The 12 Steps talk about establishing a relationship with my Higher Power. As a frum person I still have alot of questions. I hear there is a chasidisha idea that every Jew has to go through his own yetzias mitzrayim. Which sources explain that? Is that a daily thing or do I just go through it once? Is my yetzias mitzrayim overcoming my adiction or is it many things?
Does Hashem feel bad when I feel bad?
What does it mean that I am a cheleck Elokim mimaal? In birchas hashachar we say Elokay Neshomo Shenasata Bi? Thats all I know about it. Who can explain this to me? I learned Nefesh Hachaim but I don't really understand it.
Do we have any tfilos about sexual adiction that I can recite in Shmonah Esray or do I need to stick to Blue Book/White Book prayers?
Maybe this is in the other threads. I haven't been on the site in a long time. I'm in SA and 2 days sober and I want to understand Yidishkeit as part of my recovery. Thanks.

i don't know all the answers. sometimes i feel like such an am ha'aretz, wish i hadn't gone off the derech as a teen...sorry G-d

yeah, but i know in answer to the Tefilah Q, this is at the bottom of the chizuk email:
The Tikun Haklalli is a powerful group of Psalms which rectify the damage caused from sins related to the Brit and endow one with NUCLEAR power against the Yetzer Hara. The Psalms to recite are: 16, 32, 41, 42, 59,77, 90, 105, 137, 150.

inrecovery wrote on 28 Dec 2010 00:49:

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2879.0
see here for a great tefila written by a combat veteran - HashemsSoldier

Im most certainly not a talmid chacham and your questions seem to involve deep discussions that would best be had with one, but I can give you a little bit of a start (I hope):
Your question about the source of being a cheliek alokah mimaal: I believe the source is a Zohar that states on the pasuk "Va'yeepach beapav nishmas chaim" in Bereishis: Maan de'nafach mideleih nafach (the one who breathed in (ie: Hashem) breathed from himself): which in the simplest form refers to the fact that if I would perform CPR on another I would be giving them air from my own lungs.  So to, Hashem kiviyachol tells us that He breathed a soul into Adam Harishon and therefore we learn that man's soul is in some way a part of hashem.  Any more than that I cannot provide to you but I do know that the Tanya discusses it at length as well and there are wonderful explanations of Tanya and Nefesh Hachaim in Seforim stores and you can listen to shiurim that rabbeim give on the topic.
With regards to yetzias metzraim and Shovavim (which if I am not sure if you are aware is an acronym for Shemos Vaeira Bo Beshalach Yisro Mishpatim) which are the weeks that the ARIZAL says are the weeks to work on these issues, since these are the weeks that we read about in the Torah about Klal Yisraels redemption from slavery (and Mitzraim which was notorious for being a very sexually immoral place).  There is a small pamphlet in easy Hebrew that discusses Shovavim by the Nesivos Shalom that you may like.
Hatzlocha

