Sholom All,
It is fantastic after such a prolonged absence to be able to come back here to GUE where everything started for me. B"H today I have 147 days of sobriety and here is the miracle Hashem has done for me.

I joined Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) 137 days ago and I knew then that I was mentally and physically sick. My wife and I had been seeing therapists on and off for 12 years. I was on medication and was going regularly to a counselor for therapy. My wife suffered from serious depression and she too was going to therapy. We had tried going to the same therapist but her therapist had thrown me out and so I had to get my own.

I was seriously overweight. I was down in weight from my all time high but I was eating crazier than ever, going from fasting to binging on the same day and I suffered from high blood pressure. My sleeping was all over the map. Even after I was sober and had stopped acting out I would stay up at least two entire nights every week only to go to work feeling half dead and stay at work the entire day and late into the next night until I would collapse.

My life had ground to a halt amid severe financial paranoia. I was unable to get involved with money at all. I had not recorded at all of any of the checks I had written over the last two to three years. On a daily basis I was totally unaware of my bank balance and would write checks anyway. I had no concept of how much money I owed Credit Card companies. I was chronically late in paying bills, including credit card bills. The simplest tasks that in minutes would have moved desperately needed money into my bank account to prevent overdraft charges were totally beyond my reach and in the space of a few months I had racked up a thousand dollars in overdraft fees alone. I ran an online small business on the side that had promise but I had just totally stopped processing any of the sales. At work I had also ground to a halt.

Therapy for both myself and my wife was going nowhere. We were totally stuck. I needed an absolute miracle to recover and so did she.

But I never joined SA for any of that, I did not and could not have believed that SA could help me in those areas. I joined SA for one reason only - I wanted to get sober from my addiction. I never knew that  Hashem would guide me to an SA sponsor who would take me several times through all 12 Steps of SA. I never dreamed that after doing my hishtadlus in following my sponsor's guidance on Step Taking, I would experience the miracle of Hashem's healing in a way that I could never have imagined.

Today, 137 days later, I am off medication and have never felt better. With the guidance of my SA sponsor and the blessing of my therapist I no longer need therapy and I am calmer and happier than I have ever been. After I was 65 days in SA, I disclosed to my wife and she joined S-Anon and later changed therapist at the recommendation of a fellow S-Anon member. BeChasdei Hashem her depression has lifted and last week she had her last therapy session with the blessing of her new therapist and we are now, one day at a time, getting closer to each other than we have ever been.

Today, without any struggling at all I eat three full nutritious and balanced meals a day and I have lost over 25 lbs since 3 days before Pesach for a total loss of over a full quarter of my body weight from my all-time high of 225 lb over a year ago. My blood pressure is now text book 120 over 80. As a rule Boruch Hashem I now get a decent night's sleep every night of the week.

Today, for the first time ever my wife and I have a daily record-keeping of everything we spend and earn. I know exactly how much I owe and to who. With Hashem's help one day at a time we are now working towards earning wiser, spending wiser and with Hashem's brocho we are working on becoming debt-free.

But most importantly for me, life is no longer about me. Life is now about my wife, my children, and everyone else around me. Hashem has blessed me with three wonderful SA sponsees with whom I have been fortunate to share the life-giving message I got from my sponsor. Having shared my sponsor's message with three sponsees, I am now back here on this forum to share my sponsor's message with anyone out there who cares to listen.

Even if I am the only one listening that is fine for me, because even though I have gotten so much so soon, it is so good that I just can't get enough of it --- I just have to keep coming back for more...

Boruch,
Welcome back! What a beautiful story that demonstrates that with Hashem and our hard work we can really beat our addictions. Thanks for sharing your personal story with us.
You are a source of inspiration to me and I'm sure to many readers out there.

bs"d

Thanks for that great post. I am looking forward to "listening"to more...

Boruch-
I should only be lucky enough to hae a sponsor like you.

Keep on posting because every Success story gives lots of needed Chizuk to all of us that its never to late & everyone has a chance & a possibility to go clean.

Efshar Letaken

Hoping, did you see today's Chizuk e-mail #505? I HOPE Boruch will be able to be a sponsor for a lot of guys here, either by phone or on-line. We'll see how it will work out.

Boruch, did you see the e-mail? And yesterday's as well (#504)? We need to decide how you and Chaim Duvid can work in tandem and mutually benefit each other - and US ALL! Maybe Chaim Duvid should be on the phone and you on-line, what do you suggest? And maybe, as we get more and more guys who want to work the steps, we'll need a few groups working in parallel...

