Regarding my 12 steps, I am internalizing that I am powerless over many things, but I get stuck at the second step; I have trouble believing that a power higher than myself will help me out; he hasn't helped me throughout my life despite my fervent, desperate, and obsessive praying over the years.. (On a certain level I do believe that my suffering does have a higher purpose in the master plan of the universe -but that G-d's plan can not always be understood. But it seems that G-d wants me to have these difficulties and that he isn't responsive to my prayers for help; He hasn't been thus far...)

Do you have any thoughts about this?

If you're looking for a deep philosophical answer, I'm probably not the one to give it to you. I'm just going to speak from my own experience and maybe it will help. I believe that there is a Higher Power and that He wants us to choose to cling to Him, but it's not something that comes easy. I've been fighting this for close to ten years now. When it all started I was too young to even know what it was or that it was wrong. Then in the past ten years there were two periods that it seemed like all my problems slipped away. I fell in love with two girls (a few years apart when I was in the dating scene ready to get married) and they both inspired me to be better. Things didn't work out with both of them for specific reasons and it was so tough. Not only was it tough because I lost two people I loved, but it was also tough because I got lonely and slipped right back to where I was. But looking back I know Hashem had a plan for me. It's true I was sulking over losing these girls for a long time (One broke up with me and the other I broke up with), and I mean a really long time. I felt like I could never be the person I wanted to be. But looking back, I see how much I have grown in the past few years because I had to deal with the heart ache. I became a more sensitive person to others. I became more spiritual. Most importantly, I started to deal with the fact that I can be a good person and an Eved Hashem without someone attached to me. I would love to get married, but I had to learn to be comfortable with who I was, and going through all that helped me.
I don't know if telling you all this is going to help you, but for me, I try to look back at things that really seemed bad at the time they happened (probably better that a good amount of time has lapsed already), and think about ways I've changed or things I had to learn, and tell myself that's what Hashem wanted from me. So you're right, things may look bad now, but there is a reason we're all here. We're the soldiers and we are put in this battle, because we can win. Hashem wouldn't give us a challenge that we could not win Once you get in the habit of looking back for something you've learned, every challenge you face will inspire you to look for a hidden lesson.
Like I said, I was just speaking from my own experience. It works for me. If it helps you, then great. But I'm also aware that not everyone has to work the same way, so if it doesn't, don't give up, and come back, avoid my comments, and get some inspiration from people who know how to give it.

Hi Cantdoit, this is a very inspiring post, but unfortunately for people like Tried (and Jip) this is not a answer, as we have had more pain than average and its hard to accept that hashem does it for a good reason
But as u said, if it works for u than kol hakoved to u

Dear Tried-123,

For what I consider a working, sensible, and useful answer to your question I suggest you read "AA" pages 60 till the bottom of 63, and the 12&12's chapter on the 2nd (esp. the very end), the 3rd step (all of it), and the 11th step.

You may be a very intense yid, may have very deep faith in Hashem, and may be very good, and these sources will, I think, help clarify what may yet be missing. I am not interested in you agreeing with the AA's, but only because it is working for me, am I suggesting it to you.

Hatzlocha!

Thank you all for your honest responses to the original post. I struggle(d) with this too. Today it's become clearer and simple. This is what I have learned.

I am powerless over lust - it makes my life unmanageable. If I am truly and completely powerless, there must be One that has power (otherwise I may be atheist). That One in my life is God (Hashem). Today I believe 2 critical things. 1. that God will and always does decide the outcome of anything and everything in my life; and 2. that God does not invest in crappy investments. He invested over 30 years in making me and He is a good investor.

Knowing this, it is not my responsibility to understand or my job to figure it out, all I have to do today is ask (another person or my sponsor) "What does God want from me RIGHT NOW." Nothing in the great big future or deep dark past is going to change the "right now".

Just my 2 cents (that was more like 20 bucks worth )

hi Tried.

ok - lets get to the bottom line..

Hashem wants you!
and He will not stop at anything until He gets what He wants!!

He will send you all kinds of yissurim to wake you!

Imagine if one of your children overslept... and you were in charge of getting them off to school.
what would you do ?

YOu, too would not stop at anythign to get them to wake up...
shaking
Yelling
Viiolent Shaking
Water on them
pull the blankets off
throw the mattress on the floor

am i right?
if i am not, i want you to tell me.

but i know I am right (at least this time)

so..