I really don"t type well (I still use one finger) and your questions need long answers so it"s gonna be difficult, but let me try.
  Regarding the chasidish idea about every Jew having to go through a yetzios mitzraim, I don"t know. I honestly don"t know too much about chasidus ideas.
    "Does Hashem feel bad when I feel bad?" There are many psukim where we find how Hashem feels all our pain. It says "imo unoichi bitzorah" and many others. Chazal say that when Klal Yisroel  Has pain HKB"H says "koloni mei"roshi Kolani Mizroai" My head hurts my arm hurts. What does this all mean.
    I"ll try to explain at least at first, on a (more) basic level.
    Why is it difficult for us to understand that HKB"H feels our pain?
    There are two basic reasons why its difficult for us to understand. 1-HKB"H is so awesome so amazing, how can he feel my personal pain? Who am I anyway that he should feel my pain? Another point to this is how can we understand pain by HKB"H? HKB"H is completely removed from all physicality so in what way can there be pain by HKB"H? 2- Since we know that HKB"H is a "kol yuchul", He can do whatever he pleases- how then can we understand pain by him? If everything is in his hands there can be no concept of pain, because in as much as he is in pain he can take away his pain so what pain is that anyway?
    I think we have to start with the answer to the second part of the first question. We asked "How can we understand pain by HKB"H? HKB"H is completely removed from all physicality so in what way can there be pain by HKB"H?" The answer to this I"ll try to explain with a question. Can HKB"H take the entire ball of earth and throw it up into the abyss of space? We all know he can. So why then is it difficult for us to understand that he can be in pain? We have to realize that the extent of HKB"H complete and total power is that he can do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! If he can do EVERYTHING then he can also be in pain. If he can do everything he can as the sforim say (koviyuchul) roll in the dirt in pain . Now practically speaking (AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT) he doesn"t roll in the dirt in the physical sense, but he CAN! He can do whatever he wills TO THE COMPLETE extent!
  So now when we ask how can HKB"H who is removed from all physicality, feel pain which seems to be a physical thing. The answer is that HKB"H"s complete power goes to the extent that he can even feel pain, even if it were a physical thing. (All this is explained very clearly by R Shimshon Pinchus in the end of Shiurim Bitfilah)
  Now, extremely important to remember (the Nefesh Hachayim speaks very stongly about this) is that HKB"H has NO phisicality. There is no such thing as pain as we see it by HKB"H in ANY WHICH WAY OR FORM. But, and very importantly we must understand that the idea of pain (weather or not its phisical-which its not) can apply by HKB"H IF HE SO DESIRES. Since he has COMPLETE power, IF he so desires he can feel pain!
  Thats it for now because I got to get to my therapist, but if you want I may be able to continue later.
    PS If anyone knows of some good typing teaching software, please let me know. MY WHOLE BODY KILLS!  

www.typingweb.com/

didn't try it but it looks good. I checked it out. It's actually really cool. Def give it a shot.

It's usually a lot easier, and a lot more effective, at least for starters, to take recovery on it's own, and Yiddishkeit on it's own.

Just know there's no contradiction between them, and they instead compliment each other.

If you're acting out, your first priority is recovery.  Otherwise, it's a progressive illness and everything you value in life is at stake.

It's akin to someone entering the operating room for open heart surgery!  WAIT DOCTOR!  First, answer me!  Which gemara is your procedure based on!

First recovery, sort it out later.  Rather, it will sort out on its own.

--Eye.

You can find the idea of Yetzias Mitzrayim in Tanya Ch. 31 and 47

Here is a link to Chapter 47 that speaks directly to this:

www.chabad.org/library/tanya/tanya_cdo/aid/7926/jewish/Chapter-47.htm

The question of the Neshama is also addressed in Tanya chapter 2.

BA

inrecovery wrote on 28 Dec 2010 00:49:

Dear fellow person in recovery (whatever your name is),

You ask about ten questions here, and many can relate to most of them. Being a frum yid who is in recovery, I feel I have a few things to share with you about this from the perspective of a man who has been frum for years and discovered that the frummer he got, the sicker he got in this addiction - till recovery.

But before trying to share what I have discovered that addresses your issues for me, I ache for you to kind of just quit worrying, (and I mean this sweetly) shut up, and just work the steps (I mean it very warmly, you know!). If you are anything like me, then what you are doing in recovery is learning about your relationship with G-d from scratch.

And by that I do not mean that you are learning about G-d from scratch!! After all, what could a bunch of goyim (who call themselves drunks) have to teach you about G-d? ...but lack of knowledge was never your problem, was it? I mean no criticism, but some people here have replied to you with more information....as if that is what you really need. Gevalt. When will the game end?

The problem many of us perverts (especially the religious ones, like me) have is very simple: for whatever reason, we just do not use G-d yet. We use ourselves and our environment to take care of our troubles, confusion, and pain. The steps do not really mean anything real to us - they are just another fantastic mussar shmooze for us, or like another sefer....so "been-there-done-that" eventually wins again.