The GuardYourEyes 12-Step Division is becoming a reality be"h!

Thank you all for the wonderful welcome back

guardureyes wrote on 16 Jun 2009 14:41:


Before I get into detail here is an introduction to my sponsor's message in the words of a man who was once a minister (no, not my sponsor). Here is my paraphrase (all italics are my own replacement so that it is relevant for us Frum Yidden, otherwise it's word-for-word from the original), and you can try and guess (if you want to) who this man is:

Impossible Happiness - The Good News for Lust and Sex Addicts and Other Sinners
Breaking the lust barrier has proven to be the great obstacle in recovery from sex addiction. Impossible Happiness shows the way for personal breakthrough for the lust/sex-addicted and others, in or out of the Frum Community or even 12 Step recovery movement. It helps one move from mere religious belief and practice to real recovery. Ploni tells the story of his encounter with the Eibishter, who was lost to him in his Yiddishkeit. Not for the fainthearted, Impossible Happiness opens the way to fulfilling what the Steps prepare the way for—finding the One our lust was really looking for.

This books takes up where Steps One through Ten leave off. Impossible Happiness chronicles the author’s odyssey from a religious “believism,” which did not work, to a personal encounter with the One who really does loose from the power of lust and cleanse its defilement. What emerges is a real relationship  for the lust obsessed, a Torah-true basis for making one’s own saving Connection—a faith that works.

From the Preface: “I am writing this book because sexual sobriety and victory over lust seem so difficult, if not impossible, for so many Frum Yidden, not to mention others. There’s something wrong here.

Also, so much of sobriety or attempted sobriety seems to be fear-driven and self-driven, which is doomed to failure. There is a better way. I want to bear witness to the fact that victory over lust can be energized by joy and love that come from a saving connection with the Eibishter. This is the Good News for all, whether in or out of the Frum Community or Twelve Step recovery movement. . . .”

So who was the man who said these words (except for the italics)? (answer coming later BE"H together with a major maaseh)

OK, I have some more time, and so let's begin with something my sponsor shared with me.

My sponsor joined SA 16 years ago when he lived in San Diego. 3 months in program he jumped at the opportunity to hear Roy K the SA founder speak in Los Angeles. Roy K addressed a large crowd. He spoke of how he had read an interview that Dr. Bob's son, known as "Smitty" (Dr Bob's last name was Smith), had given.

The interviewer asked Smitty what it was like being the son of such an illustrious man, the co-founder of AA, who was instrumental in saving millions of people. Smitty answered that his father was the "Saint of the 12 Step Rooms". But Smitty added that it was depressing growing up without a father. My sponsor told me what he heard Roy K. say next, which he says he will always remember for the rest of his life.

Roy K said, I did not found SA to spend my life in Church basements with sexaholics. I founded SA so that I could be a better husband, a better father, a better neighbor and a better employee.

And yes Roy K, founder of SA, was the author of the piece I paraphrased above...

So we have it from SA's founder that:

1) SA is not about spending life in Church basements with sexaholics

2) SA is not about a "fear-driven and self-driven" journey to failure

3) SA is about the "energized joy and love" that come from a renewed connection with the Eibishter.

That is the message that my sponsor has given to me and that is the message that I am here to share with anyone who wants to hear it.

Boruch,

It is great to have you back with us.  We missed you and your insightful words while you were away.  I actually quoted you yesterday on these forums.  Your story above was very inspiring.  I really wish you and your wife great hatzlacha as the two of you get to know each other and come close. 

May you continue to inspire all of us here.

-Yaakov

What a wonderful message!

Wow what a wonderful message - AA is discribed as a "bridge to normal living"

I will share that I spoke with Roy K in January, as my home group organised a SA weekend and we wanted him to come over, unfortunately he is very ill at the moment.  He told me that he speaks to many religous jews and even sponsors some, and he always encourages Jewish people to rediscover their faith and learn our Scriptures as the message of faith and recovery is contained with them, and he proceeded to rattle of a load of P'sukim to demonstrate this.

I guess its nothing new when you hear someone else say how happy they are for you. You really bring to light how SA can affect other areas of your life.

You let everyone here see what the light at the end of the tunnel looks like.

I like many of us can only dream of what its like to get to 90 let alone over 120 days of freedom.

The question every Rebbe in high school struggles to answer to his students is the following statement of Chazal.

Ain Ben Chorin Ela Mi Sh'eosek Batorah.

I think reading this website adequately answers this question.