WAKE UP !!!
WAKE UP !!!

Come join us - we have a new kind of a launch starting today (tuesday 1:30 pacific, 2:30 est, 9:30 Israel)
1-760-569-6000
code: 121318#

dov.ii

reb dov II
i am gana step in here & add my 2 cents
u r dead wrong this time
we wont shake them so hard, & no we wont pour water on them & u know what hashem is not such a bogeyman & he has ways to get our attention with good too

@j.inprog

LOL !

Of course Hashem is not a boogeyman.. ALL HIS INTENTIONS ARE GOOD! !

but Tried does not recognize that, YET!

his hand is in front of his eyes - and he is not able to see the mountain in front of him!
but it does not mean that the mountain aint there. !

it just means I have to speak to Tried in a language he can understand!

(BTW - here is a secret: The world will start getting BETTER the moment we start focusing on the good! And become GRATEFUL for EVERYTHING we have been given - even the apparent challenges in life! )

until then...

TRIED.....

WAKE UP !!!
WAKE UP!!!

and come join us!

u still dont get that, Tried has heard many times that hashem wants only his good & so did JIP hear that million times, but when things go wrong on every front, its hard to believe so, & that kind of talk u giving here aint gana help anyone in this situation

but if that helps u, keep it up

nothing personal just my view on this

KOT

im outta here so u can post freely i wont Interrupt 

ok- tell you a story..

its  a true story.
when i was yound my dad was in charge of local community - I worked in the office during the summer. This happened one summer:

one day one of the workers had a terrible freak accident kill her son

the woman was a reck!
could stop telling everyone that this was the MOST TERRIBLE THING

until next month when her husband had a heart attack -
then THIS BEGAN THE MOST TERRIBLE THING
everyone felt for this woman and her sorrow!

and then there was a FIRE in her house!
OMG - when will it end!
and of course THIS, became the MOST TERRIBLE THING

two months later - her dog was hit by a bus!
(seriously! )
we figured she would wind up in the crazy house for sure!

two days later - she was back at the office...and almost back to her old cheerful self...

well of course everyone was shocked and wanted to know what changed!

She told us she realized that G-d (not sure if she was Jewish or not) leads a person in the way they choose to go..
she told us, when she was stuck on every situation being the MOST TERRIBLE - things only got worse!

but after her dog was killed she realized that it could not get any worse, and could only start getting better...

and once she started to focus on the good in her life, and the things she did have...
then things started to get BETTER

so what can I say..

focus on JOY - joy comes to you,
focus on the other stuff - and the other stuff comes your way

Amazing.

A couple of points (That have been made before, but who is counting).

For the people who are fighting and fighting the addiction (And hopefully winning). Can't you see that when you are fighting lust / porn / whatever what's on you mind all day is  lust / porn / whatever! Same to those who feel that joining this web site to discuss beating your personal lust issues will drag you down. That's if you sit around discussing your lust issues and that is your focus.

Following the first 2 steps of the 12 steps is focusing on the fact that you are powerless and that Hashem is all powerfull. Your thoughts are on Hashem / Hakadosh Baruch Hu / G-d / The Almighty (Don't get the wrong impression here, repitition is for emphasis They are all one of course). In addition, working on appreciating the omnipotence of the Creator isn't fighting, it's a wonderful activity to occupy one's time with. It leads you to thoughts of how G-d really wants you to be close to Him, to emulate him. Definately not thoughts that drag you down.

Which leads me to the thought that G-d loves all Jews.  Even the stubborn ones who keep on bashing the 12 steps beyond all logic and reason.  Wish I knew what He sees in them  (Hey, I said I was working on it, not that I was there yet!).

One thing that really moves me is the idea that my davening, for many years, was: "Please, Hashem, take this away so that I won't have to give it up." It's only when I can surrender -- give up my lust to Hashem -- that I'm able to let Hashem into my life rather than Edging God Out (EGO).

For me it is tough I felt like you too. But my feelings are that I just believe that He cares and loves me and I just need to do the best I can basically by following the advice abd tips you will find here, and than he will do the rest.
Since for me if I try do use all the tips they will only be like bandaids Hashem is the medicine that will make it work!
But we have to trust in Him and do the work.
As well the truth is we will only do the work and really trust him if we really are totally suffering and can't stand it anymore.

we call it hitting bottom