We do not really accept that - unlike most other people (even most other frummeh yidden) - we addicts need G-d and cannot manage our lives without His loving assistance; or
We do not really believe that we qualify for that assistance (also as ridiculous); or
We simply are very, very confused because our bodies are giving us a clear message that this stuff (porn/lust/using the images of pretty people/fantasy/masturbation) is wonderful and we need it - while Yiddishkeit (and our good sense) tell us that it is horrible poison...well, that's confusing. Horribly confusing. So we keep using lust. What else does anyone expect? The Torah and all the good advice out there just seems plain silly to our very bodies! Like feeling we are falling when we are not - we will react per the message our body sends us, no matter how smart we may be.

So while SA/AA, etc may have nothing to teach us about G-d, they can teach us how to accept G-d and use Him, for a change. How to relate to G-d in a way that makes us not have to act out any more.

I doubt you need any study about anything, except of yourself. No sefer can give you that - but other drunks can show you how they came to know themselves and move on with G-d.

Hatzlocha.

Of course Dov is right, he is always right  . In theory you should be able to reach the level of complete reliance on Hashem through learning of classical mussar seforim. But has it worked for you yet? I look at the 12 steps as being the main points of the mussar seforim needed to beat this addiction with everything else cut away. In truth though the 12 steps (or the concept of being powerless and having complete reliance on Hashem) are the core principles of Judaism (Muh Hashem Shoel Mimcha ki im L'Yira Oso?).

Regarding your question about every Jew going through his own personal Yitzias Mitzrayim, there is a beautiful vort on that from the Nesivas Shalom, I think it's the first one in Parshas Beshalach ( I don't have one handy but if somebody wants to check and confirm that I'd appreciate it).

Wishing you much Hatzlacha,

Though it may be far more tempting to respond to this post than to my last one above, please don't. It's really a zeitiger zach, while what I posted to you above is really of the ikarim for me. But at the risk of losing focus...

As far as your comment about a yid experiencing his own yetzias mitzrayim, two things, be"H:

A sweet Sfas Emess - he said that our stepping back before the Shemoneh Esrei is our yetzias mitzrayim; and the stepping forward is our Kriyas yam suf. Apparently we need to start with vashov/yir'ah and end with ratzo/ahavah (unlike the malochim), as the tefillah begins with Ad'ni (sfasai tiftach) which is clearly din, and ends with sim Shalom which is zivug and yichud - clearly ahavah.

The application for me is that more than anything, my beginning needs humility and katnus. Sort of Rav Dessler's "mitoch shelo lishma, davka" idea. The ahavah and connection with Hashem is a gift from Him, rather than a madreigo' that I manufacture. Very much like the berachos we make, where we recognize the "laShem ho'oretz um'lo'ah" by saying a brocho . All the brocho declares is that this stuff is not ours at all, but only His - cuz He is the Konei haKol - the Borei p'ri ha'etz, for example. Berachos do not say "thank-You" or "please", at all. And presto! Now it is given to us - ie., the connection is made by us getting stuff from Him (in this case, a mango!). First the distance is recognized and our emptiness and powerlessness - and the result is that He bestows success on us and ownership of all good things. In other words, the only things that we get to keep, are the things that we surrender.

And of course, lusting and acting out is only and always about us getting, managing, and taking. No wonder Chaza"l tell us that "kol hanosein eynov b'mah she'eino shelo - af mah sheyesh lo notlin mimenu"...it's just not the way it works, especially for addicts. 

I need to make more brachos, just for the humility.


Thing two (and chances are no one who reads this will like it):

Not that anyone would care, but as far as I am concerned, "my own yetzi'as mitzrayim" is mostly modeled after Paroh's experience than that of Am Yisro'el's. See, he was an addict. He started off with power and bechirah - eventually it was taken away from him because he screwed around with the Jews too much and was such an idiot. That's what the RMB"M says about Paroh and that is how I understand an addict. That's me.

And its'a all sweet Chessed E-l kol hayom, because for a person who steps over that line and becomes dependent on a thing like enslaving others (or in my case, using lust), "doing normal Teshuvah" cannot work. He is really out of control. He is messed up in the head. He has accepted incorrect priorities and cannot (al pi tevah) reach out to Hashem, for his body and heart disagree with Torah now. He needs a neis - a reworking of his relationship with Hashem on new terms - terms that work, for a change. Terms that lift him up past his entire nisayon, eventually and keep him sober.

