oblum wrote on 22 Feb 2011 07:15:
RisingUp,
In a perfect world our parents would be the go to address for all of our mental/physiological/spiritual/emotional needs, just like they are for our physical needs. Unfortunately, the real world doesn't work like that. While parents have TON of good intentions (and we all know which road is paved with that) they are simply incapable of dealing with their children in an in-objective and impartial maner.
There is an unfortunate rule these days that proves this point: most mechanichim, even those helping the 'kids on the fringe', and even the most experienced, talented, best, etc. - almost all have at least one child thats 'off'' (or at least not up to par with the rest of the family). And while it may seem like the mechanichim are unworthy of being in chinuch, the truth is that they are still great mechanchim - with SOMEONE ELSE's child. When it come to their own children, they see things in an entirely different light and this blinds there ability to help themselfs (i.e. their children).
If you need a new suit - you can speak to your parents. If you have questions about a your date, your parents may be able to help you - but get the opinion of your rav/rebbi as well. When dealing with Yidishkeit (at most levels, but
especially of the nature we discuss here) talk ONLY to your rav/rebbi.
O
p.s. if you dont have a rav/rebbi then your in
gehacked tz'uris, but for a totally different reason
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/tongue.png)
. No fear, I'm sure a pm to someone around here can get you hooked up with some solid Da'as Torah
Thank you for the response (and I do echo the words of Maccabee about signing up- So thank you!).
In response: I was actually sent here
by my Rav/Rebbe so I do have that taken care of. I know exactly what you mean by having parents that deal very well with other peoples issues but not their own children (this is not a reflection nor an indictment of my own parents, rather it is a well known issue). However, the main issue I am concerned with over here is
Shidduchim. I am going to begin entering into shidduchim
very soon. It is not that I feel guilty of what I have done and therefore think that I don't deserve a girl who I am actually deserved of. No, that is not the issue. If it was , than I wouldn't be asking this question. Rather I am concerned, not entirely with but mainly with the issue of confronting the girl with my issue. As
Rav Twerski has said. Therefore I feel that going out with a girl and than confronting first my parents and than the girl in the span of a couple of days would probably turn my life topsy-turvy. To tell the girl but not my parents may be a possibility, but I do not see its merits. If I tell the girl, which I will have to to a certain extent, she will definitely tell her parents who in turn will tell their Rav. All of which is not a concern for me assuming the information is kept private. However, my parents if left in the dark will either be blindsided by a call from the girls parents or Rav, or they will just ask me why the dating process has to come to a momentary halt a little more than half way through (if I were to go out with numerous girls, which I hope not to, they would get very suspicious). I am probably wrong in my cheshbon and it is that which I specifically ask for advice about. As for asking my Rav this question. I will, I have just found in the past few weeks ever since joining GYE that when asking my Rav about an issue (GYE related), supplementing my issue with the advice given out by tried and tested members has proven very beneficial to the decision making process. Thank You!!
Rising Up