Hi everyone:
I have a question: what do you do when you find yourself going and looking at p**n more out of habit than anything and you don't even have such a strong urge for it until you're actually doing it? How do you stop yourself from doing it whenever you just get the idea?

Hi Bochur, that's a multi-faceted question. First thing I would do is install a filter on your computer. If it's not on a computer then either lock the browser or find another way of reducing/blocking access.

I'm a bochur as well. There seem to be more and more of us young guys showing our faces here. That's awesome. Good to have you here. Keep posting. Talk. Ask. We're all in this together. The guys here are AWESOME!! Looking forward to working on this together. Talk it out.

I know the way you feel. Another thing that helps is having other people's phone numbers and/or emails to contact someone the moment you're feeling a little shaky or that thought pops into your head.

It sounds like you might just be doing it because you happen to have internet access at that moment and you have nothing better to do. Otherwise known as BOREDOM. A well known trigger to us here at the community. If you find that it is consistently at a certain time of day, try to make something to do at that time, like getting a chavrusa or getting exercise or calling someone.

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello Bochur,

You mean you don't even want to look at it, and you just do it out of boredom? How crazy is that??
I could ask myself the same questions. 

You could try an inspirational post it note to remind you.  Make a mark for each time it stops you from doing something stupid.  See how many points you can rack up in one day : ), then tell me how it went.

The truth is, you do know what you are doing.  And you have not resolved yet to NOT do it.  So, what will it take you to resolve to not do this for just one day?

BA

Join the club, friend.

That's part of the compulsive aspect of it - I'd sit in front of a ocmputer, and once i was there, it was a natural next step to look at garbage.

One thing that helped me was to use my imagination. Before I was in the situation, I'd picture myself being tempted, and getting up and walking away! After a few times of doing that, I had a better chance of doing that in real life.

The reason is that we have scripts in our heads of our responses to situations. I had given myself a new script!

Bochur14 wrote on 13 Feb 2011 21:43:

Unfortunately, I don't think there is any good answer to that question. Any one of us here can give a wonderful answer to that question while it is you who is having the difficulty! That's because when we are not in that position, our brains are working properly and logically, rather than our bodies dictating to us what we should think. So the question really is: How do I get my brain to go back to normal mode and take charge, when my body is about to dominate?!! If there were a solid answer to that one, we could close down GYE and just post it once for all to see. So what now?
Like most of my posts on this site, I think this too is subjective. When Yosef Hatzadik (the original one!)  was about to be Nichshal with the wife of Potifar, it was the image of his father's face that woke him up and stopped him. The Gemara talks about those who would make a Shevua to stop themselves from doing something wrong. We all know the famous story of Rav Amram and his using Boosha to stop himself.
My advice to you would be: Think good and hard before you are in front of the computer about something that is most precious to you. For a Bochur that might be his potential Shidduchim, or losing the respect of his closest friends and Rebeiim, while for a married guy it may be his wife or children. Then think of a way to set yourself up a reminder that will instantly bring that thing back in front of your eyes and on your mind when you need it most. Lastly, put that thing somewhere near enough to your self while at the computer, or near the computer itself, so it will be ready and available in case of emergency.
Just as an example. As a married guy with wonderful beautiful Heilige children, there is nothing in the world that I would care to lose more than them. So i paid about $10 and I got myself a mouse pad specially made with a picture of my smiling children on it. When I am vulnerable, I use that mouse pad to remind me of why I don't want to do this.
Remember, anything you do can work, if you tailor make it to yourself while in the proper state of mind. It is very subjective.
Lastly, an important note. All this is based on your statement that you are not actively looking for a problem right now, it sort of just comes. But if you are holding by having already decided to do it, I have not found a way to stop myself then except for Davening that something goes wrong ie. computer crashes, someone walks in right before I'm about to start. But if it's random, there is more hope.
That's my 2 cents worth.
Hatzlocha!!

I agree with all the above
tzaddik90,motz' d' uri pizza chassidisher rambo ha'adict hakadosh shlita

very well-said Reb Yid!
thanks

Thanks.
When you speak from experience it is usually easier to make sense because the proof is in the pudding. Unfortunately, there is a lot of experience behind that post. Fortunately, that experience is behind me!!!

Im Yirtze Hashem Vaiyter!!!
Vchen Lemor
Hatzlocha!!

Thanks a lot everyone. As some of you said, some things that work for me are:
1)Finding something interesting to do to fill my time
2)Before I sit down in front of the computer, I tell myself that I am NOT going to look t anything assur -- that way I just think, "I am not even going there..."

Reb Yid wrote on 14 Feb 2011 06:30:


Should Bochur14 get one with a picture of his future Kallah??  :-\                                            ;D

hi Bachur14 -

I am jumping into the conversation a bit late.. never the less, here is some food for thought:

what would you do if someone threw a hand grenade your way?
my guess is you would RUN or HIT THE DIRT pretty fast!

so same thing holds true here... except in stead of a hand grenade, you stepped on a MIND-FIELD!!
QUICK... HIT THE DIRT!!!

and pull the plug on your computer!!!

you think you are on the INTERNET - but really my friend, you have ENTERED the NET.. and are about to become TRAPPED!!!

there is a reason its called the WEB!!
The spider is about to entangle you - and turn you into its next meal!

QUICK - HIT THE DIRT!!!

dov.ii

I also know that for myself, it's important to NOT be sitting in front of the computer without something specific in mind. I only get in trouble that way.

Ditto that one, SB.