6. It is not your fault
Although the spiritual damage we cause by acting out is very great, we must accept that Hashem
brought us into this situation and that it’s not our fault. Let us never dwell on how it happened, or
on past falls. This will cause us to feel down and lead to future falls. The Chidushei Harim (in
Likutei Yehudah) tells his followers never to look back, claiming that if we look back we remain in
the mud.
Everyone has dirty laundry. We don’t have to be ashamed of our laundry unless we let it pile up
and never clean it. (Listen to this wonderful Shiur from R' Yisrael Reisman, Shlit"a, which
provides some excellent perspective and yesodos on this struggle).
We must also realize that we didn’t always have free will in the past. This is clear from various
Sefarim and in various places in Chazal. “Ain Hakadosh Baruch Hu ba beterunya im
habriyos” – “Hashem doesn’t come with complaints to his creations.” As the Pasuk says:
“He created together all their hearts and understands all their deeds,” and he knows that
almost all men stumble in this sin at some point in their youth.
- 7 -
There’s a well known adage that, if Hashem gave us a test, we must have the ability to overcome
it as well. R’ Tzadok says, though, (in Tzidkas Hatzadik) that this is not as simple as it sounds. It
is true that we all have free choice to do what Hashem expects of us in this world over the course
of our lifetimes. However, in the process of our journey, there are many times when a person is
considered an onus.
After the sin of the golden calf, the Midrash says that Moshe said to Hashem, you gave them gold
and sat them down on the doorstep of a Beis Zonos – “ma ya’aseh haben velo yecheta?” -
“What can the son do and not sin?” In other words, we find in Chazal that there are times when
a person may not have full Bechira.
See also the Rambam Hilchos Issurei Biyah 1:8 – “for the Yetzer and human nature forced her to
want,” and see Tosofos in Sanhedrin 26b where they discuss how someone suspected of illicit
relations may still be a Kosher witness, since it could be that his desires simply overpowered him.
And see the Gemara in Brachos, 32b at the very top: “Asher Hari’osi” : Hakadosh Baruch Hu
acknowledges to Eliyahu Hanavi that He was the one who had turned the Yidden’s heart away
from him.
The Steipler too, in regards to a specific behavior that someone had difficulty controlling, writes:
“He is not a Ba’al Bechira now in this area, and the only thing he can (and should) do, are
Tikkunim that will help him over time.”
Once we understand that we didn’t always have free will in the past, we will prevent the guilt from
dragging us down into a vicious cycle of despair and continued falls. And guilt can be even more
dangerous than the falls. As they say: "It's not the one cookie you ate that broke the diet. The diet
ended when you felt bad about that one cookie, and then went on to finish the entire BOX!”
And even if we may have had some freedom of choice at the time we fell, it could be that we had
very little. The sins we did are only judged according to the circumstances and the level of free
will that we had at the time. Only Hashem knows if we could have done better or not.
But when we talk about the present moment, we can never know how much free will we have
and we must always try our very best.