That's why I say that for me recovery is all about Derech Eretz now, rather than Torah. It's way, way before Torah, for me. In the past I just kept batterring my problem with Torah - and I just got worse and worse, of course. Now it is about the plain reality of being a human being. Choviv Odom shenivre'u b'Tzelem. No madreigos. It cannot start with yet more silly "ratzo" - it is time for "vashov".

Hashem takes very, very good care of an addict in recovery. And He helps us enter Torah in a way that really works to make our lives beautiful. But it takes time, and sobriety. And a sobriety that is not for the sake of Torah or Hashem, but for ourselves. That's just the way it works for me, so far.

Hope that makes at least some sense to anyone.

Love,

Dov

inrecovery wrote on 28 Dec 2010 00:49:


1. I have noticed that when I am in a "down" period I am very plagued by hashkafic questions. For example, good and evil, bechira chofshit, etc... However, when I'm "up", these questions simply fade away in importance. Which is to say they are only so painful because I'm feeling a distance... and then the closeness makes it not so important.
They're still important questions. It's ust that if you are in a down right now, it might be harder to be receptive to the answers?
2. "does Hashem feel bad when I feel bad"-- Well, I don't know anything about Hashem's kaviyachol feelings, but a person I love very very much right now is going through an incredible amount of pain. There is nothing I can do to help them-- this is their own personal growth struggle, I can't do anything for them. But I feel a certain degree of pain for their pain, and certainly an incredible longing for them to feel better. Now, this is me as a puny very limited human being speaking, with only limited amounts of selflessness/love contained within me, and still very much hampered by my own selfishness. Hashem, on the other hand, is limitless unbounded love. So it follows that if I feel pain when the one i love is in pain, al achat kama v'kama that Hashem feels pain when the ones He loves are in pain, and He longs very much for them to grow enough to escape that pain, and also He longs very much to be able to have a closer relationship with them...
3. In terms of Chelek Elokim Mimaal-- erm, I am not really an expert in this area so I feel it is a bit of a chutzpah for me to talk about it as if I know. However I have struggled with it and also learned some sources on it... I have had frustration with some of those sources because they seem to contradict the concept of "makom ha'olam v'haolam eino m'komo"... There are sources that will say it is a piece of Hashem but I find this very difficult to wrap my head around as it sounds to me like straight apikorsus to imply that Hashem is in any way even allegorically divisible. Instead, I prefer the approaches I learned while learning the topic of B'tzelem Elokim-- that Hashem created something that is the closest possible reflection of his essence and placed it in us as a Neshoma. But also I think intuitively it can be sensed that this same Neshoma is a channel to Hashem himself, so that it serves for us as our connection with Him and  thus also as the source of all the good traits that are connected to Him, i.e. kindness, truth, love, etc...

Our neshoma is divided into many levels. The very highest level is locked away from us and kept safe by Hashem Himself. so, no matter how low we fall, that part remains untainted. but, it is connected to the other parts, and thus is always available to us as a way to lift all the other parts up again. This also might be the chelek you are referring to (I don;t really know where your question is coming from).
3. Do you mean additional prayers you can insert (.i.e in Elokai ntzor or Shma koleinu)?
Because within the existing prayers... When you say V'techezenoh Einenu, you can have the kavanah that your eyes be worthy of seeing the incredible kedusha that will come at the time of the geulah-- something that will not be possible if your eyes have been made tamei. i.e., daven for help in keeping tahor. This I think would apply not just literally to vision (i.e. lo taturu acharei einechem), but even it would seem impure thoughts? And of course "Re'eh b'anyenu" or the bracha for teshuva also could apply....

astir wrote on 16 Feb 2011 02:54:


OK. So let's get back to the ikkar here, which is clearly not kedusha, teshuvah, or anything else related to kedusha. It is whether the fellow, "inrecovery", is being successful with keeping his pants on and zippered. That is his real concern, it seems, b"H.

So, inrecovery...how's it going?