In this thread I will b"n post from "The 18 Wheeler" and some other relevant 12-Step literature.
I will also post some of my own 2 cents, things that work for me, and some of my very limited ESH (Experience, Strength and Hope).
I would love to hear feedback; all feedback and questions are welcome but please identify yourself first as either a member of SA (or other 12-Step group) or a non-member in order to put things into context.

The 18 Wheeler is found in the back of the SA white book and titled "How I Overcame Lust" it consists of 18 ways that the author (Roy K.) overcame his lust.

To be clear The 18 Wheeler is not SA but tools that go along with SA and come from concepts within the 12-Steps.
If you are someone who really needs SA then The 18-Wheeler will be very limited in how much it can help you.

SA is working the 12-Steps with a sponsor; when done properly and thoroughly it can take months and even years to complete.
The Steps are never really complete and recovering addicts live with Steps 1,3,10,11 and12 for a lifetime.
SA also involves going to inperson meetings and participating in fellowship.
In person meetings are 1000 times more effective than posting on the GYE forum.

The purpose of this thread is 3 fold.
1) For those who need SA it is to farmiliarize them with SA concepts and into becoming more comfortable getting to their first meetings.
2) For those who do not need SA, many of the methods posted here can still be helpful getting out of our head and dealing with the lust issue.
3) For those already in SA this thread can serve as a spring board to discuss how we understand and apply SA principles.

All bolded words are from 12-Step literature and non-bolded writing are my own opinions and not necessarily consistant with SA priciples.

Before begining The 18 Wheeler it may be appropriate to quote a few paragraphs found on pages 3&4 in the SA White Book titled "What Is a Sexaholic and What Is Sexual Sobriety?". This essay helps define who is a sexaholic and needs SA to recover from their addiction.
Later on in this thread we will IY"H post how someone can figure out if he is a true sexaholic or not.
We addicts are notrious liars and great experts at fooling ourselves with tens of rationalizations for what we do. We rarely recognize our own insanity and craiziness until after we complete some solid recovery work. Before doing the work everyone of us says to ourselves "well I am am not a real sexaholic".


"What Is a Sexaholic and What Is Sexual Sobriety?

We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole contexed of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic , or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.

Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one's self (Masterbation is sex with self in SA language) or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options. But we have found that acceptance of these facts is a key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know.

This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we have been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other options but to stop, and their own enlightened self-intrest must tell them this."


If I may add two comments of my own,
1) While the definition of sobriety in SA is no masterbation or sex with anyone other than the spouse, sobriety and recovery includes a "progressive victory over lust". This means to include all forms of lusting such as lustful looking and fantasizing ect.

2) After reading the above passage some may question how addiction and the concept of bechira in yiddishkiet don't clash. I plan to address this issue later on while discussing Step 1 in The 18 Wheeler, IY"H it will become clear that this is a non-issue.

Non member here. Great thread and can't wait to hear more.

In the back of the SA White Book appears Appendix 2 which is titled "Readings Commonly Used in Meetings" these come from other areas of 12-Step literature and are sometimes read at the beginning of a meeting. It may be worthwhile to have a look at some of them before going further.

"The Problem" is the first passage in the white book located on page v, and is also brought in Appendix 2 on page 203.



"The Problem

Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.
Early on, we came to feel disconnected-from parents, from peers, from ourselves. We tuned out with fantasy and masterbation. We plugged in by drinking in the pictures, the images, and pursuing the objects of our fantasies. We lusted and wanted to be lusted after.

We became true addicts: sex with self, promiscuity, adultery, dependency relationships, and more fantasy. We got it through the eyes; we bought it, we sold it, we traded it, we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, the forbidden. The only way we knew to be free from it was to do it. "Please connect  with me and make me whole!" we cried with outstretched arms. Lusting after the Big Fix, we gave away our power to others.

This produced guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness, and pain, and we were driven ever inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside ourselves.
Our habit made true intimacy impossible. We could never know real union with another because we were addicted to the unreal. We went for the "chemistry," the connection that had the magic, because it bypassed intimacy and true union. Fantasy corrupted the real; lust killed love.
First addicts, then love cripples, we took from others to fill up what was lacking in ourselves. Conning ourselves time and again that the next one would save us, we were really losing our lives."



Next comes a passage titled "The Solution" found on page 61 in the SA White Book, and in Appendix 2 on page 204. It will IY"H be posted in the near future.