Shem Kevod Malchuso L-Olam Va-ed."

I love this thread. Please keep posting.

Parshas Ki Sisa

First I'd like to thank Hashem for helping me until this point. I am finding that posting these Divrei Toarh and knowing that people are reading them is helping me tremendously. If you do read them, I would appreciate comments and feedback - positive or negative. Thanks!!

This week's Parsha is a very important one for us at GYE. It is the Parsha of "Falling and getting back up again". Anybody here ever experience that?! 
Bnei Yisroel just left Mitzrayim. They saw Krias Yam Suf. They defeated Amalek. How could they possibly fall so far and so low as to worship the Egel? There are many explanations as to what exactly they were trying to do. But either way it was a grievous sin. The purpose of this Dvar Torah is not to analyze how they fell. It is rather to analyze what happened after they fell.
Moshe goes up to shamayim to beg for mechila. Rabbi Reisman points out in this wonderful tape www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Music/mus/ShiurYesodos.mp3 (if you haven't heard it yet please do so asap. It's a life changer!!) that Moshe actually told Hashem that the Yidden were not at fault since they were an Oness. "You took them from slavery, gave them more gold and riches then they have ever seen in their lives, and then take away their leader? Of course they will sin!!" Now we can't say things like that. We are not on that level. But we do see that there is a concept of falling to a nisayon that we could not have passed!! Hashem said "Salachti Kidvarecha" which means that on some level He was maskim to Moshe's claim. Why then does Hashem test us?
One answer is to see how we will react to the failure. Another possibility is to teach us and prepare us for what lies ahead. They are both true.

At this point in our addiction we really don't have the Bechira to cut the cord with lust forever and never fall again. That is beyond us now. Therefore, it stands to reason, that a fall that comes now is virtually an Oness. So does that mean we are free to do as we wish? Of course not!!! Our Nisayon is to see if we commit ourselves to work through our struggles towards an eventual goal of complete sobriety. Yes - if we are doing all we can to achieve our ultimate goal, then the pitfalls on the way can be overlooked. But it is our responsibility to pick up the broken pieces of those pitfalls and live to fight another day.
And in conclusion, we find that when they did that, they were immediately given the instructions to build the mishkan so that "Veshachanti Besocham". When we commit to do it right and plow on towards our goal, Hashem doesn't just forgive us. He grabs us to Him and loves us like he did before.
May we be Zoche to earn and feel His love ALWAYS!!!!
Hatzlocha!

Beautiful thread! Thank you.

Parshas Vayakhel - Part #1

This Dvar Torah goes out specifically to all those married folks out there, but can be helpful for the rest of you as well. I will post it in 2 parts. The first for all folks, and the second primarily for the married variety.

At the beginning of this week's Parsha we find Moshe Rabeinu gathering the Jews together to speak to them. When he is finished, the Torah tells us that the Yidden left "Milifnei Moshe" - from before Moshe. Why was it necessary for the Torah to say where they left from? Isn't it obvious?

Rav Elya Lopian says a beautiful concept here. He explains that when they left from before Moshe, it was obvious to all who saw them that they had been before Moshe. It was evident on their faces. In their behavior. From their attitude. They were affected positively by being in Moshe's presence. That is why the Torah tells us where they left from.

There are 2 lessons we can learn from here which are both very important for our recovery from the addiction.

The first is the power and effect our surroundings can have on us. We all know that we are influenced by the people around us. But sometimes, it is in a way that we won't even realize that it happened. We may get a sudden urge to do the right thing, or Chas Veshalom the wrong one, and we have no idea that it is our surroundings which are causing the change in us. While in recovery mode, it is vitally important to pay attention to the situations that we find ourselves in. If we notice that a particular time, or specific group of people are having an influence on us, we must take note of it - to either stay away from it, or to cling to it. The affect that our surroundings have on us can not be overstated.

Stay tuned for the second lesson...........

Reb Yid wrote on 20 Feb 2011 23:42:


This is what Rashi says in Parshas Bamidbar (3:38) that in the Midbar, the Degel Machneh Yehuda which consisted of the Shevatim Yehuda, Yesaschar & Zevulin were next to Moshe & Aharon.

Tov l'tzadik v'tov l'shcheino! Because they were near Moshe who toiled in Torah, they too were influenced and they became gedolim in Torah!

BUT! Shevet Reuvein was near Korach, therefore Dasan, Aviram, & another 250 men dragged into the machlokes!  Oiy l'rasha c'oiy l'shcheino!  (3:29)

Reb Yid wrote on 20 Feb 2011 23:42:


Parshas Vayakhel - Part #2
The second is a little scarier. We may not realize the effect our surroundings have on us, but the Pasuk is showing us that others most certainly do. As a Kollel Yungerman, without my saying a word my wife always knew how my seder went that day. It was evident on my face. In my mannerisms. In my attitude. If I did or didn't Daven well, it was the same thing. It is true that women have a certain ability to do that ( they call it "intuition"), but it is not only women who have this "power". Anybody can see it. So let's apply this concept. When we spend time doing what we shouldn't - and we all know what that means - can it be that everybody knows what we've done? Is there really a sign plastered on our faces saying "Rasha here! Stay away!"? Obviously it is not that severe. But there is definitely an indication that something is not right. So when we think that we are effectively hiding our misdeeds, we are in fact broadcasting them to the world, to a certain extent. Now, here's where it gets a little deeper. We can all agree that the first step to recovery is acknowledging the problem. Not hiding anymore. Facing it head on. But it is very hard to admit our failures, so we may try to hide it, which is the most destructive thing you can do. But if we realize that we can't effectively hide it because it is evident on our faces, if that is not enough of an incentive to prevent the misdeed, it should be enough to at least help us to admit, acknowledge, and put it behind us. This is exponentially truer by us married folks. Whether we admit it or not, our wives know what's going on. My wife did not know the extent of what I was doing until recently. Yet, once I revealed it to her, she was able to tell me exactly when I was doing the wrong thing!! At the time she didn't understand what was happening, but she knew something was wrong.
Ok. Here's the important part. If your wife will know anyway, why keep her out of your recovery progress, and let her figure it out anyway, if you can bring her in, use her support, and earn her respect.
And one last thing. Just like she will know when you are failing, your success determination and progress will be evident as well, which will help her to understand and realize how hard you are working, and remind her of what a wonderful husband and person you are.
Hatzlocha!!!
Please Note - If your marriage was a little shaky and unstable BEFORE opening up, it may be worth it to reconsider if and how you bring your wife into your recovery. Please proceed with caution...........

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 20 Feb 2011 23:57:

You are correct, as usual. But I used this week's Parsha as my source for that concept because the thread is called "Chizuk from the weekly Parsha"!!!!